NSW Breaching Court Orders for Daughter's Mental Health

[Mushiro]

We have parenting court orders for our 13.5 year old daughter. We have followed these orders for over ten years. My daughter arrived unexpectedly at my home, by bus recently and is refusing to return to her father's.

Further questioning revealed she had been in school counselling. It seems the father's behaviours have resulted in feelings of worthlessness and anxiety. She wrote an email to her father explaining she couldn't take it anymore and wanted no further contact. In this email, she was quite explicit about the behaviours and the effect of them on her. She is very articulate and ended by saying she did not want to be contacted, would like to see him in the future, but needed some time out.

She cut off all social media contact with him and blocked her phone. I took her to a psychologist - it was revealed that this relationship with her father was detrimental to her mental health and she had been having suicidal thoughts. The Doctor report stated she had anxiety and depression. To contextualise this, my daughter is usually upbeat, social, highly intelligent and won an academic scholarship.

Since being here full time, for a couple weeks, she has changed dramatically. She is visibly much happier.

The father is litigious and already seeking advice re my breaking of the orders.

I should add that it took me five years to recover from being at the receiving end of similar behaviours.

My daughter does not know about this.

I am supposed to support my child having a relationship with her father but I'm actually quite concerned about her spending 50% of the time with him and the effect on her mental wellbeing. Please note there is no violence or swearing or anything easily definable. Each story unto itself could not be defined as abuse, it's the constancy of the criticism, anger and controlling behaviours. The father is a teenage youth councillor.

I am torn between supporting my daughter, who has obviously been quite traumatised by her father's behaviours and the fact that I am breaking the orders by not driving her back there. I don't want to be found in contempt of court. Do you recommend any course of action from my end?

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

[Lance]

Hi Mushiro,

Because of the risk to your daughter and the equally significant risk that you could be in breach of a court issued order, I think you need to speak with a lawyer. They may be able to organise an ex parte application.

This would mean the court would deal with the matter immediately and without your daughters father present. This is usually used when a child is in danger. The court may take your daughters decision into consideration. I hope you get the help you need and I hope your daughter stays in her happier frame of mind.

 

[Hayder Shkara]

Hi mushiro

This is a difficult situation. You have accurately described your responsibilities and the consequences of not following them, so it seems you understand your situation perfectly. You should be supporting a relationship with her father, sometimes kids (especially int hat age) may not get along with one particular parent.

My opinion is coming from the perspective of a lawyer who likes clients staying out of court. Your daughter is now at an age where she can make certain decisions for herself. I think her father needs to realise that and accept that she needs a bit of space.

You just need to show her father that you are not the cause of her wanting to stay away from him and that you are encouraging her to have a supportive relationship with her. If you show him that, it would be silly for him to start court proceedings against you. Have an open discussion with her father OR alternatively seek some family mediation where all 3 of you can attend.

It sounds like you are all good people and just want what's best for one another, however just have different interpretations of what that is. This happens even in families that are together so stay positive, I'm sure this can be resolved amicably.