My partner and I have been together for 4 years now. We are living in SA. My partner has an ex-gf and they have two daughters. One is 14 years old and the other is 11 years old. My partner has requested mediation for property settlement and parenting plan but the ex has refused.
Since late 2011, she started a new relationship with a man, and now they have a 3-year-old kid together. Since they started living together in May 2012, they wanted to have the property share and agreed to do the mediation, finally.
In Feb 2013, we agreed upon a parental plan and property settlement, and these were documented by a lawyer. Our arrangement is: 3 nights every fortnight with the father (my partner) and the ex-gf as the primary care of the children. It was 65% : 35%.
We are ok with that arrangement, however, while looking after the children on schooldays is much easier as it is very structured in terms of time schedules than our all holidays and weekend care only, we are seeking the 50 / 50 shared care.
In our parenting plan, it is stated that if either the parent has a medical condition, the other parent will have the care of children. When both of us were sick and could not look after the kids at once, we asked her to have the children. She refused saying she's already got a plan. Every time she gives birth or before she needs to see a GP or whatever the reason, whenever she asked for care of the kids, we managed the time, picking up and looking after the children.
She could ask her current partner or her family members, but she asked us first as it is stated on the parenting plan, and then when we asked her to have the kids because of our medical conditions, she refused.
Then the older daughter has started showing her teenage issues and differences with her mother. They get into an argument and normally, my partner's ex would ask for his help to pick the daughter up and talked to her. But his ex is also tellling the kids that they have a 'bad f**ckhead father' and an 'evil and bad step-mother', etc. She's always manipulating the kids. We have kept ourselves quiet and never spoke ill about her in front of the children. It is not easy, though.
Recently, the older daughter and her mum (ex) have gotten into more frequent arguments and one night, my partner's ex all of a sudden rang and said to my partner that he has to pick the older daughter up because the daughter is always rude and needs to be educated. We will have her 100% from now on. That was middle of June 2016.
Quite recently, his ex started saying she wants her daughter back. We are ok with that and we think the children need both parents for sure. However, the daughter still needs to learn respect. So we are still not sure whether is in her best interest to let her go back to her mum's place.
However, since the middle of the June, since the daughter's mum kicked her daughter out from her place, they haven't seen each other. So we arranged for them to see each other last Saturday for a couple of hours.
Then on Monday, the daughter went to school as usual, and then she all of a sudden went back to her mum's place. We were worried when she didn't come home from school. My partner rang his ex, but she didn't answer, so we called the younger daughter's phone and found out the older daughter was also at their mum's home. Their mother didn't inform us at all. Again, my partner rang his ex and she just answered for 20 seconds and said "my daughter said you are ok with her coming back to my place" and hung up.
Th older daughter said she asked my partner to coming to her mum's place on Monday. However if she had asked, either of us would not say 'yes' at this point of the time. We straight knew that this was orchestrated by her mum to get the daughter back.
Originally, she was the one who cheated and broke the trust, and now she's still the one playing the game to control the situation on her terms. She manipulated the children, taking things as much as she want. We are exhausted with her way of playing the game re; children.
They have been separated for long enough and she needs to grown up.
I just wonder, is there any way I can avoid her way playing or disrespect of us re; shared parenting?
We have a parenting plan but this is not a court order. Is there anyway I can say this is not right?
We really need to change such an exhausting way to follow the parenting plan. It should be equal rights for both of us.
Since late 2011, she started a new relationship with a man, and now they have a 3-year-old kid together. Since they started living together in May 2012, they wanted to have the property share and agreed to do the mediation, finally.
In Feb 2013, we agreed upon a parental plan and property settlement, and these were documented by a lawyer. Our arrangement is: 3 nights every fortnight with the father (my partner) and the ex-gf as the primary care of the children. It was 65% : 35%.
We are ok with that arrangement, however, while looking after the children on schooldays is much easier as it is very structured in terms of time schedules than our all holidays and weekend care only, we are seeking the 50 / 50 shared care.
In our parenting plan, it is stated that if either the parent has a medical condition, the other parent will have the care of children. When both of us were sick and could not look after the kids at once, we asked her to have the children. She refused saying she's already got a plan. Every time she gives birth or before she needs to see a GP or whatever the reason, whenever she asked for care of the kids, we managed the time, picking up and looking after the children.
She could ask her current partner or her family members, but she asked us first as it is stated on the parenting plan, and then when we asked her to have the kids because of our medical conditions, she refused.
Then the older daughter has started showing her teenage issues and differences with her mother. They get into an argument and normally, my partner's ex would ask for his help to pick the daughter up and talked to her. But his ex is also tellling the kids that they have a 'bad f**ckhead father' and an 'evil and bad step-mother', etc. She's always manipulating the kids. We have kept ourselves quiet and never spoke ill about her in front of the children. It is not easy, though.
Recently, the older daughter and her mum (ex) have gotten into more frequent arguments and one night, my partner's ex all of a sudden rang and said to my partner that he has to pick the older daughter up because the daughter is always rude and needs to be educated. We will have her 100% from now on. That was middle of June 2016.
Quite recently, his ex started saying she wants her daughter back. We are ok with that and we think the children need both parents for sure. However, the daughter still needs to learn respect. So we are still not sure whether is in her best interest to let her go back to her mum's place.
However, since the middle of the June, since the daughter's mum kicked her daughter out from her place, they haven't seen each other. So we arranged for them to see each other last Saturday for a couple of hours.
Then on Monday, the daughter went to school as usual, and then she all of a sudden went back to her mum's place. We were worried when she didn't come home from school. My partner rang his ex, but she didn't answer, so we called the younger daughter's phone and found out the older daughter was also at their mum's home. Their mother didn't inform us at all. Again, my partner rang his ex and she just answered for 20 seconds and said "my daughter said you are ok with her coming back to my place" and hung up.
Th older daughter said she asked my partner to coming to her mum's place on Monday. However if she had asked, either of us would not say 'yes' at this point of the time. We straight knew that this was orchestrated by her mum to get the daughter back.
Originally, she was the one who cheated and broke the trust, and now she's still the one playing the game to control the situation on her terms. She manipulated the children, taking things as much as she want. We are exhausted with her way of playing the game re; children.
They have been separated for long enough and she needs to grown up.
I just wonder, is there any way I can avoid her way playing or disrespect of us re; shared parenting?
We have a parenting plan but this is not a court order. Is there anyway I can say this is not right?
We really need to change such an exhausting way to follow the parenting plan. It should be equal rights for both of us.
