QLD Separated for More than 5 Years - Ex Refusing Mediation?

[David Weekes]

Hi, guys.

TLDR - go to last paragraph...

Here's a basic rundown of what's going on:

1. Ex left 5 years ago to be with the guy she was having an affair with, who then became her de facto.

2. Initially, she did not want the kids and then decided on a 3/7 shared custody basis, and, once she discovered she would need to pay child support to me (she earns more than I do), she settled on 50/50 with me (uses special occasions to demand changes occasionally)...

In the second year of this, she threatened to take them away from me, however, stopped once she received an email from my lawyer... This has been ongoing for 4.5 years... Although, in September last year, after a serious argument with my son (14) which resulted in me hitting him on the arm (he is larger than me and had taken to punching the wall next to my head and shaping up to me), she convinced him to then stay with her full time, and changed our agreement to ever second weekend with him (which he has never come home for), and my daughter (10) is still 50/50...

She owes $7000 on in child support but has recently changed to a part-time job, so I am now meant to be paying her, however she has told child support that we have a private arrangement, which we do not, but child support will not use the amount she presses against what I am meant to be paying, or chase her for it, due to what she told them, and not believing me...

She also does things like keeping my daughter's school uniforms (due to, for some reason, free dress days always occurring when she comes back from there, and her mother telling me she had no extra uniforms there, so I have to buy new ones - not cheap)...

3. She has recently started demanding items from my home (we rented and I still rent), which I have been holding onto for when settlement occurs... My lawyer told me to tell her we need to go to mediation to settle everything, which she has ignored, and had has ignored the past two times I have told her this... She also refuses a divorce until a property settlement is finalised... She wants to go to court for all of it but neither of us can afford that at present (my lawyer has told me to expect to pay at least $20k to $50k each to fight it out if that's her plan)...

There are numerous other problems, including her, although not probable, as the police were called and stated that there was not enough evidence, but they suspected her off having done it and recommending a DVO (which I did not go through with in order to keep the changeover of the children eat), when she filed my car (the children's seats specifically) with rotting fish guts, fish heads, and bait (this occurred just after she was shut down by my lawyer the time she tried to take the children (and myself and the police believe she was attempting to scare the children into not coming back to my place)...

There is also the problem of my son possibly being sexually assaulted a while back, due to some signs of it has happened, which she refused to allow me to take him to a forensic psychologist for, in order to try to find out what happened, and she insisted on taking him to a counsellor who, as they explained to me, was not allowed to ask quotations, Jay play games with him to see if he opened up about anything (12 sessions of if nothing)...

And her family has a history of child sexual assault (including herself), which her family has always covered up themselves (for example when her uncle repeatedly sexually assaulted her, her family decided that the best thing to do was to not to talk to him for a few years)... However, my lawyer also told me that, without proof, I can't take them away from her family...

On top of all that, she racked up $30k of credit card debt while we were together (which I didn't even have an inkling of until I moved and found cards hidden in the bookshelves), which she spent in clothes and shoes for herself, which she claims I owe her half of... She changed the family car back (she had bought one for herself, when she left), which I agreed to, and she sold the day I gave it to her (I didn't see any money from that), and she claims was all hers, even though I paid the deposit on it, and the payments were made from our joint bank account)...

Anyway, I seem to have unleashed a lot of information on you, and there is plenty more besides, however, my main question is, how long can she keep ignoring requests for mediation, and can I go to court to have a divorce put through without her agreement?

 

[David Weekes]

Additional information:

1. If you want additional information on why I believe my son was assaulted, please message, as I do not want to share that much detail about it in public.

2. The newest demand from her is for a laptop that I bought for 'the family' last year so my son could play high end video games. He was told that it was not his, but the family's, and she is demanding it, saying it is his (and she had been told this, as well).

She is also demanding everything of my son's that is at my place - including everything that was bought for his use since she left, and anything still here from before she left.

3. She is constantly badmouthing me to my daughter and telling her that she should go live with her full time instead of coming to my place.

4. She continually organises family events and holidays during my time with my daughter (and previously during my time with both of them), saying she will let me recoup the time at a later date, but she has never agreed to me having them for extra time, even though she is now up to about an extra week and a half (and has just told me she has had booked a holiday for them in January that is on my time with my daughter)...

Any further clarification, please ask...

There is still a lot more, but I think this gives a general picture...

I record all of our phone calls, which I have told her I do, and I have all of the text messages from her since she left, saved... It is only the things she has said face to face that I do not have a record of...

 

[sammy01]

Do a sole application for divorce - it will cost you more ($800) from memory. But then there is a 12-month timeline to settle assets through the court. (General rule - nothing is hard and fast in family law).

Don't bother with mediation or settlement. Waste of money unless you guys are rich and if you were you'd get advice from a really good expensive solicitor, not a legal studies teacher on the net. True?

I don't really understand what you're saying about child support. Can you clarify? are you paying her? Do you know they have an online estimator you can use?

Do up a calendar for the year. Give it to her and tell her that if either party wants to do swaps then they can ask, but at the time of asking to make up time needs to be agreed. Mate, ask for the make up time to happen prior to her requested change so she can't screw you over.

Daughter misses family trip 'because of dad' isn't a good look for you. Sure this isn't fair, none of it is, so you have to play smart.

And learn to ignore the rest. Not legal advice now, just experience... The opposite of love is not hate. It is ambivalence... I'm still struggling with this one, but I strive to not give a fc8k anymore about all the crazy annoying stuff my ex does and when I succeed I'm a happier person. You only live once...