ACT Family Law - Sharing Our Good News Story

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SophieW

Well-Known Member
30 November 2019
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149
I just want to first thank all the members of this community, which is such a godsend in such an awful process.

I wanted to share our story and maybe give someone out there some hope that things can work out. I'll keep it brief, and vague for privacy.

In a nutshell, my partner's ex denied access post separation due to vague concerns about my partner's alcohol use. He did a CDT test and was then granted about 4 hours/week access. He tried to negotiate a parenting plan with a gradual step-up towards more time per week, but the ex denied this for essentially no reason and said "at some point" he would get more time. This is the point we knew we had two options: assume that "some day" the ex would grant more time to him, or start court proceedings.

My partner proposed an FDR; nothing was achieved. With the FDR certificate, he then submitted an initiating application and we got a court date. An independent children's lawyer (ICL) was appointed.

Very long story short, after considering my partner's affidavit and associated evidence, and his ex's affidavit and associated evidence, the ICL essentially gave my partner everything he wanted in his proposed orders (a modest amount of time, respectful of the fact the child is a toddler - we're talking weekday afternoons and one day on the weekend). I note that this is despite the ex alleging horrible things and risk of child abuse in the affidavit - but she had no evidence apart from assertions, and for a lot of it, we had counter-evidence to prove she was lying. From first court date to the ICL's decision was about three months.

The process isn't over as we still need to negotiate how time gets stepped up, various things like holidays BUT in the end we are both so relieved we initiated the court case. Things have really happened pretty quick since then. And we did it all as self-reps (the ex has lawyers).

A quote that I like is "no lawyer is more eloquent than the heart". As a self-rep, you are speaking for yourself, not "my client" as they always say.

Good luck to everyone on here fighting the good fight in Family Law. Our story isn't over yet, but the future is SO much brighter. I hope this has given someone out there some hope to keep going!
 
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sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Well done and good to hear.
So you have interim orders?
What is your plan moving forward?
 

SophieW

Well-Known Member
30 November 2019
26
10
149
Hi sammy01, thank you! Yes, we have interim orders. At the first court date, the ex didn't submit her affidavit, so the judge could only give us the most conservative offer (supervised time). I understood the judge's reasons for doing so - what if the ex's affidavit included damning evidence? Interim orders were made for supervised time. We put up with the supervised time till the next court date.

At the second court date, ex had finally submitted an affidavit. As outlined above, once all the facts were on the table, there was no evidence that supervised time was required. Interim orders were made (including regular unsupervised time) and now stand until the next court date.

Now there's going to be a child dispute conference and family dispute conference (all scheduled within the next two months), and then either we either agree to consent orders or if no agreement is reached - back to court for the judge to decide.

Our plan for the next round is to agree on a plan to move towards overnight visits, with a long-term goal of eventually moving to something like 50/50. Child is still very young so 50/50 isn't in the child's best interests yet.
 

Jake Matherson

Well-Known Member
15 June 2018
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At least it sounds like you are being reasonable with your expectations.

This would make it easier should the need to decide what happens be left up to a Judge.

Hopefully the ex decides it's not worth the long battle and you guys can get long term consent orders drawn up.

Good luck.
 
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SophieW

Well-Known Member
30 November 2019
26
10
149
Hi Jake, thanks so much. Yes, I agree, I hope that we get long-term orders drawn up rather than having to go back every six months.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Young kid...

Ok, so when I went through this I got my head around the fact that I wasn't gonna get 50/50 by agreement and once final orders are made they're almost impossible to change unless you meet the threshold of 'signifanct change in circumstances'. This is to stop parents from constantly litigating out of spite. The significant change in circumstance was established in the case of Rice and Asplund.

Magistrates are reluctant to make orders that increase time years into the future. Fair enough - maybe it isn't in the best interest of the kid and magistrates don't have a magic ball to read the future.

Anyways, we got a little clause in our consent orders that said something like 'neither party will rely upon Rice and Asplund due to the young age of the kiddies'.

Short version - I got a good bit of time with the kids, while knowing once they were older I could re-apply to court without having to establish a significant change in circumstance....
Something for you to think about...

Hopefully, you get what you want and in 3 or 4 years you can hit the ex up for more time and she will relent because she has had her arse kicked in court this time and wont wanna go through this crap again
 
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SophieW

Well-Known Member
30 November 2019
26
10
149
Hi sammy - that is really good info! Thank you! That does make sense re judges being reluctant to set down final orders that have start dates of 2, 3, 4 etc years in the future. I will look into Rice and Asplund.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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I have read cases where there are incremental increases over about 2 yrs... But you guys are starting from nothing... Different if it was 2 nights a week leading to 5 in 2 yrs.
 

SophieW

Well-Known Member
30 November 2019
26
10
149
Yes, that's true. We got some advice to ask for one night soon and then one additional night every six months. But I can see how that ends up being a really long time to get to 50/50...
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Ok - sorry to be blunt. Forget 50/50. Only happens if she agrees. Not likely in court.

50/50 really only works when the parents are on the same page... Doesn't seem to be the case here? sure might change? I can hear you saying 'yeah right, not with this ex'

But - 4,5 a fortnight is pretty good.... Go with me for a bit... See I wanted to fight 50/50. Would have cost a small fortune to fight that one through court with no certianty I'd succeed... so I accepted 5... Guess what? 5 is cool. The kids saw my house as a break from the 'main' house... I working full time, she didn't.

To be honest 50/50 would have been a tough slog while keeping my job. But with 5 a fortnight, I had time to sort the house after the kids left, sort it before they came back, sort out dinners and plan fun stuff on my weekend. I wasn't as stressed so time with the kids was fun (mostly)... I reckon 50/50 would have come with more tears, mine and the kids.