NSW Ex Creating Non-existent Issues During Visit - What to Do?

[AllForHer]

I agree, eight weeks is going to seem like nothing in the greater scheme of things.

It's a shame mum is being so obstructive, but it is good news for your case - the longer mum carries on being an obstacle, rather than a support, the more evidence you will have that mum doesn't support and encourage the relationship with you, which is why your son's time with you should be maximised. This is particularly true given that she's willing to interfere with even just one single hour of time each week.

If it were me, I would have the contact centre to write a report on what has happened today. For next week, I would advise the contact centre that you'll book for two hours, but if mum shows up half way through and repeats her behaviour, you're willing to let her take the child without issue so that he's not exposed to conflict.

I would also write to her lawyer and advise that you expect the mother to follow the orders from now on and will be booking for two hours again next week, and if mum continues to ignore the orders, you will be filing an application for contravention orders including an order for costs against her, concurrent with the existing proceedings.

Generally speaking, lawyers know better than to encourage their client not to follow the orders, so hopefully he'll make it clear what the consequences will be if she continues behaving like a nutcase.

 

[Rod]

As Sammy and AllforHer said, get the letter from the centre.

Hard to say what I'd do in that situation. I'd have thought the contact centre would call the police to get the mum out if she is creating a disturbance.

Keep on booking and keep on diarising the events ready for your next court appearance. A letter to the other solicitor is also a good idea saying you don't accept less time and that his client is breaching court orders. And definitely apply for a costs order.

 

[Twooke]

Awesome thanks, you guys!

Yeah the contact centre has told me that if I was to subpoena the notes on today's visit, I would get basically a word for word account on what happened!

Is there a difference between subpoenaing the contact centre and a contact centre report?

That sounds good, continuing to pay for the two hours and letting him go after one if she turns up. I suppose this would be another way to show that I do not agree to time being shortened to one hour, but if I let him go without fuss. Whilst not agreeing I don't want any conflict around our boy!

 

[AllForHer]

Contact centres usually produce a report of how supervised time between a parent and child has fared and if there were any issues. I didn't think this would require a subpoena, but I have no personal experience with contact centres, so I'm not sure, it might be best to talk to the contact centre about whether they can provide a review of each visit or if such documentation requires a subpoena.

I believe you need permission from the Court to issue a subpoena, and they're quite expensive, so for now, it may be best to keep a 'work in progress' affidavit in which you write your own version of what happens around each visit, including annexures of the text message from her about reducing time to one hour, any emails you send to her solicitor about not agreeing to reduce the time and asking her to follow the orders, and booking with the contact centre for the ordered two hours, then file it supplementary to existing affidavits before your next hearing. If mum significantly disputes anything (e.g. Says it didn't happen), then you can seek permission to subpoena the contact centre.

I really feel for you here. It's blowing my mind that even one hour of time is being disrupted with such recklessness on the mother's part, and I'm in awe that she doesn't just enjoy the break from parenting and take that time to herself to go out for a nice lunch or something. It sounds to me like she's on the verge of having an enmeshed relationship, which is not healthy for any child.

I hope she starts playing ball soon, but then it's good for your case and bad for hers if she doesn't.

 

[sammy01]

Keep your chin up... Mate, it appears that she knows how to play the system. AVO to stop you having any real ability to respond to any stupid stuff and a contact centre to stop you from keeping the child with you, even if it was for just that extra hour...

But let's face it, even if it was the stock standard meet at McDonalds for pick up's, if you didn't follow her rules, she would simply stop you seeing the kid altogether...

Mate you can expect her solicitor will give her a stern talking to... In fact, I can even expect that she will resume the 2 hour visits once her solicitor has told her that her silly games are going to backfire.

What is most important is that you relax... Don't play into the stupidity..

 

[AllForHer]

How did things go today, Twooke?

 

[Twooke]

G'day,

So on Monday I went and booked an hour appointment with the solicitor who's been helping me every now and then, and he helped me write a letter to my exes solicitor. I was glad I did that cause the way it was eventually written was exactly what was in my head and wanted to write but was finding it hard!

It mentioned the orders that we have, it asked for a reason as to why she stopped the full time permitted as set out in the orders. It also said that I expect the visits to last the full two hours from now on. It also brought up the AVO that she has against me saying something along the lines of the fact that I have abided by the terms of the AVO and not coming into contact with her. T\

he centre has also abided by the terms of the AVO waiting for her to leave before I am allowed to come to see our son. Surely with such a concern for her safety, it would be best to wait until I leave until she turns up!

Apart from that, the solicitor told me the same as you guys, that there's 7 weeks until the next hearing, gather up evidence, get the supervisors reports, continue to pay for the full two hours and have them ready for the hearing where I'll be able to ask for costs and an increased amount of time!
The most important thing is seeing him, and keeping our regular contact going!

I never received any reply at all from the letter. I had my visit this arvo and the receptionist came and whispered to the supervisor and I, after an hour, that my ex was about to walk in so without any conflict or anything I just stopped playing with my boy gave him a kiss and told him I loved him and let him go with his mum as soon as she got there! It was hard but I was prepared for it! Not gonna lie, I had a tear or two in my eye when they left!

So now I'm waiting for a reply from her solicitor in regards to my letter!

 

[sammy01]

Sorry for the commentary... But when a contact centre can't enforce court orders, what chance does anyone else..?

So how much did the letter from the solicitor cost you?

Do you think the ex is getting legal aid funding?

I'll look forward to hearing how the next court appearance goes.

 

[Twooke]

I totally agree with you Sammy!

The problem is the other centres that I went to have a waiting list of up to a month, and according to the orders we both have to agree on the centre- fat chance of her agreeing with anyone else! So I'm kinda stuck at the moment between biting my tongue and seeing him every week, or telling her it's unacceptable, demanding the 2 hours or going to the other place down the road... and waiting another month to see him!! It's crap that she is able to do this at all!

The letter itself didn't cost me anything cause it was from me, the solicitor just helped me word it properly... but the hour consultation with him was $250!

No, she's not legal aid funded at all. She's got some bigwig working for her, but at least this time when I emailed him, there wasn't the automated holiday response so I know they've got it. The guy on Monday told me not to expect a reply until today at least!

 

[Rod]

You'd be within your rights to file for a contravention.

Not arguing one way or the other, just pointing out it is an option you have.