hi , i received a letter from legal aid saying my application for aid was rejected and now i am very concerned about what to do next, my ex is now filing for 50/50 of the 20 month old who for one is still nursing and 2 doesn't know her dad that well, what are courts likely to do in regards to her and before i get my backside chewed, yes i have supported her to have relationship with her dad and worked around her nursing so he can have that time with her, we currently have a verbal agreement about the 3 other children who are 13 and 15 50/50 and that seems to have issues in its self. please advise me as how long does family court go for and if i cant get legal aid where to next.
QLD please advise me on what to do
- Thread starter nat 2015
- Start date
Your best bet here is to negotiate consent orders with dad because if you go to Court, you're looking at $20k+ in legal fees and absolutely no control over the outcome. Given there are two kids already in 50/50, I would say dad's in a pretty good position to win this one.
So, let's talk about the 20-month-old.
She's nursing and that's fine, but breastmilk isn't (or medically shouldn't be) her primary source of nutrition and there's really no reason she can't have an alternative, like cow's milk or toddler milk drink, so nursing alone isn't good enough reason for the child not to spend overnights with dad.
Whatever you may believe, she will have an attachment to her dad, and if it isn't at the standard it would be for any other toddler, that's because she's not getting enough time with him. If dad can look after her brothers, he can look after her.
So, solutions.
She's still very little and in the 'primary attachment' phase of development, so most child specialists will tell you that shorter periods more frequently will be better for her than longer periods less frequently because it will mean she's not going too long between seeing each parent. Kids have very short memories at that age, so any longer than one or two consecutive nights away from either parent can cause anxiety (particularly if one of the parents is anxious about it).
Lucky for you, she will have the support of her older brothers' presence to make the time at dad's more 'normal'.
So, why not make an offer to settle with dad in which he has the toddler for alternate weekends and every Wednesday night plus half school holidays and special occasions until she turns three, then increase by one night each fortnight until she is on the same schedule as her brothers when she starts school?
So, let's talk about the 20-month-old.
She's nursing and that's fine, but breastmilk isn't (or medically shouldn't be) her primary source of nutrition and there's really no reason she can't have an alternative, like cow's milk or toddler milk drink, so nursing alone isn't good enough reason for the child not to spend overnights with dad.
Whatever you may believe, she will have an attachment to her dad, and if it isn't at the standard it would be for any other toddler, that's because she's not getting enough time with him. If dad can look after her brothers, he can look after her.
So, solutions.
She's still very little and in the 'primary attachment' phase of development, so most child specialists will tell you that shorter periods more frequently will be better for her than longer periods less frequently because it will mean she's not going too long between seeing each parent. Kids have very short memories at that age, so any longer than one or two consecutive nights away from either parent can cause anxiety (particularly if one of the parents is anxious about it).
Lucky for you, she will have the support of her older brothers' presence to make the time at dad's more 'normal'.
So, why not make an offer to settle with dad in which he has the toddler for alternate weekends and every Wednesday night plus half school holidays and special occasions until she turns three, then increase by one night each fortnight until she is on the same schedule as her brothers when she starts school?
ok i respect your answer but have you ever breastfed a child and layed there with full breasts and before you answer that pumping is not as simple as it is, yes she does drink from a cup and i have certainly not made that her primary nutrition, he has plenty of opportunities and we have been left waiting for him on many occasions with him not turning up either, as for the 3 boys they have informed councillors that they don't like the arrangement now this is counsellors he has them going to not me, and the boys have said to the counsellor that there father is forcing them to go to counselling, also he is not caring for them there 20 yr old sister is, they wake up in the morning and his not home and how do i know this because they text me asking me if i heard from there father, you may think that the boys are old enough to care for themselves they are not my son is epileptic and the doctor has informed my ex his not to be left unsupervised, my ex has a history of drug taking and refuses to take a drug test.
i don't have the money i don't work as i am currently on unpaid maternity leave, there is also no property settlement as he has offered me $1 and i have declined, look i don't doubt he loves his kids, this is a man who wants to hurt me and the only way he can is thru the kids and thats his words.
i don't have the money i don't work as i am currently on unpaid maternity leave, there is also no property settlement as he has offered me $1 and i have declined, look i don't doubt he loves his kids, this is a man who wants to hurt me and the only way he can is thru the kids and thats his words.
Alright, let's be 100% honest.
Legal Aid obviously didn't reject your case because you earn too much money, so reason would suggest Legal Aid rejected your case because your case simply doesn't have any merit.
You then came here asking what to do next, and I told you exactly what to do next - either get a lawyer, represent yourself, or negotiate.
Your response, then, was basically just a campaigning speech, as though trying to get me on board with your cause.
Please understand that this forum is not a support network. Nobody here is going to nod along while you bemoan your ex, bleating about how hard done by you and your kids are. If all you want is someone to make you feel good and tell you what you want to hear, then head over to Facebook.
Here, you're going to be told the reality of how the facts that you provide would be considered against the provisions of the Family Law Act, and let me tell you, reality hardly ever aligns with expectations when it comes to this field of law.
I've read the facts about your matter a dozen times, and still, after many, many posts and threads, nothing new or compelling has been brought to the table that would drive me to say anything different to what I have said before. In fact, all it's ever really done is cause me concern that you lack insight about the reality and effect of your situation.
So, let's round up the reality of your situation here.
You've already agreed to 50/50 for two of the three kids, which, in the Court's view, is the same as saying you agree 50/50 is in the best interests of the children. In the absence of any significant change in circumstances since you made that agreement, you're going to find it very difficult to persuade the Court you made a mistake and 50/50 is, in fact, not in their best interests.
That, in turn, lays a pseudo precedent for future care arrangements for the two-year-old, as well, because the Court is going to be reluctant to put the kids on different care schedules. If you have agreed 50/50 is fine for two, then you've also agreed by proxy that it's fine for the third, as well.
On top of all of that, you have not given any persuasive reason for 50/50 not being appropriate for all three kids.
Your complaints about the psychologist are confusing, at best. Dad seems to be seeking out treatment for the challenges the kids are experiencing. You, on the other hand, seem to think they don't need a psychologist, even though they're apparently complaining to you about how they're fearful of their dad. Isn't a psychologist the first expert you should be enlisting to help validate or, better yet, resolve those complaints?
The breastfeeding thing is still not the persuasive evidence you obviously want it to be, either. If you were exclusively breastfeeding an eight-week-old infant, you'd have a valid case, but your child is two years old, not two months old. His or Her Honour isn't going to care about your full breasts or your emotional breastfeeding journey, because your child. Is. Two. Years. Old. Like it or not, agree or not, the harsh reality is that she doesn't need to be breastfed anymore. If you want to keep breastfeeding, that's fantastic, but the Court is not going to accept that as a good enough reason to hinder a two-year-old's time with her dad.
Now, Legal Aid doesn't think your case has merit. I don't think your case has merit. If you want to carry on with proceedings as a self-represented litigant or by hiring a lawyer to the tune of $20,000, to try and end the 50/50 care arrangement that you agreed to, that's your prerogative, but any sensible person would see the best outcome is at least trying to negotiate consent orders.
Except for sheet stubbornness, you have absolutely no reason not to try and negotiate. Who knows? Maybe dad will even agree to less time with the youngest, because I can't imagine he's too thrilled about having to take you to Court, either.
By the way, yes, I have breastfed, and no, that has at no time made me any more of a parent to my daughter than her father is.
Legal Aid obviously didn't reject your case because you earn too much money, so reason would suggest Legal Aid rejected your case because your case simply doesn't have any merit.
You then came here asking what to do next, and I told you exactly what to do next - either get a lawyer, represent yourself, or negotiate.
Your response, then, was basically just a campaigning speech, as though trying to get me on board with your cause.
Please understand that this forum is not a support network. Nobody here is going to nod along while you bemoan your ex, bleating about how hard done by you and your kids are. If all you want is someone to make you feel good and tell you what you want to hear, then head over to Facebook.
Here, you're going to be told the reality of how the facts that you provide would be considered against the provisions of the Family Law Act, and let me tell you, reality hardly ever aligns with expectations when it comes to this field of law.
I've read the facts about your matter a dozen times, and still, after many, many posts and threads, nothing new or compelling has been brought to the table that would drive me to say anything different to what I have said before. In fact, all it's ever really done is cause me concern that you lack insight about the reality and effect of your situation.
So, let's round up the reality of your situation here.
You've already agreed to 50/50 for two of the three kids, which, in the Court's view, is the same as saying you agree 50/50 is in the best interests of the children. In the absence of any significant change in circumstances since you made that agreement, you're going to find it very difficult to persuade the Court you made a mistake and 50/50 is, in fact, not in their best interests.
That, in turn, lays a pseudo precedent for future care arrangements for the two-year-old, as well, because the Court is going to be reluctant to put the kids on different care schedules. If you have agreed 50/50 is fine for two, then you've also agreed by proxy that it's fine for the third, as well.
On top of all of that, you have not given any persuasive reason for 50/50 not being appropriate for all three kids.
Your complaints about the psychologist are confusing, at best. Dad seems to be seeking out treatment for the challenges the kids are experiencing. You, on the other hand, seem to think they don't need a psychologist, even though they're apparently complaining to you about how they're fearful of their dad. Isn't a psychologist the first expert you should be enlisting to help validate or, better yet, resolve those complaints?
The breastfeeding thing is still not the persuasive evidence you obviously want it to be, either. If you were exclusively breastfeeding an eight-week-old infant, you'd have a valid case, but your child is two years old, not two months old. His or Her Honour isn't going to care about your full breasts or your emotional breastfeeding journey, because your child. Is. Two. Years. Old. Like it or not, agree or not, the harsh reality is that she doesn't need to be breastfed anymore. If you want to keep breastfeeding, that's fantastic, but the Court is not going to accept that as a good enough reason to hinder a two-year-old's time with her dad.
Now, Legal Aid doesn't think your case has merit. I don't think your case has merit. If you want to carry on with proceedings as a self-represented litigant or by hiring a lawyer to the tune of $20,000, to try and end the 50/50 care arrangement that you agreed to, that's your prerogative, but any sensible person would see the best outcome is at least trying to negotiate consent orders.
Except for sheet stubbornness, you have absolutely no reason not to try and negotiate. Who knows? Maybe dad will even agree to less time with the youngest, because I can't imagine he's too thrilled about having to take you to Court, either.
By the way, yes, I have breastfed, and no, that has at no time made me any more of a parent to my daughter than her father is.
ok i wasn't looking for support just advice, i don't have social media and was told by my social worker to find out as much information as i can thru a site like this.
i don't expect nor am i looking for anyone to side with me, i have a lot of insight to my children and the situation i am doing what is in there best interests and always have.
i didn't agree to 50/50 at all original agreement was every 2nd weekend and half the holidays, when i refused to go back to him and refused his advances he became aggressive and taunted me over the phone.
i don't expect nor am i looking for anyone to side with me, i have a lot of insight to my children and the situation i am doing what is in there best interests and always have.
i didn't agree to 50/50 at all original agreement was every 2nd weekend and half the holidays, when i refused to go back to him and refused his advances he became aggressive and taunted me over the phone.
"We currently have a verbal agreement about the 2 other children for 50/50."
That sounds like an agreement to me, and if 50/50 has been ongoing for a period of time, that implies agreement, too.
So, let's talk solutions again. What are you proposing as care arrangements if you go to Court? Still every other weekend and half holidays?
That sounds like an agreement to me, and if 50/50 has been ongoing for a period of time, that implies agreement, too.
So, let's talk solutions again. What are you proposing as care arrangements if you go to Court? Still every other weekend and half holidays?
"please advise me as how long does family court go for and if i cant get legal aid where to next."
How long does it take? how long is a piece of string.. IF you see it all the way through to final hearing it will take a year or more
No legal aid? pay a solicitor, or learn to self represent.... So to do that you need to know a bit about the law...
Have a read
http://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/v.../fla1975114/s65daa.html?context=1;query=65Daa
So the family law act says that shared parental responsibility is assumed. You've given no reason to rebut that assumption. So we move onto the next step. Should 50/50 apply... Read the legislation... The answer is YEP it should at least be considered... So I see that as the starting point to coming to a decision. and if 50/50 isn't deemed appropriate then substantial time... So that is generally 5 nights a fortnight and half school holidays....
So what else will a court consider? Parenting cases - the best interest of the child - Family Court of Australia
have a read...
So the views of the child will be considered. BUT don't assume that means the kids make the rules. NOT EVEN CLOSE... Their views will be considered that is all...
Now you might have a problem... WHY? "The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and the other parent." So you've mentioned that dad isn't there, they have a big sister who is 20yrs old looking after them in the morning.... Is this because dad is at work? or because he is down the road scoring drugs? IF he is at work.... Well gee, having a 20yr old look after kids isn't exactly child abuse... So you have come here looking for advice... Understand this... If I was your ex's solicitor I'd be making the case that you are not willing to encourage a relationship with the kids and their dad.. Now I'm not saying that is true, but I can see how a solicitor would make the case...
One more problem "The likely effect on the child of changed circumstances, including separation from a parent or person with whom the child has been living, including a grandparent or other relatives" So if 50/50 already is happening the court is not likely to change things...
My advice - offer dad an incremental increase in time with baby leading up to 50/50. You have said their are other 'issues' relating to the older kids and 50/50. My advice - Find ways of overcoming or accepting those issues - because I doubt a court is going to change the existing set up....
How long does it take? how long is a piece of string.. IF you see it all the way through to final hearing it will take a year or more
No legal aid? pay a solicitor, or learn to self represent.... So to do that you need to know a bit about the law...
Have a read
http://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/v.../fla1975114/s65daa.html?context=1;query=65Daa
So the family law act says that shared parental responsibility is assumed. You've given no reason to rebut that assumption. So we move onto the next step. Should 50/50 apply... Read the legislation... The answer is YEP it should at least be considered... So I see that as the starting point to coming to a decision. and if 50/50 isn't deemed appropriate then substantial time... So that is generally 5 nights a fortnight and half school holidays....
So what else will a court consider? Parenting cases - the best interest of the child - Family Court of Australia
have a read...
So the views of the child will be considered. BUT don't assume that means the kids make the rules. NOT EVEN CLOSE... Their views will be considered that is all...
Now you might have a problem... WHY? "The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and the other parent." So you've mentioned that dad isn't there, they have a big sister who is 20yrs old looking after them in the morning.... Is this because dad is at work? or because he is down the road scoring drugs? IF he is at work.... Well gee, having a 20yr old look after kids isn't exactly child abuse... So you have come here looking for advice... Understand this... If I was your ex's solicitor I'd be making the case that you are not willing to encourage a relationship with the kids and their dad.. Now I'm not saying that is true, but I can see how a solicitor would make the case...
One more problem "The likely effect on the child of changed circumstances, including separation from a parent or person with whom the child has been living, including a grandparent or other relatives" So if 50/50 already is happening the court is not likely to change things...
My advice - offer dad an incremental increase in time with baby leading up to 50/50. You have said their are other 'issues' relating to the older kids and 50/50. My advice - Find ways of overcoming or accepting those issues - because I doubt a court is going to change the existing set up....
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