NSW Partner's Ex Refusing Visitation until Consent Orders are in Place?

[Hpflstpmum]

Good luck speck1!! At least it's just one hurdle you have to battle through now. Good news about everything else being agreed.

AllForHer such good advice about the social media example. I've read through that case and have taken that snippet in the order for ours to ask our lawyers too as my partner has in the past in slandered on Facebook. We've both been blocked by her now but who knows what she's saying! So good protection if both of them have that clause.

My partner is very keen on going back to mediation to talk it out with the mother again seeing as she is not allowing any contact whatsoever and hasn't responded to our correspondence with her. We'd like to settle everything amicably but who knows what frame of mind she is in.

After reading some of the other cases on that site, I'm also going to encourage my partner to attempt to reach out again to speak with his daughter. The mother may just have a fleeting change of heart! One question though - will it seem as if he's being inflammatory by texting her asking to speak with his daughter if the mother has said no to any contact until the order is in place?

 

[AllForHer]

The court would never in a million years berate a parent's reasonable and respectful attempt to be a part of the child's life.

If the request is accompanied by name-calling, threats and intimidation, then you may have a problem.

But if the request is more akin to, "Hello, I was wondering if X would be free for a phone call with me this evening, does 7pm work for you? If not, is there a time that is more suitable?", then you're not going to have any issues.

If the response is "No" or "Never" or some other form of refusal, then "No worries, just let me know when she is free for a chat" is a healthy response, whereas "You're a terrible parent, you're scum, I can't believe you could do this to your own daughter" probably isn't going to win you any brownie points.

If you are respectful, and she gets inflamed, that's a reflection of her, not you.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Thanks AllForHer! I just didn't want to encourage him and have it backfire on us if we didn't respect the mother's 'wishes' (for lack of a better description) by not contacting her. I'll let my partner know. I thought it would be the case where trying as hard as you can in a respectful manner would be seen as ok but thought I might get an opinion first

 

[AllForHer]

Your partner should enrol in a post-separation parenting course or Parenting Orders Program through Relationships Australia. Very helpful for teaching people how to communicate after separation and reduce conflict. It's free. Even if he does it and the mother refuses, he can learn a lot on how to disengage from the conflict, stay child-focused and potentially even influence the mother to behave in a similar manner. It also looks very good to the court because it shows effort to co-operate.

 

[speck1]

That's where we have come unstuck - fiancee and I have only let our emotions get the better of us a couple of times and we let go of a few name calling texts when didn't show up to drop offs a couple of times.

Given the ex-wife's ridiculous claims that she doesn't want me working when child is with me, to try save going for interim orders we have offered one final offer to settle...if not it leaves us no option and would be great to get help off you guys when applying (paperwork)

We offered every 3rd weekend-no holidays...awaiting reply, if she denies that we are going all the way and will go for primary carer.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

I intend on having my partner bring up the POP in mediation when the ex is present AllForHer! Picked that one up from one of the cases I read yesterday, haha. I agree that it would be nothing but beneficial. The fact that it's free is a bonus. Only hurdle will be working around if he gets a new job and getting time off!
So my partner is going to send the text today when he gets home from TAFE. So hoping we get a good reply. As you say though, if she replies in an unsavoury manner or not at all, at least it's good for us too in terms of evidence.

speck1 fingers crossed for you

 

[AllForHer]

@Hpflstpmum The post-separation parenting course that my husband and I did (relating to co-parenting with his former spouse) was conducted after hours once a week, for six weeks, so hopefully they offer the same sort of flexibility where you are.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Gosh that would be ideal @AllForHer

 

[Hpflstpmum]

@AllForHer I was wondering if you could give me some words of wisdom?
The ex has replied to my partner about asking to speak to his daughter saying "no. If you weren't a complete ass about the consent order things would be sorted by now".
How do you think he should respond?

 

[Hpflstpmum]

My partner ended up sending a text saying he was sorry she felt that way and was there any chance of a compromise on the order she had sent last, and that he really just missed his daughter and wanted to see and talk to her.
She replied saying she is having to find a lawyer because of how complicated it is and the 'bullsh*t' we have put in it. Then he replied saying no worries and thank you anyway.
Surprisingly she then texted saying "just call you got 10 minutes" and so he said thank you and rang! He actually got to speak to his daughter after months. It was fantastic. It sounded like they were out somewhere and she sounded happy. A little sadness in her voice and a little distant towards him but happy. Not sure when we'll be able to do that again but anyway at least he got to speak to her at all.
Also glad we now know she's still looking for a lawyer which makes me think I was right in assuming she was applying for legal aid as that can take a number of weeks.
We'll see how we go over the coming weeks. It so makes me sad hearing that she feels a little awkward talking to him when she hasn't spoken to him in so long