QLD Narcissistic Filipino Ex-Partner - Domestic Violence, Visa and Passport

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Colambo

Active Member
1 May 2017
8
0
31
Cairns, Qld
Hi everyone,
Firstly I wish to thank you in advance for taking the time to read my question. I have been through hell and back twice only to find myself without any contact with my nearly 2-year-old son who she has sent overseas to the Philippines.

I will not go into detail as the events of what had occurred has caused me way to much Emotional and Psychological damage.. pushed to the point of suicidal.

Everything was so fast. We met early 2014. The most beautiful perfect human being you will ever come across. Everything that I was looking for was there. Gorgeous, funny, talented, smart ...and she wanted to be with me, I actually thought that I was dreaming. It was love at first sight or so I thought.

Having lived in Melbourne and her in Queensland, we would travel back and forth to see each other. I made all the necessary arrangements at the time regarding flights, accommodation and what not. As you do, feeling the way I did.

She gave me everything. and I was over the moon, I had the sense of I found the one.

A few months later she went overseas to the Philippines. I received a phone call. She said she was pregnant. I was of course over the moon. Happy because everything I had ever wanted is coming true.

Prior to her leaving though I can recall occurrences in her behaviour that were very erratic, to the point where she would vanish for a couple of days and on and off. I shrugged it off but even at that point in time I had a small inkling that something was not right.

She returned in October and I decided to move back to the QLD. For some reason, she did not want me to be there with them and on many occasions asked me to stay. I found very strange.

After moving back, she later confessed to me that, in the period that she was away on and off, she admitted to sleeping with a few different guys. It proved a huge blow to me. And I was not sure if I could recover. To be honest, I don't think I really did. When we met, it was perfect, but they were all lies which I soon started to realise but was unable to exit.

Since after her telling me about her indiscretions As any father would, I started to question the paternity of the baby she was carrying and If I was the real father. As the time she was seeing those men, was the time she was seeing me and the time our son was conceived.

From that day on things took a turn for the worst and more and more her real self was staring to show. I found it hard to get back on my feet as there were not many jobs around at that time. She would constantly instigate an argument, for start belittling my, making me question my self-worth and even to go as far as telling me I should just DIE.

I had many witnesses as we were all under the one roof with my parents. I sank into a deep depression and anxiety, this was a constant daily struggle for me, but no one saw or spoke about it. I was isolated and unable to speak to anyone.

I then met a few people which was I admit the worst mistake at that time. Through the torment and daily emotional abuse, I resulted into substance.
Suddenly she would change, and be that person I met in at the start. She wooed me with amazing sex.

This occurred on off.. give or take.

But she would always go back to mental attacks about my worthiness to be the child's father. When I accepted him and forgot about what she did, I never brought it up. But more and more she brought up how I questioned hi paternity and that I was worthless and non-deserving. The patterns were starting to become apparent. I did not know what to do so I was asking everyone for help. I went to them told them what I thought was going on, but she had already infiltrated my family and those around me.

Again I was left isolated, no one believed me because smoked pot. She was still working as it was still early in her pregnancy, but to me, something just was not adding up. Never at the place she would say she is, when I picked her up, late. but when she is normally working always nearly on the dot. So I started looking at her behaviour and it was apparent she was doing something behind my back, I did not have any evidence at that time what so ever.. but I just knew. They said I was going crazy, even my own parents and brothers said I was crazy and I should get medical help.

I started to believe them and so I did. I was pushed by them to go to weekly therapy, one that was documented by the Government. I'll get back to that later.

So was taking medications I was not comfortable taking, made me really unstable in the head, and going to sessions in some way good as I finally had an outlet. Amidst all that I did well and then, she used the treatment as an attack taunting me daily.

I would start to find I was losing myself that I was nothing without her and I could not get out. I still believed that our boy deserved to have a full family.
Later, I would finally get back up on my feet, get a good job, only to be harassed and taunted that I was not making enough money. Trying to prove my worth again I would look for different ways. This time though now she was using our son as a means to HIT me where it really hurt. She would make me feel on top of the world 1 second then bank, hell the next.

She slowly started to bring out the issue of her visa status, as it was getting close to as it was the final year she was able to stay in Australia. Then I clicked. She was after status.

I then realised what she had been doing but still powerless to do anything as I had my own family pushing me towards her.

Time went on and the baby is born, I was happy as anyone who just gave birth, so was she. for a week.. on and off she again started with taunts and I would often walk away... it was not about me or her anymore it was about our boy.

Her mother came to stay with us as we sponsored her to come and be with her daughter and grandchild. Little did I know she was exactly the same.
Now I had the both of them, And this all the while under my house would manipulate stories, false accusations and so on. They would often do this while there was no one around so they were not exposed of their actions.

There was a good couple months when everything seemed back to normal and I was on my feet working good long hours.

Then VISA... I had told my parents and other people around me that I was not comfortable sponsoring her anymore as I was so sure that was all that she wanted from me. They egged me on, I kept refusing until one day I came home from work, I find her sitting on dining tale, her mother carrying my child.

She approached me with love and tenderness then opened up about the visa. When I told her of my decisions and my plans for them, which would work out still. she got physical. Yelling, tormenting, and punching me in the face. She wanted me to react to which I never did. All the while her mother was standing and following us letting our son bare witness. I asked her to please not be here but she kept following. I tried to escape through the door. She blocked, so I went through the back.

After some time a came back, parents again kept egging me to just sponsor her.. but I said no because that's all she wanted. But in the end, because they used my son to soften me I gave in and agreed.

But before we went to the immigration to lodge the application I had told them to see what they will do. And they will go soon after. She borrowed money from my parents to pay for the visa, which till this day she has not returned. Anyway, after lodging the visa.. 2 days later, they split.

HOW... She reported me for DV. This again took a massive blow in my life, I was in shock, shame, depressed, vulnerable, I was underground. my parents however finally understood what I meant.

We went through the legal proceedings and she took away all that I was entitled to. Because she would use my son as to a means to get what she wanted, I jumped through anything that she demanded.

1st Bday no contact. I saw him when he was already walking. Contact centre was not so hood as I felt like we had no freedom.

Everything was going well for all of us and I slowly noticed her letting me in more. She lured me in This time with OUR SON as bait.
We started to spend more time together and later she offered for me to live with them.
little did I know she again needed something. SHE wanted his passport, needing my signature and consent and a consent stating I am allowing my son to travel.. This time around though I knew how to act accordingly and that keeping track of her behaviour all the while just having a
 
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Colambo

Active Member
1 May 2017
8
0
31
Cairns, Qld
All the while I was going about my day., this time around I did not give in to her demands, as I had a feeling that she might keep him there. But slowly again to get what she wanted, she would instigate fights and this all in front of our son. I tried to avoid any altercations but again it was the on and off situation that left me wondering. Because now my son is right there, I am able to be with him if only I bite my tongue. I never replied to her in a manner which was provoking, as she would do it right front of my son. I gave in again to her wishes and did the documents,.
February 2017 they went over seas. She left him there which we both agreed upon as she wanted to go to school etc.. But when she came back, there was a different kind of evil in her.. Though I was much more aware, and more within myself, she still managed to isolate me, having no one around.. She did what she was good at, only now I did not react, I reacted accordingly but taking mental notes down. This was becoming more and more often, I was working 2 jobs and managed to lose both because of her manipulating ways.. I could not get out even though I wanted to so much, She would kick me out, take me in, kick me out take me in, I followed her wishes because I was on an undertaking. There are other things that I believe she behaves the way she does, trying to justify her actions by deflecting on me. I was left with nothing again, she had all the money I saved, as I was working cash on hand by night and cleaning by morning. Giving her all the money..
her actions was very apparent as it was very similar to what she used to do..
I started to peace the puzzle together, and later came to find She was "Working".. never confronting her, I just took the abuse daily.
called my family, I would go home.. then she would ask me to come back and speak to my boy on skype,. which I did..
I spoke to my son while he was overseas 2 times since he left. we had a written agreement that I would be in contact with him daily and upated on how he is doing. But what she did was she started the abuse agin, and this time she told her mum.. I know I have all rights to my son, the way they maid me feel was justnot good. again I started to sink into a hole and deep depression, but I was hanging on to my Son.. She managed to get me to agree to send my sone 1000 a month for living expenses.. I thought it was steep, but but she would go on to say that what kind of a father am I not wanting to give him that much.. Then her mother comments saying if you want to see you son, just pay the money.
I agreed but did not want to. because she left me with a sense of false security. regarding my son. I kept payments and later was ignored by her mother.. Not being to speak to my son, I went about my day and just strived for my sons future,..
she told her mother we were not together, but all the while I was there stuck in her house. They would talk daily on video chat with me a shadow lookin on. Then my own son started to call her brother DADDY.. she knowingly knew this was hurting as I told her that I was not comfortable with that. but never she said anything. she could easily tell them to call him uncle but no. I was left to bear witness to my own torture.
So having her normal job and the one she hides, she knew I was already aware,.. as she would only instigate a fight and abuse when she was out. time and time she made excuse to engage, just to walk out.. but I knew, by this time I had already made the conscious decision to leave her.. and do what I can for my son on my terms. she had already taken every thing, apart from my soul... So the day I left, I spoke to her in a good manner and just said what I needed..
But she wasn't having any part of the one being dumped, so she got up, created an uproar.. threw my belongings and my dog out and threatened to DV me again..

These are here accusation's thus far. and if some things were left out, I will be able to explain..
- She saying I abused her
-I left her with no money
- created an idea that I had taking a loan out for 20000 one that she insists on binding me to
- emotional abuse
-sexual abuse
-using my son to get what I want
-no support etc and the list goes on

so basically she is really trying to bury me. But this time around I took the necessary notes leading up to me leaving..
I have had the feeling that she only sent Our son over seas to do what she does. Since I decided to leave, she admitted that she was already with another man.. But she is trying to change my sons name now.. she asked me to do an affidavit stating that I am the paternal father and I should send it to her. I so no, as I was not comfortable giving anything with my signature on it nor did I trust her.
she kept in contact but only to try and abuse me through text, including my parents.. I have been trying to build a case just so I can expose the truth behind her manipulation, not just me but our Government bodies.. I am in need of help as I am just recovering.. Oh, and as of recent I found out that the place we were renting was a Housing commission which she obtained through me, and I had no clue until a few weeks ago.. So being unaware of this, she kept me there. only herself and my son was eligible to live there, had I known that earlier I would have made a better choice. Prior to me moving in she had her friend stay there to..

hope you can help and that I'm too all over the place with my words..
thanks again,,

G
 

Rod

Lawyer
LawConnect (LawTap) Verified
27 May 2014
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www.hutchinsonlegal.com.au
I'm not sure what you are actually asking for help with.

Chances are she has tried the same tactics with other guys who have subsequently told her to go away and she is left with you to extort.

Recommend you go away for 2 weeks holiday if you can. Clear your head and resolve to come back and take a fresh look at your situation. BTW suicide is a selfish act, not fair on other people so don't take that path. You are not the first man to be in this situation, and you will not be the last. Get away, forget about everything, go fishing, bush walking, << insert hobby here>>, only think about the activity you are doing at the time, let your subconscious deal with the issues while you relax and concentrate on your hobby.

Then come back and think about what you want to do. Then plan how you can achieve what you want. Get help to achieve what you want if you can't do it yourself.
 

Colambo

Active Member
1 May 2017
8
0
31
Cairns, Qld
Thanks Rob,

Mate I appreciate your response, To be honest I wanted to take the thread down as I realized it was too messy. I got overwhelmed..
Honestly I actually do not have a clue where to go from here. All I know is that, my son is overseas for god knows how long. She has threatened court proceedings again, DV she stated and that she is trying to Extort money and bind me to some contract which i know nothing about. She was very persistent to get me to engage in an exchange regarding the money she is mentioning. But i did not take any part. She wanted me to provide her with an Affidavit claiming she was going to use it for registry purposes overseas. Again I was uncomfortable and no trust in her word. Declined the offer. To then she stated she will change my sons Name.. All the in betweens are messy up above so i apologies. So what i need now is possibly direction on which way to go. I am in the process in taking the necessary steps to ensure that the proper authorities know, of her other fraudulent activities. Now being the person that she is, i have every reason to believe that she wont stop. I want to put my best interest first, as i do not want to be blind sighted by her once again. It may not happen, I'm not sure but i do know that i am more prepared this time around. Our previous proceedings, I wanted my lawyer to actually investigate her further and have her cross examined.so if she does lean towards court First point of contact ie: type of lawyer and what category does her claims fall under.. I have sufficient evidence that will prove to be helpful and witnesses that are willing to testify against her allegations and shed light to actual events..

I hope that somehow explains where i am at. I appreciate your response mate.
By the way, i know suicide is wrong, and i have had a couple of friends who have taken their lives through depression and anxiety. The one thing i know in myself is that, i would never get to that point. especially over a person like that. She just pushed me to my limits.. and now i know i can get to that limit.. I know i can overcome this. So yeah..
And fishing, i could do with that.. ;)
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
5,152
720
2,894
Ok so lets assume the child is not yours...
Be done with her.
Lets assume the child is yours... Well that makes things really tough. You're gonna have to make some tough decisions. I hate to say this but I reckon you're better off having zero contact with her.
 

Colambo

Active Member
1 May 2017
8
0
31
Cairns, Qld
Ok so lets assume the child is not yours...
Be done with her.
Lets assume the child is yours... Well that makes things really tough. You're gonna have to make some tough decisions. I hate to say this but I reckon you're better off having zero contact with her.

Thanks For that Sammy1,

But believe you me, this woman is on another level.. And for me not to take any initiative to be prepared will be I believe the wrong move. As i explained i am not in anyway shape or form in contact with her, as i know she will use that against me.
and sorry to say.. When my son was born, wholeheartedly i believed he is mine.. AND under no circumstances will i ever let him go. Can U let your own child Go?? Also her threats to me is never taken lightly as i know what she is more than capable of. They will be investigated.. I do not have any anger towards her, i do however wish the Truth..

Being prepared I beleive may just be the thing that saves me. Shes blindsided me before..

So i hope you can understand my dilemma when you advice for me to just leave it alone..

Cheers
 

dl22

Member
11 January 2017
3
1
4
I really feel for you mate but first things first, you gotta man up. This women sounds like the "gone girl" nut bag type with zero ability to free any remorse. Id be requesting a DNA test for the baby and hopefully its not yours. Like the other poster stated, if its yours its gonna be a lot tougher. In terms of suicide you gotta realise that your self worth is in the dumps, thats all. All in your head. Join the gym and or get a hobbie. Try to strive to achieve something, you need to find purpose. If you keep feeling that way contact one of those MRA groups/forums, lots of burnt blokes who could take you under their wings and help you out a lot.

Keep your head and don't get sucked into the mind games. I agree with the zero contact, at least in the short terms.

Good luck.
 
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Colambo

Active Member
1 May 2017
8
0
31
Cairns, Qld
Thanks dl22.

Yeah gone gurl alright. Hahaha but hey man thanks for the advice,.. my head was in the dumps but since leaving her and choosing to walk man, never felt better. She may hide and be gone now, but I doubt it will be far. I have been taking the necessary steps to ensure she won't do it again. To me or to anyone for that matter. I love my son, i did since the time i layed eyes on him, i will never put him under any stress or make him feel otherwise..this is the drive that fuels me now. I don't have a vendetta on her. Heck she is still the mother of my child. I do however don't wish this on anyone else. Do you know how many fathers are extorted and alienated daily. Yet they are overshadowed by the likes of and getting away with it.. No contact has been made on my part towards her at all. No need to put myself in jeopardy..

Anyway when time permits and there is progress in the situation then DNA testing may be an option. One of which may come into play given the situation at that specific point in time..

But yeah i will focus on me, centre my life again for when God and time permits me reuniting with my boy. I wont be in the slums that she put me in.. I refuse to give up..

Thanks for the advise