That’s a great start, SophieW. Good work, keep up the good fight.
My partner is 50/50 for care of his kid, after a variety of proceedings in court, but they got there by settling on parenting orders by consent (as most do). I don’t know what would have happened if they’d gone to trial, but I think after many talking-downs by the judge and what was coming out of the evidence, she realised or was maybe told that going to trial was not the best option. We were self-repping throughout, as well.
Someone above said there’s not much difference between five nights and seven, but we’ve been in both situations and personally, I think 50/50 is far more effective as far as parenting goes. When it was five nights a fortnight, the pattern was broken up into three nights every second weekend and one night during the week, so establishing any consistent patterns in terms of household rules, and morning/evening routines was just an unattainable objective. It was seen more like a ‘visit’ or a ‘holiday’ with dad, rather than parenting time. The time was also filled with activities because the time to do those activities was so little and so precious, it left little time for the boring parts of being a family, like watching television or leaving the kids to use their imaginations and entertain themselves. If we did those things, it just felt like wasted time (according to my partner).
At 50/50, though, we are way more involved in schooling and extra-curriculars, we have had far more success in establishing household routines and administering discipline, plus we don’t plan our lives - and the lives of our other kids - around the care schedule anymore. Kiddo coming and going is just part of the pattern, now, instead of a special event. We’ve also enjoyed other little flow-on benefits, too, like mum wanting to just share costs equally instead of paying child support, and even getting along well enough that we can all attend the same events, even have conversations, with low-key confidence that there’s not going to be a blow-up.
It’s a shame that equal care isn’t the presumption, really, in the same context that equal shared parental responsibility is - where it’s assumed, unless someone can persuade the court that it’s not in the best interests of the child. 50/50 isn’t for everyone or every situation, of course (like obviously the court isn’t going to let such a presumption prevail if the parents are living 2000kms apart), but I think a lot more parents would be more willing to compromise and negotiate an outcome outside of court if they knew 50/50 was assumed.
Anyway, ask for 50/50 if you can do 50/50 and there’s no reasons, in your view, why 50/50 shouldn’t be granted. At the time, I thought 50/50 was a pipe dream, that mum would fight tooth and nail against any more than the three nights a fortnight she was seeking, but it was like the impending cost and risk of trial motivated her to really have some perspective, and it’s truly been better for all of us.