NSW Partner's Ex Refusing Visitation until Consent Orders are in Place?

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speck1

Well-Known Member
24 June 2015
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thanks guys- taking your comments into consideration (All For Her), i think you are right.
Last night i discussed with my fiancee that i will attend mediation alone.
Yes she wasn't happy as we had agreed to do everything together but she can still support me in other ways.

She has gone through a lot being with me and i can see how she is so "over it" due to my ex-wife's behaviour.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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I think you're making the right decision, and I hope your fiancee sees that it's the best thing you can both do for the child's sake at this point in time.

As a step-parent myself, I can certainly make sense of her feelings because it's frustrating to feel like you're being excluded just to appease a hateful parent, and it is difficult to fight back that overwhelming temptation to 'rub it in' to the other parent that you're a part of the thing, whether they like it or not.

But unfortunately, it's your daughter who would likely cop the brunt of her mother's reaction - she might have to endure non-stop denigration about you and your fiancee, and would likely have to go even longer without seeing you.

Instead, just live well. It's the best revenge a person can get.
 
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Hpflstpmum

Well-Known Member
2 October 2015
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My partner found out today he is losing his job by the end of this month. We hope he may have another job lined up in the next couple of months but it is hard to say. Now we're in a very difficult position because we cannot afford the lawyer he has due to loss of his job and looks like we won't be eligible for legal aid because I have maternity leave pay. Things are not looking so go for us to see his daughter at all and I'm concerned the time between him leaving this job and finding another will somehow look bad when he goes to try again with the mother.
Do you think it's at all possible to approach the ex for mediation again? I don't think they will come to an agreement because of her wanting the plan as an order to ensure we return their daughter when she flies to see us but would it at least show we are still actively trying to see her?
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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Of course - your spouse should definitely continue trying to negotiate with the other parent for more time with the child. To give you an idea of why I always say this, refer to a case published today by the Federal Circuit Court.

In this particular case, one parent moved unilaterally on two occasions and refused to facilitate time between parent and child. This is what the judge had to say about a series of text messages in which the parent does not respond, nor make any other effort to ensure the child can see the other party:

It is troubling when one looks at these messages. It is quite clear that the father was seeking an ongoing relationship with the son and that the mother was aware of this although she denied receiving all of these messages initially, but this was clarified when she produced her telephone on Day 3. The mother ignored his requests from 16 January 2014 and subsequently relocated to a place unknown to the father.
Further, when asked about the relocation and if the parent regretted it, the judge noted:

She never said that she regrets that the father and the child did not have an ongoing relationship. She never said she regrets her son not having seen his father for that period. Her regret, in my view, was too little too late and not focussed on the real issues that surrounds the best interests of the child.
Granted, you can't make assumptions about the outcome of a case based on any single, or even cumulative, judgment handed down by the court, but it is consistent that court doesn't take to parents who don't recognise and facilitate a child's relationship with the other parent. Similarly, the court always takes well to parents who continue trying.

I'm sorry to hear your partner will be out of the job at the end of the month, but don't stress too much on that in terms of the parenting issue. The court will be unlikely to give it significant weight because at the end of the day, parents can't predict when they're going to be made redundant, and employment doesn't determine a person's parenting capacity or relationship between parent and child. Provided unemployment isn't going to make you homeless, it should not be an issue.

Finally, I would still advise at least applying for Legal Aid. It takes into account a large range of considerations, including likelihood of success, not just household income. If you don't get it, fine, but you should at least try.
 

speck1

Well-Known Member
24 June 2015
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or another option is...putting a few offers on the table for her to possibly sign off on and make into consent orders.
will cost about $1000
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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Very proactive, speck1. Hopefully, your ex is somewhat responsive.
 

Hpflstpmum

Well-Known Member
2 October 2015
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Thank you AllForHer. You really do make things so much easier in terms of what to do next. That article gives hope too - even if it is just a one case. I've said to my partner going for legal aid could still be a good idea and if not, then at least we said we tried. Nothing is instantaneous in this area of life which is the frustrating part but in the end we have to keep going and hopefully his daughter will eventually get to see him.

Mediation would be good in the interim considering the position we're in and will hopefully show we still want to be proactive. The thing that has got me wondering is maybe the reason why my partner's ex is taking so long is because she is waiting for legal aid to be approved for her. Who knows!

We won't be able to apply for legal aid until his job finishes as the grants department explained you send through and apply based on now and we are not in a position right now to 'not' be able to afford our own lawyer. Maybe by then his ex will respond.
AllForHer - is that article on this website?

speck1 - we have actually been in negotiations with my partner's ex for months now so unfortunately that isn't really on the cards which is why I thought mediation wok do be a good place to start again. I do appreciate the suggestion though and hope your offer gets accepted!
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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The case is Ball & Temple [2015] FCCA 2431.

Link: Ball & Temple [2015] FCCA 2431 (30 September 2015)

Reading decisions on parenting matters is very informative for those entering into the system as they give a very good idea of how the court applies the Family Law Act 1975 in terms of the children's best interests.

Austlii is the best source for published decisions. It can appear overwhelming if you're not familiar with anything law, but if you'd like some information about where to look and how to use the database search options, let me know.
 
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Hpflstpmum

Well-Known Member
2 October 2015
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Oh my gosh that had to be one of the most interesting reads and so encouraging. I realize it's dependent on the judge and your own personal circumstances but gee that gives me so much hope for my partner as the attitude of the mother sounds a lot like what I think she feels towards us.
Thank you AllForHer!
I would love to know how I use the database search?