NSW Will Family Court Give Unsupervised Visitation to Alcoholic Father?

[SamanthaJay]

I don't want to have a gender debate. My father was a victim of dv as well with his 2nd wife. Luckily for her he'd given up drinking by the time they met. She would slap him, throw his stuff out of the house, drive over it, had him living in the shed of his own house before my sister and I stepped in. When he was with my mother, he'd binge drink every now and then and my mother and us kids copped it from him. Emotionally. He'd rant and rave, throw the Christmas tree down the back yard, threaten to kill himself among other things. He was a lamb when he didn't drink.

You know what Sammy, I worked for a Maccas owner (8 stores) for 4 years doing the books and payearoll. I spent many hours in Maccas. I also saw mothers dropping off kids early, too scared to stick around, kids sitting there by themselves for at least half an hour before dad picked them up. 10-year-olds looking after their toddler sibling/s waiting for dad to arrive. Sometimes he didn't arrive and I noticed (cameras in the office) that the kids were still sitting there a couple of hours later. Manager would bring them into the office to call their mother to pick them up.

One of the stores even had a mum with 2 kids sleeping in the car when the store closed. That went on for a few weeks. She said it was the only place she felt safe to park. She set her alarm to leave before 4:45am when morning staff would arrive.

I know there are vindictive ex's, of both sexes. Please don't take it personally when one of us go off about an abusive ex husband. There are plenty on here asking for help on how to deal with vindictive and abusive ex-wives as well.

 

[JCa]

I'm sorry but if you want to see your children, you will not let ANYTHING stop you. And Sammy you seem to pride yourself on doing exactly the thing to the mother of your children that you are accusing others of doing: you have successfully restricted/blocked access to the mother of your children except for 70 nights in the year. Well done. Divorce is a messy business and it brings out the absolute worst in people. Children are often so far from a priority in the process, they are dragged through the muck of costly revenge. My H is an alcoholic and if he chooses to demand overnights with the kids, I pray I can speak the truth in love, but keep safety of children the highest priority.

 

[thatbloke]

I had a mediator tell me at the beginning of a session that I "needed to understand that I was there to come to a favourable agreement regarding visitation with the father". I interrupted her and said "actually no, preventing further abuse of my son is of paramount importance and the benefit of my son maintaining a relationship with his father becomes secondary to that".

My opinion for what it's worth is don't be bullied into agreeing to or doing something you're not comfortable with. You're all your child has so fight the good fight... I have to have faith that someone, somewhere, will listen

Sorry lady, you have a real attitude problem

 

[sammy01]

JCA - You wrote "well done" . I have no doubt it was sarcastic... But I'm going to take it as a complement. THANK YOU... See my ex accused me of everything. For nearly a year I had zero access to my kids... zero nights VS the 70 she now has.. All based on lies... Can you tell me what is fair about that?

I spent 10s of thousands of dollars on solicitors. My ex had legal aid so she had no need to resolve things amicably, the longer it dragged out the more it cost me both financially and emotionally. Can you tell me what is fair about that?

The children were kept away from me and their dotting grandparents. WHY? not because of DV. But because the ex knew that I would suffer AND even better she knew the asset division would go more in her favour because she was the primary carer of the kids AND she knew I would have to pay the maximum amount of child support if I had zero access to the kids. She knew I would hand over $$$ just to see my kids. So I had to pay to see my kids... What part of that do you think is fair?

So having sorted consent orders that gave her a huge chunk of my assets we had orders that also meant my time with the kids was sorted. That is what consent orders mean. You do understand that right? But she didn't follow them. Well kinda? She followed them when it suited her. If she didn't want me to have the kids one weekend then I would not have them.. Tell me what is fair about that?

So eventually, I made a court application - because that is what you're meant to do when someone isn't complying with court orders. So I was following the rules. FAIR ENOUGH? I think so... But again, more expense at my end, just because I wanted to see my kids... Now it didn't go to court. Wanna know why? The ex decided to drop the kids at my house and leave... See she had finally worked out that you cant keep making up lies to prevent one parent from seeing their kids. Tell me what is fair about making up lies to stop a parent seeing their kids?

So you wrote "you have successfully restricted/blocked access to the mother of your children except for 70 nights in the year." No I have not. My ex chose to move 500km away. She understood that she could apply to court to take the kids. That after all is the system, but she also understood that she was very unlikely be successful given her antics up to that point. So she decided to move 500km away. HER CHOICE. She chose to leave the kids, so nope I have not successfully restricted her access. Not even close. She sat down with me and I wrote up consent orders that provide her with 70 nights a year. My kids miss nearly 3 weeks of school a year and they spend the majority of all school holidays with mum. This was all done by agreement. BTW - This year she is likely to have less. WHY? Well she is going to Mexico and will be away for the week leading up to Mother's day.. So the same woman who accused me of DV, made claims that I'm an alcoholic and incapable of having overnight care of the kids has turned around and said, here you can have them. So what of all those claims that I can't look after the kids?Can you see the obvious contradiction?

Now, just for fun... The ex, the one who left the kids with me, just 18 months after the original consent orders were sorted, the ones that gave her a huge chunk of my assets - stuff I had prior to meeting her. None of that is getting returned now I'm the primary carer. Oh and child support - So did I mention Mexico? right, her taxable income last year $6000. She just bought a new mobile home... No tent for this happy camper... Not bad for someone who claims to have earned a measly $6000 last year. So how much child support do you think she pays to help raise the kids?

This thread was started by a well intentioned mother who has concerns for the safety of her child. Dad might well be an alcoholic... But in the whole post the original poster said NOTHING Zitch NOTHING about the dad harming the child. In my experience and in my reading of cases. NOw, I don't make the rules... But I provide advice based on my understanding of them... So, if one parent refuses access to the other parent they need to have a rock solid reason that is supported by professionals and if they don't then they risk the court imposing orders that provide for the other parent to be the primary carer.Fair enough?


Now JCa - understand this - sure hubby is an alcoholic. It is a disease. IF he had cancer or depression or diabetes, would that be reason to keep the kids away. Sure I understand your concern, but you need to understand the legal system... So when you write that "if he chooses to demand overnights with the kids" you are misguided. He should not have to 'demand' to spend time with his own kids and you are wrong to think you're entitled to stop him. If he is a risk to the kids, make that case. Do you have an established history? Have Doc's been notified and interviewed the kids? Has he been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct while in the presence of the kids? Has he been convicted of drink driving while the kids were in the car? Have there been instances where a child has been hospitalised because of dad's drunken behaviour? If the answer to 2 or more of these questions is YES... Then you have a case... IF the answer is no. You don't and you really do risk having the caring arrangements changed so dad becomes primary carer. Please don't thank me for the information... But don't criticise me for giving it. Fair enough?

Now I've ended each paragraph with a question. Go on try and answer the questions