Step Parents

[Complex3]

Hi,

wondering if anyone can help locate cases where a step-parent has been awarded ‘parental responsibility’ of a child in a 3 way court case? I am having trouble locating under what grounds this can occur, having regard for that person being a person concerned with the care and welfare of a child when they were young, lived with mother for 4 years (ages 2-7 - now 9)

Step father is taking mother and biological father of child to court, seeking equal shared parental responsibility of step child between he and the mother. Orders sought by step father are 50/50 between mother and step father but mother must facilitate time for biological father (currently 2 afternoons per fortnight plus one weekend night with view to increase) out of her 50% share. Mother’s proposal is 9/5, 5 to step parent, 9 to mother to continue facilitation of time between bio father and Currently, mother has 10/4 and facilitating care between child and bio father 3 times per fortnight.

Mother and step father have younger child together, (6yo), both children go to both step parent and biological parent of older child together. Mother advocating for children to stay together for another 4 years to hear their views at that time, step fathers last affidavit states he is willing to separate children, bio father of eldest child happy to keep them together.

Mother is now SRL after paying legal fees for past year. Bio father not granted legal aid, as the legal aid lawyer told him on the merits test they don’t see how step-father can gain 50% care plus parental responsibility. Mother’s previous lawyers also agreed this is unlikely.

To add - all parents initially agreed to the 50/50 proposal 3 years ago upon separation to keep children together however step father in turn refused to allow younger child to spend time with bio father of eldest. Mother has resumed primary care status for nearly 2 years since.

Complex case, so guidance would be appreciated.

 

[Tim W]

Which one of these are you?

 

[Complex3]

Hi Tim,

I am the mother.
2 kids, 2 dads, separated from both.

 

[sammy01]

I remember reading a case where step mum was given primary care.... But both bio - parents were drug addicts / idiots...
9/4 or 9/5 with mum having to facilitate time with bio dad seems reasonable to me. Oh what a mess. I've read the op 3 times and I'm more confused...

 

[Tim W]

What were the arrangements about bio-dad
when you and step-dad were together?

 

[Complex3]

Sammy, yes it is complex. Essentially had one child with father 1 who left when she was a few months old, met, had baby with and married father 2 and have since separated. Not a situation I thought I’d find myself in, but when father 2 is a serial cheater, it is what it is. Father 2 taking father 1 and mother to court.

Tim, during the relationship with step father, bio father would see child every second Sunday. Early on, he would visit in my home as child was a baby and he regularly travelled for work. This continued until separation between myself and step father, child was 6.5.
Time has gradually increased in 3 years since separation. Bio father has always made decisions in conjunction with mother (schools etc) and whilst step father didn’t welcome bio fathers involvement, we have mantained a good coparenting relationship. Eldest child also has both fathers surnames (occurred upon marriage with agreement) - child was 5 when this occurred.

I hope that makes some sense?

 

[Tim W]

It does. It's not an especially unusual set of facts.
What do YOU want to have happen?

 

[Complex3]

My orders are that I maintain equal shared parental responsibility of both children with each party ie each party has shared parental responsibility of each of their respective bio children. 9/5 to me, in order for me to continue facilitating time between child 1 and her bio father, 5 days to father 2 with no split of time for father 1 thereby both children are together at all times. I concede that the courts may separate the children, I don’t see that in their interests, atm while they are still young (6&9), but would be ok with this as they are older (perhaps 10&13).

Father 2 is arguing that father 1 should not have parental responsibility of eldest child (father 1s bio daughter). Also does not want father 1 to have access to child 2 (father 2s bio daughter). Father 2 refuses to acknowledge father 1 is eldest child’s father, has told child 1 as much (that father 1 isn’t really her father). Child 1 calls father 2 “Dad” and father 1 by his first name but acknowledges he is her bio father and has a good grasp of situation.

I’d like for both children to have access to all people important to them and subsequent children of father 1, whom they are close to also.

I’d like to understand how courts handle these situations. Interim orders are that children live with me and see each party as agreed, court has ordered for now that the children stay together, I have adhered to the parenting plan we agreed to in mediation (10/4 with me facilitating father 1s time). Child inclusive conference recommended the same, further family report is to take place in a few months.

Father 2 is hyper focused on irrelevant issues, recounting events that occurred in marriage over 4 years ago (and are untrue), refusing to negotiate, ie. will not concede to 50/50 with time shared across both his and my time with father 1, is focused on placing himself as eldest child’s legal guardian and discounting father 1s position as father openly and generally making false statements alongside upsetting and confusing the eldest child by telling her she shouldn’t be spending time with her bio father.

 

[Complex3]

I have some further questions for guidance if I may:

Family report done and distributed.

Recommendations in favour of myself (mother) overall but do not clearly distinguish under what circumstances this should occur.

Ie report states:
- current arrangement to continue if father 1 can protect children from conflict + 50% of school holidays
- if father 1 cannot do so that time reduces to every second weekend (i take that to mean 2 nights - currently 4 but again, recs are vague and don’t specify days) + 50% school holidays
- SPR to mother for child 1
- father 1 to attend parenting course and individual counselling.

My question is: current arrangement 10/4 to continue if father 1 can protect from harm / conflict. How do you measure this? Should I be amending orders to reduce time until parenting course / counselling undertaken? If I don’t request a reduction in time and just request counselling / parenting course, will I be viewed as going against FRWs recommendations? I am conscious of changing the arrangement now, when there is only 5 weeks left of school term (ie. 2 more visits to father 1) before we commenced 50/50 for school holidays which we are both in agreeance on.

Report specifies that child 1 is experiencing low self esteem and anxiety as a result of this situation and needs professional help, but that father 1 is unlikely to access this help as he dismisses this. I’d really like to resolve it, but we are non-communicative with each other and report supports that father 1 is controlling, coercive and cannot support children’s relationships with me or father 2.

Any advice?