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WA No Family Court Orders - Father Sending Abusive Texts to Daughter?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by NDM0808, 20 September 2016.

  1. NDM0808

    NDM0808 Well-Known Member

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    My husband and I separated over 18 months ago. There are no family court orders. He was seeing our daughter (who is 12 this weekend) every second Sunday and a great proportion of school holidays. These were day visits only - she spent one night there and was hysterical and wanted to come home. He never asked for her to spend another night.

    Over the January school holidays, she was with him for at least 3 weeks during the day. At the beginning of the year, he moved to a country town about two hours away. He works 7 days per week, and at night. He came down for a few hours on Good Friday and hasn't bothered since - has said he would come down and see her but cancels at the last minute or just doesn't show up. Their telephone communication is sporadic. I make her call him at least once a week - he rarely answers but at least she has tried.

    Twice in the past week and a bit when I have asked her to go ring her dad, she has come back to me to show me a text he has sent her that have been emotionally abusive - telling her that I had him locked up (for breaching a Violence Restraining Order no less than 10 times), that I threw him out on the street and so on, that I was stopping her from seeing him, not letting her call or him call her and would she please not forget him as his other son has done (he is almost 18 and hasn't spoken to his dad for nearly 2 years after his father texted him whilst he was at school telling he would see him on the other side) and so on. You get the picture.

    He was addicted to ice, alcohol and gambling when I "threw him out" and he has been mentally unstable for quite some time. His parents even told his son to block his number as he was not in a good place and they felt it was better if he left B alone. He cleaned himself up whilst he was living with his parents but since moving to the country town, I fear he has spiraled downwards again. It certainly seems that way from his texts to her.

    Anyway, my question is, what to do about his messages. After his message last week, our daughter was magically sick the next day and then again yesterday - this morning she was complaining of tummy pains. And she of course, doesn't want to call him - can't say I blame her when she cops texts like that from him.

    Whilst there are no orders in place, he is her father and I want her to keep the lines of communication open. I will not force her to see him but I will continue to make her call him or at the very least, text him. I might add, he and I have zero communication - I was protected by a Violence Restraining Order and have no desire to talk with him. If anything, I would email him but quite frankly, I doubt he would take much notice.

    Anyone got any suggestions?
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    Was the child named as a protected party on the VRO?
     
  3. NDM0808

    NDM0808 Well-Known Member

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    Yes, initially, but the VRO is now expired.
     
  4. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    If you've managed to avoid court so far, then I really don't think it's worth opening up that can of worms over. It wouldn't just be a case about text messages, it would more likely be a case about the child spending regular overnight time with dad, and if you don't want that happening, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

    For the child, you might consider counselling so she can get some guidance on how to deal with these challenges from an unbiased third party, but I do also think that the communication issues between the parents need to be addressed, for the sake of your daughter who is undoubtedly feeling like the middle man in her parents' disagreement.

    It might be worthwhile organising a family dispute resolution conference - maybe even a child inclusive one - through Relationships Australia so you can discuss these issues with dad and have them addressed properly. You might even consider pitching a post separation parenting course to help you find some way to make this situation workable.
     

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