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Migz

Well-Known Member
20 November 2016
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43
719
Hi All,

So I have just received this from my ex and it's about 80% of her parenting plan, even though she has now gone completely bonkers, and the items under specific issues are just outright baiting (please note I have no AVO or DVO against me as I've kept my nose clean this entire time), nonetheless.

What I do take offence at is this line;

* The mother does not have to inform the father if the child does not attend child care one day for the mother’s personal reason.

What do other members on here think about this?

Holidays

* 4 weeks’ notice to be given by mother/father for holidays in writing.

* If the father wants additional visits with the child due to his family visiting, he will need to give the mother 4 weeks’ notice so arrangements can be made with daycare.

* International travel holidays will need to be agreed upon by both parents with three months’ notice given in writing.

Special occasions

* On the child’s birthday xxxx, the father will pick up the child from xxxx at 12:00pm, the mother will pick up the child from the fathers house xxxx at 4:00pm.

* On public holidays the father is to make arrangements with the mother 2 weeks prior.

* On the father’s birthday, the child is to spend 4 hours with the father. The father will pick up the child from xxxx and the mother will pick up the child from the father’s house.

* If the father’s birthday falls on the mother’s weekend the father will give the mother 2 weeks’ notice of the 4-hour time frame that he would like the child during the day.

* On Father’s Day, the child is to spend time with the father from 10:00am until 2:00pm on such a day. The father will pick up the child from xxxx at 10:00am and the mother will collect the child from the father’s house at 2:00pm.

* On Christmas Day 2016, the child will spend time with the father from 8:00am until 12:00pm and alternate to 12:00pm to 4:00pmthe following and so forth. The mother will drop off the child to the father’s house and the father will return the child to the mother’s house.

* As both parents are not religious, no special terms have been written in for Easter Sunday.

Child’s activities

* The mother/father will ensure the child attend all extracurricular and social activities that occur when the child is in their care.

* The mother/father will need to inform the other of such events a week prior.

* Each parent is to inform the other if they will be attending special events

* The father is allowed to attend special occasions held by xxxx for parents to attend.

* The father will attend the child’s swimming lesson.

* The mother will inform the father if the swimming lesson’s time and date change.

Medical

* The mother/father is to notify the other as soon as possible of any medical emergency, serious injury or illness involving the child.

* If the child is taking prescribed medication, the parent who buys the child’s medication will provide the other parent with the medication and instructions for its use, when the child goes into the other parent’s care.

* Except in the case of an emergency, the parents agree the child will visit the xxxx.

* Medical professionals will be authorized to speak with either parent about the child’s health and welfare.

Specific issues

* The mother and the father have equal shared parental responsibility for long-term issues relating to the child.

* The mother/father will communicate about any issues relating to the child by email only.

* Communication between the mother/father will always relate only to the child and be polite and respectful always.

* The father is not allowed to be condescending to the mother or judge the mother’s parenting decisions for the child if they are not major decisions that do not need to be made together.

* The father is to respect the mother’s privacy and not allowed to ask the mother about her personal life or anything else not relating to the child.

* The father is not allowed to text or email the mother with abuse or sexual messages.

* The mother is not to be harassed by the father in anyway; this includes calls, emails/text or showing up at places she may be attending.

* The father is not allowed to physically touch the mother in anyway.

* The father is not allowed to contact the mother’s work place.

* The father is not allowed to contact xxxx on a daily base checking up whether the child is attending that day or ask about the mother.

* The father is allowed to contact the daycare center to find out about the progress of the child but not to constantly harass the child care Centre.

* The father is not allowed to go to the mother’s house for any reason unless he has been invited or it is written in the parenting plan.

* The mother does not have to inform the father if the child does not attend child care one day for the mother’s personal reason.

* Mobile communication is only allowed in emergencies.

* Neither parent will speak badly of the other to the child or where the child can hear, nor allow another person to do so.

* The father is not to abuse the mother in front of the child, call her names or yell at her.

* Neither parent will discuss any issues in dispute between the parents to the child or where the child can hear, nor allow another person to do so.

* If an agreement cannot be made concerning the child, then both parents will attend mediation.

* Neither parent will question the child about the other parent’s household, their family or friends.

* Each parent will be primarily responsible for caring for the child while in their care.

* Neither parent is to use physical discipline on the child or allow someone else to do so.

* The parenting plan is to be lodged with the Family Court as Consent orders.

* If either parent changes their contact telephone number, address or email they must notify the other in writing within 24 hours of that change.

* As both parents are not religious, religion is not to be forced onto the child.

* The father is to supply the mother with a road worthy certificate for the father’s car.

* The father is to fence the dam on the father’s property to ensure the child does not have access to the dam.


Cheers
 
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AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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I have some comments, but first, what's a quick rundown of the situation? How old is the child? What regular time is being proposed? How far apart do you live?
 

Migz

Well-Known Member
20 November 2016
325
43
719
Just to recap;

1. Daughter is now 10 months old

2. Interim Court Date is set for 27th Feb

3. Only orders currently in place where in relation to passport.

4. Mother currently allows me 2 hours visitation every Saturday afternoon unsupervised. (the Saturday visit has now been moved to fortnightly at her discretion, as I now get 2 hours on Tuesday afternoon weekly)

5. 30km apart (rural)

6. Im chasing 2-6pm Tuesday, 2-6pm Friday, 10am-3pm Saturday

7. She wont allow Friday because it lands on a Daycare Day, and one of her rules is no Visitations on daycare days

Cheers
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
3,664
680
2,894
Okay, my comments.

First, this is a very one-sided set of orders. Anywhere that it says that the father can or can't do something to the mother, it should say the parents can or can't do something to the other parent.

Second, there is a lot of stuff in there that's about mum's best interests, not the child's best interests. Orders that say you can't judge mum or go near mums house or speak to mum or touch mum or look at mum or think about mum are suitable for a domestic violence order, not a parenting plan.

Cut all of that out and include just four things: dad is responsible for day to day decisions when the child is spending time with him, and mum when the child is sending time with her (which means that yes, she doesn't need to tell you if the child's doesn't attend day care); the parents communicate only by email, or text in case of emergency; changeovers take place at a McDonald's that's halfway between households; and neither parent shall denigrate the other in the presence or hearing range of the child.

Third, there's a lot of requirement for notice of this and notice of that and notice notice notice, which is remarkable considering mum wants close to no contact. Except for holidays abroad, cut out the notice parts and solidify them - the child spend holiday time with the father for first half of school holidays; child spends time with the father from 8am to 8pm on father's birthday; etc. You should also be getting a full overnight, if not the weekend, for Father's Day.

Fourth, don't make these into consent orders unless there are provisions for the child spending more time with you in future as the child gets older. Cut that order out all together. It literally has no point in a parenting plan because it's not enforceable by the court anyway.

Fifth...you're kind of getting shafted, mate. Four hours every Christmas? No provisions for Easter, that being the longest weekend in the calendar year?

Look, to me, it looks like mum hasn't had any input from a lawyer at all. The Court would never make orders like these. They're far too complicated because they attempt to micro-manage you, they're not appropriate for when the child is older and needs a more predictable routine, and they're not specific enough about things that matter, like holidays and special occasions.

They're essentially giving mum the freedom to choose when the child sees you, and that's not a power any Court would grant where shared parental responsibility is being ordered.

Oh, and if you're insuring the child's attendance at extra-curricular activities, make sure their enrolment requires consent from both parents.
 
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Migz

Well-Known Member
20 November 2016
325
43
719
Allforher... thank you for you fantastic response. Mediation is tomorrow afternoon. And I have tomorrow off to finalise my paperwork in the morning. Your insight is invaluable. And yes I really am getting shafted. But not for much longer.

I've also been advised that her requirements of fencing the dam and driving a roadworthy vehicle can be done away with as well.

Cheers
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
3,664
680
2,894
Yes, those can be done away with as well.

This is just a suggestion, and you should change it to what you want, but this is what I would pitch (without the unnecessary stuff):

1. That the parents have equal shared parental responsibility.

2. That the father have responsibility for day-to-day decisions when the child is in his care, and the mother have responsibility for day-to-day decisions when the child is in his care.

3. That the child live with the mother.

4. That the child spend time with the father as agreed between the parties and failing agreement, in a fortnightly cycle as follows:

a) Until the child turns 2, from 2:00pm until 6:00pm Tuesday in the first week; and from 2:00pm until 6:00pm Tuesday and from 2:00pm Friday until 3:00pm Saturday in the second week;

b) Upon the child attaining the age of 2, order 4(a) shall be suspended and the child shall spend time with the father from 2:00pm until 6:00pm Tuesday in the first week; and from 2:00pm until 6:00pm Tuesday and from 2:00pm Friday until 6:00pm Sunday in the second week;

c) Upon the child attaining the age of 4, order 4(b) shall be suspended and the child shall spend time with the father from 2:00pm until 6:00pm Tuesday in the first week; and from 2:00pm until 6:00pm Tuesday and from 2:00pm Friday until 10:00am Monday in the second week;
[or whatever gradual increase in time you want]

5. That the child shall spend holiday time with the father as agreed between the parties and failing agreement, as follows:

a) Until the child commences school, for a period of no longer than seven days, four times each year, with the father to give at least four weeks' notice to the mother of intended holiday time;

b) When the commences school, for the first half of the Term 1, Term 2 and Term 3 gazetted school holidays, and the first week of the long summer holidays and each alternate week thereafter, with changeover to take place at 6:00pm each Friday;

6. That the child spend time with the father on special occasions as agreed between the parties, and failing agreement, as follows:

a) From 6:00pm Christmas Eve until 2:00pm Christmas Day in even years; and from 2:00pm Christmas Day until 6:00pm Boxing Day in odd years;

b) From 6:00pm the Thursday preceding Good Friday until 6:00pm Easter Saturday in even years; and from 6:00pm Easter Saturday until 6:00pm Easter Monday in odd years;

c) On the weekend that comprises Father's Day, from 6:00pm Friday until 6:00pm Sunday;

d) On the child's birthday, from 2:00pm until 6:00pm;

e) On the father's birthday, from 9:00am until 6:00pm;.


7. That the child communicate with the father by telephone call each Thursday and Sunday that the child is in the father's care between 5:30pm and 6:00pm, with the father to initiate the phone call, and the mother to ensure the child is free to accept the phone call and has privacy for the duration of the phone call;

8. That the child communicate with the mother by telephone call each Saturday that the child is in the father's care between 5:30pm and 6:00pm, with the mother to initiate the phone call, and the father to ensure the child is free to accept the phone and has privacy for the duration of the phone call;

7. That changeovers shall take place at [a public place, usually McDonald's somewhere in the middle];

8. That the parents shall communicate only about the child and only via e-mail except in case of an emergency at which time the parents shall communicate via text message;

9. That the parents shall not denigrate or undermine the other parent in the presence or hearing range of the child;

And the usual ancillary orders - that each of the parents is at liberty to contact any relevant health professional and education provider about the child, that each of the parents is to attend mediation in case of disagreement about a long-term decision relating to the child, etc.

A parenting plan is no place for all the complicated rules and regulations that's she's trying to include. The document is about the child, it's not a rule book for managing the squabbles between the parents. Cut out the unnecessary stuff, and just stick to what's important.
 
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sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Yep - let her have the crazy s**t - but change it all to neither parent. Enforce the whole idea that she isn't welcome near your home either, but do yourself this one huge favour - smile and nod...seriously...

Sorry I don't have time for a longer response, but I think this is her strategy.... So you'll get so caught up arguing that she is an idiot, that you'll forget one salient point... Idiots are not very smart, so she won't understand. So you'll spend 4 hours trying to get her to understand that the dam, the car, the strict communication is just BS and as a result, you'll walk away from the mediation having achieved nothing.

Don't waste your time at mediation talking about the crazy stuff - you know it is crazy - she doesn't... So work on the important thing - Time with the child. And it doesn't say anything about that.

Oh - and don't agree to do extra curricular stuff on your time - you will find yourself at mother's groups hanging with her friends / spies and it will be insanely awkward and she will love getting to order you about and you can bet if you tell her that the child has been invited to a party with someone you know the answer will be that the kid was sick.
 

MartyK

Well-Known Member
4 June 2016
419
61
794
6. Im chasing 2-6pm Tuesday, 2-6pm Friday, 10am-3pm Saturday

This is very age appropriate for a 10 month old baby Migz.

Migz said:
7. She wont allow Friday because it lands on a Daycare Day, and one of her rules is no Visitations on daycare days

Who presently pays for the childcare this day? Perhaps some discussion surrounding shared payment?

Migz said:
Interim Court date is set for 27th Feb

As the matter is already listed, as well as the mothers parenting plan proposal, if different, you might also like to refer to the orders she is seeking and go through them prior to the mediation (and Court date) to see if there are any orders that you agree with and/or could agree with, with some minor 'tweaks'.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,443
644
2,894
Marty - I disagree... He pays child support. Why should he pay for child care costs? He should only pay for child care costs if he chooses to put the child in care.
 

MartyK

Well-Known Member
4 June 2016
419
61
794
Marty - I disagree... He pays child support. Why should he pay for child care costs... He should only pay for child care costs if he chooses to put the child in care.

Should one parent be liable for a full day cost of childcare if the other parent would like to remove the child from the childcare centre for part of the day? That is the question!