NSW Mother Attempts to Discredit Father - Family Court?

[Alert]

Oh I'm not a lawyer or anything but my partner is involved in a custody case with his ex who moved interstate whilst refusing to participate in mediation. We're waiting to hear back on the last family report, then we can finally go to trial and sort out final orders. Its been a 2 year process involving parental alienation, 3x attempts by my partner at private mediation. We finally got interim orders Feb last year but after 2x failed court ordered mediations, one report where our alienation concerns weren't mentioned but the mothers allegation that the daughter is being harmed by sleeping in the dark was worth a mention, my partner is not optimistic about his chances as either the mother is allowed to stay in her state with the child and he is relegated to holidays, or the daughter is ordered back with us in which case she would be the holiday parent. We have been trying for 50/50 the whole time and seek the same if the mother does at any time return to her daughters home state. I am choosing to be optimistic as we have stability, a baby brother she should get to know, and have always abided by orders and been encouraging co-parenting communication. We also have LOTS of evidence of the mothers choices that go directly against the daughters best interests and her attempts to destroy the daughters relationship with her father. We'll see!

Sounds difficult with the child in another state, any thoughts of moving there?? I know that you shouldn’t have to move interstate to see your own child though, partners child.

I can suggest something that I feel may be of help.

The family report that Family Court send you to, is not worth a piece of ? in my opinion, the reason I say this, when your in the system for so long you become a number and they just want it over and done with.

What I did was pay for a family report, this was by a forensic family psychologist. I can’t recall how much cost, it’s so different to what the court organise.

The children are seen interacting with each parent separately. You don’t have to see the other parent on the day this occurs.

This report has so much more weight than the family report order. I believe because of the experience a forensic family psychologist has over a councillor, I think family court use a councillor.

Another report that was helpful is a forensic psychologist report. In my situation the x would not agree unless I had the report also, so I agreed, I had to pay for that also and again I can’t recall how much the report was.

If you feel the mother is mentally disturbed, as I knew the x was in my situation, the report showed everything that I knew and had been saying, so it wasn’t only being said from me the ‘mother’, this was from a forensic psychologist who travels around the world.

I read other posts where people can’t afford this, it is extremely upsetting knowing this, because as you would know you try and do what is the best for your child and it’s unfair that people are under pressure/stress and it all depends on money, that’s what the courts needs to realise, some families can’t afford for these services and this is about innocent children, this frustrates me so I can only imagine how frustrating this is for parents.

Also for me it was finding the correct barrister, this was a extremely important.

I wouldn’t agree with some of the barristers when didn’t I feel comfortable, knowing that this is all about my children. I found some barristers/solicitor were only prepared to do the bare minimum.

If you are in Victoria I can give you the name of the barrister I used. She was an animal, very nice person, down to earth, funny and quick witted which I believe is what you need if you need someone fighting for you in court.
In the court room she knows her stuff and when she was pushed, she would push back harder, worth every cent, she fights hard, straight to the point, she takes your situation personally.

Does your child have an ICL appointed??

It is good to hear your partner is optimistic, this will help, once you begin to feel pessimistic your letting it go and can easily give up.
At times I was so friggen tired and wanted court to end, I could have easily ended it, all I had to do was agree on different situations.
I couldn’t because I would have been giving up on my children and going against what I truly believe all because I was sick and tired of it, wasn’t gonna happen.

I have read your posts about keeping notes on everything, this is important also and know you are aware why.

When it comes to the Final Hearing the parents are prosecuted. This is where I was all good as I didn’t tell a lie from day one, so when something was put to me for example, ‘but you said this on such and such date, now your saying this’, ‘so what it is’.
With the x, he contradicted himself more times than I can remember. If the mother is not being truthful this is where she will come undone. You can appeal the decision at Final Hearing and when you go back to court they are your reasons why. I took notes when the x was being prosecuted.

I will get back to you, I’m sure this is enough to think about for now.

 

[Alert]

Oh I'm not a lawyer or anything but my partner is involved in a custody case with his ex who moved interstate whilst refusing to participate in mediation. We're waiting to hear back on the last family report, then we can finally go to trial and sort out final orders. Its been a 2 year process involving parental alienation, 3x attempts by my partner at private mediation. We finally got interim orders Feb last year but after 2x failed court ordered mediations, one report where our alienation concerns weren't mentioned but the mothers allegation that the daughter is being harmed by sleeping in the dark was worth a mention, my partner is not optimistic about his chances as either the mother is allowed to stay in her state with the child and he is relegated to holidays, or the daughter is ordered back with us in which case she would be the holiday parent. We have been trying for 50/50 the whole time and seek the same if the mother does at any time return to her daughters home state. I am choosing to be optimistic as we have stability, a baby brother she should get to know, and have always abided by orders and been encouraging co-parenting communication. We also have LOTS of evidence of the mothers choices that go directly against the daughters best interests and her attempts to destroy the daughters relationship with her father. We'll see!

My apologies Hummingbird you are optimistic that’s excellent. You need to get your partner on board with you.

 

[Hummingbird]

Sounds difficult with the child in another state, any thoughts of moving there?? I know that you shouldn’t have to move interstate to see your own child though, partners child.

I can suggest something that I feel may be of help.

The family report that Family Court send you to, is not worth a piece of ? in my opinion, the reason I say this, when your in the system for so long you become a number and they just want it over and done with.

What I did was pay for a family report, this was by a forensic family psychologist. I can’t recall how much cost, it’s so different to what the court organise.

The children are seen interacting with each parent separately. You don’t have to see the other parent on the day this occurs.

This report has so much more weight than the family report order. I believe because of the experience a forensic family psychologist has over a councillor, I think family court use a councillor.

Another report that was helpful is a forensic psychologist report. In my situation the x would not agree unless I had the report also, so I agreed, I had to pay for that also and again I can’t recall how much the report was.

If you feel the mother is mentally disturbed, as I knew the x was in my situation, the report showed everything that I knew and had been saying, so it wasn’t only being said from me the ‘mother’, this was from a forensic psychologist who travels around the world.

I read other posts where people can’t afford this, it is extremely upsetting knowing this, because as you would know you try and do what is the best for your child and it’s unfair that people are under pressure/stress and it all depends on money, that’s what the courts needs to realise, some families can’t afford for these services and this is about innocent children, this frustrates me so I can only imagine how frustrating this is for parents.

Also for me it was finding the correct barrister, this was a extremely important.

I wouldn’t agree with some of the barristers when didn’t I feel comfortable, knowing that this is all about my children. I found some barristers/solicitor were only prepared to do the bare minimum.

If you are in Victoria I can give you the name of the barrister I used. She was an animal, very nice person, down to earth, funny and quick witted which I believe is what you need if you need someone fighting for you in court.
In the court room she knows her stuff and when she was pushed, she would push back harder, worth every cent, she fights hard, straight to the point, she takes your situation personally.

Does your child have an ICL appointed??

It is good to hear your partner is optimistic, this will help, once you begin to feel pessimistic your letting it go and can easily give up.
At times I was so friggen tired and wanted court to end, I could have easily ended it, all I had to do was agree on different situations.
I couldn’t because I would have been giving up on my children and going against what I truly believe all because I was sick and tired of it, wasn’t gonna happen.

I have read your posts about keeping notes on everything, this is important also and know you are aware why.

When it comes to the Final Hearing the parents are prosecuted. This is where I was all good as I didn’t tell a lie from day one, so when something was put to me for example, ‘but you said this on such and such date, now your saying this’, ‘so what it is’.
With the x, he contradicted himself more times than I can remember. If the mother is not being truthful this is where she will come undone. You can appeal the decision at Final Hearing and when you go back to court they are your reasons why. I took notes when the x was being prosecuted.

I will get back to you, I’m sure this is enough to think about for now.

We're in Queensland, but not thinking of moving to the daughters current state both because we want to wait and see what final orders may bring and because I'm about to have a baby. I am definitely laser focussed on the time at trial where the mother is made to answer for her false allegations and alienating behaviours, where evidence is put in her face and she can't wriggle out of it. I think based on the fact she has no permanent residence and is living with her parents, has no job, has neglected to fulfil certain medical and other stipulations she herself put in the interim orders, that she has discredited herself enough by the time it gets to trial that she has easily demonstrated acting directly against her daughters' best interests and acted selfishly and vindictively. My partner and I both have full time jobs in emergency services and can and now will with this new baby, be able to be flexible with rosters to ensure appropriate care. She has a bedroom here, she knows and has a great relationship with me and my family, and we want her to be around to have a meaningful relationship with her sibling. We have no bad behaviours to answer to and have no interest in revenge tactics, in fact if the mother came back we would be happy to go 50/50 as we believe that would be better for their daughter as neither parent is outright abusive or neglectful, it's just the mother has a crap personality and makes bad selfish choices. In the meantime, we are definitely lucky enough to be able to afford a decent lawyer and hopefully they fulfil their attack dog reputation when the time comes.

 

[Alert]

Firstly Congrats.
Is there any chance the mother will move closer?
Because the mother has no permanent residence and is living with her parents and does not hold a job, this is not any reason that will stand in court.
When you mention medical fulfilments, I am unaware exactly what that can be? If the child does have a medical condition and needs rehab etc that benefits the child, I would definitely say neglect, if it’s say a flu shot, which I personally do not have my children receiving, I can’t see this as neglect.
At least you have the child’s best interest from what you have said and you are not wanting to cut off the mother from her life, you are definitely dedicated to the child needs. I believe court will want the child having a relationship with your baby.
When you say crap personality, I get this totally, her personality could not be so crap towards her child, are the bad choices enough to effect the child. I know alienating is a bad choice of hers and not following orders etc. The mother should be grateful she is dealing with level headed people such as yourself and the child’s father and grateful knowing her child will not be in any harm.
I followed the orders always and it was the x who wasn’t and would file a contravention on me for something that was not in the orders and didn’t “realise” that is what the order meant, tried playing huge mind games. If your on top of it all as you sound you are, things will work out.