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QLD Father's Concern Over Au Pair and Child Supervision

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Concerned123, 22 September 2015.

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  1. Concerned123

    Concerned123 Member

    22 September 2015
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    I have a friend, who is a bit confused as to what to do.

    He is concerned that the mother of his child (result of a one night stand where the relationship ended prior to her finding out that she was pregnant), is not putting the correct checks in place to protect his child. What's more, when he attempts to get some answers from her, she either refuses to answers his call, or answers so aggressively so that he backs down and does not find out the information that he is asking. And if he asks her in person, it is in front of the child, so he backs down as he worries that she may then take the aggression out on the child.

    The latest issue of concern is regarding the mother organizing an Au Pair for his child, however refusing to advise him, or show him any documents from an agency showing that checks are in place for the child's safety. When pressed for blue card details and information of checks completed, she finally provided his blue card details over the space of a week (partial information each time) and when entered into the blue card website, the website could not find a viable result.

    She then advised my friend, the father, that he did not need to worry as the Au Pair was leaving that weekend and the lack of information would no longer be a concern. She advised this in person, when she was handing the child over for to spend the weekend at his place. On the day of handover (return to mother), prior to drop off, the child mentioned excitement over the new Au Pair that the child would meet that evening. Now my friend was unaware of this New Au Pair until this point and by no means pressured the child into giving information.

    When my friend questioned the mother, at handover, in front of the new Au Pair (that she refused to introduce him to), She told him that he didn't need to know about it, and that he should just trust her judgement in these things. Since this happened, she refuses to give him information other then that this is a Demi Pair that she organised through an agency. She would not even advise the agency's name.

    What can he do in this? He is a good man, who works hard to ensure that his child has the best life he can provide, regardless of the situation around the child's birth. He wants to make sure that this child is protected, however feels that he has no rights in this, and when he shows concern, he is met with silence, or aggression. I want to also point out that this man pays more than required in Child Support, often provides new shoes/ clothes/ toys that go with the child to the mother's house. He accepts any time he can with the child, pending work commitments not so that she can go away on holidays and have down time, but because he generally loves his child and wants to be in his life.

    He is going to request Mediation (3rd time of him initiating), however does not feel this will get him anywhere as he feels he is treated like a 'deadbeat dad' as the system does not take his situation into account.

    Any suggestions under Family Law on other avenues would be great.
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    23 July 2014
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    This will not be what you want to hear, but the mother is right - when the child is in the mother's care, it's her responsibility to ensure the child's safety and well-being. Similarly, when the child is in the father's care, it's his responsibility to ensure the child's safety and well-being. This means what the child does, who the child is around and where the child goes is solely up to the parent with whom the child is spending time, regardless of whether the non-care parent agrees or disagrees with those decisions.

    This is a trust issue lots of parents experience after separation, but in perspective, separation doesn't render a person any less capable of caring for a child in the same fashion that they would have when the parties were together. It's also generally accepted that both parents love a child equally, and are therefore equally capable of not putting the child in harm's way, even if the other parent doesn't agree with their decisions.

    Generally speaking, parents are better able to co-parent when there are appropriate boundaries in place, and one of the most important is to respect each others' decisions as parents.

    Hope this helps.

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