Mother seeking out child at school while in father's care

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JadeGoldCoast

Well-Known Member
7 October 2017
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Hi all,

Father has shared care of child with mother - 50/50. Mother has on a number of occasions attended child's school during the fathers week and sought child out.
Previously she volunteered for a school disco and spent a week visiting the child while he was at afters school care. Today she was in his classroom giving the teacher a note as I (step mum) dropped him off to class - no notes are due this week, they are due next week when child is in mothers care. Child usually attends before school care so mother was not aware I would be there today. Mother also tells child not to tell father and step mum when mother visits him at school so we don't know how often this is actually occurring.

Is this breaking orders? Or is this something we need to try to manage the best we can? Child becomes unsettled whenever mother does this. Child is 6 and we accept that 7 days away from mum and dad is difficult at the best of times.

Any advice?
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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go make a cuppa....
Mum taking an interest in the kid... Nice. But it is easy to cloud your judgement. Family law tends to do that.

Now I'm pretty sure your orders will say something like 'Shared Parental Responsibility' and Parents have the right to be involved in school stuff. So nope mum isn't doing anything wrong.

Food for thought. 6 year old in a few years is playing in the grand final of football. If it is mum's weekend, can dad attend? YES...

Look mum might be a bit of a twit and is playing silly games. BUT it isn't worth your while doing anything about it...
 

JadeGoldCoast

Well-Known Member
7 October 2017
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2
289
Hi Sammy, thanks for your reply.
The orders do state both parents can attend school events, however, waiting for the child in his classroom we didn't feel fit into this criteria.
We would really not like to cause more drama so we will ignore and hope it doesn't continue or get any worse at least.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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So working at the canteen? sweet, attending assemblies. No worries. Anything else? well the school has a responsibility to sort that out. If the school is good with it then no worries. The school isn't gonna want some parent casually walking around so they can see their kid.

She seems a weirdo... Best avoid doing anything that will cause trouble. Steer clear of her. Sadlly, no court order can stop a twit from being a twit.
 

Tremaine

Well-Known Member
5 February 2019
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I’ve seen a few cases where this kind of ‘interference’ was occurring and I’m not aware of any cases where the court didn’t consider it a problem. A lot ended up with injunctions basically excluding the offending parent from attending school during the child’s time with the other parent. My understanding is that the court tends to view it as a deliberate attempt to interfere with the other parent’s parenting time, particularly where conflict and obstructionist behaviours have been an issue before.

It’s probably worth writing to her lawyer about it. Where are you at with proceedings? Have final orders been issued?
 

Tim W

Lawyer
LawTap Verified
28 April 2014
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Anything else? well the school has a responsibility to sort that out.
Actually, I think you'll find that most schools run a mile from Family Law compliance questions.
They are typically very, very, reluctant to be drawn into it.
The school isn't gonna want some parent casually walking around so they can see their kid.
Indeed not.
But she's probably lying to the school about the scope of the order.
And the school staff are probably too sooky conflict-averse to call her on it.
Not to mention how embarrassing it must be for the kid.
She seems a weirdo...
Not language that I would use, but I get the point being made by it.
On the numbers, it's normally estranged fathers who stalk the school...
 
Last edited:

rjm

Well-Known Member
2 February 2020
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A weirdo, or possibly just a loving Mum who's having a hard time being away from her child. Not every action is an attempt to annoy your ex.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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GGRR - Tremaine - Given it is 50/50. I'm prepared to guess orders are final. So is this worth apply to court over? NOPE - It probably isn't a breach anyways. So writing to her solicitor when the case is final is a waste of time. Especially if it isn't a breach of the orders.

Tim - my comment about the school sorting it out was not in reference to family law. If anything it is duty of care. I'm a teacher and I understand that when I see any adult in the school they need to have a visitors pass clearly present and I have a responsibility to ask anyone I don't know who is not wearing a pass to explain themselves.... Sooky? Recent research has proven teachers are less sooky than previously thought BUT solicitors continue to be arrogant.

So your input in helping our original poster has been zero. Thanks for coming.

Atticus - I reckon o'l mate might be right on the data... See plenty of males with stitched up avo's are gonna be hinding out in their cars with sunnies on - hoping to get a glimpse of their kid in the playground. These numbers would be reported if the bloke gets caught.... Meanwhile - the vindictive ex who is also stalking out the school in the hope of catching dad wont be reported in the data that O'l mate seems to be referring to because they don't get charged. The data on gender ratio of court applicants would be interesting. I'm willing to bet the majority of applicants in parenting matters are blokes. Wanna guess why?

Jade - a chat with mum would be the starting point. Then the school. But you do have the right to remain silent.... See my thinking is IF it is not a breach of the orders (and I don't think it is) then talking to mum will only let her know that you think it is a problem. This is an argument best left alone. The school will intervene if they see it as a problem.
 
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Atticus

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6 February 2019
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Atticus - I reckon o'l mate might be right on the data... See plenty of males with stitched up avo's are gonna be hinding out in their cars with sunnies on - hoping to get a glimpse of their kid in the playground.
Yep.... They were my thoughts to....Sad...Was just interested if Tim was quoting from an actual source, cause I would have like to see what it was.... Anyway, he hasn't seen fit it post it here so far if there is a source.. Will keep an eye out.