NSW Domestic Violence - Single Father's Right to See His Daughter?

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Jarrad1984

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11 September 2018
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Lawyers are no different to other professions and trades. You get good ones, you get ones that are not so good.

If you can DIY then by all means it is possible.

Some people can't DIY, for different reasons and need lawyers. If allegations are made of family violence, then i reckon lawyers are good value if seeing your kids is important to you. FV is trap for fathers and it often needs legal advice to get out of.

So if I have a avdo against me and 11 charges... but not acts of violence then I should use a lawyer....
 

Rod

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I think so.

There's an excellent chance these charges will be used in a family law setting when you are seeking parenting orders. I can't see you getting consent orders unless you accede to your ex's demands so you need to think carefully, look at how you respond to the allegations, review whether a change in behaviour is needed and plan your steps in advance. If you can do all that without a lawyer all is good.

Personally I don't like your chances of getting a good result unless you understand family law, what judges look for, and can genuinely initiate change through self-reflection. If you don't think you need to change, it tells me almost straight away you would benefit from hearing what a lawyer has to say. Some if it likely to be things you don't want to hear.

I don't care if all charges against you are complete fabrications, it tells me something about the person you are up against and I think you would benefit from getting help. I don't know if you are a tradie or a professional, an analogy here is if you are a sparky, can you put up a second storey brick extension to code, with all plumbing, plastering, carpet laying, painting, etc or do you need help? If you have time to learn all the regs for building, buy new tools and learn new skills, then DIY is likely OK for you. Lawyering is no different to choosing a builder. Choose the right one and life becomes easier, choose the wrong one and life is hell and you pay for the privilege/mistake.

What I don't recommend is having a go and then deciding it is all too hard then expecting a lawyer to get you out the hole you've dug for yourself. Once papers have been submitted it can be hard backtracking mistakes you may have made. A bit like trying to build on uneven and weak footings - not recommended as it can affect the final result.

At the end of the day it is your choice to make.
 
Last edited:

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Use a lawyer.
I'm gonna assume you're completely innocent... But -11 charges. Sure you might be innocent, but you're making some huge mistakes to get a wrap sheet that long. With respect mate, stop doing anything that can add to the length of the wrap sheet.
 

Jarrad1984

Well-Known Member
11 September 2018
31
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121
Use a lawyer.
I'm gonna assume you're completely innocent... BUT -11 charges. Sure you might be innocent, but you're making some huge mistakes to get a wrap sheet that long. With respect mate, stop doing anything that can add to the length of the wrap sheet.

I’m not innocent... & couldn’t afford to fight all the charges... cost me over 12k just pleading guilty... I did say some stupid stuff but mainly got done for harassment for asking to see my daughter... but to be honest none of this would have happened if I was harnessed and belittle by my partner...

I finally had enough and abused her for her actions... no violence! I’d never hurt a female or a kid but the police charged me and the now ex and her mother took every opportunity to screw me...

They are still processing legal aid application, lawyer says it will be for mediation first & if that fails to apply again for court grant...

I just want to see my daughter... 4yrs trying to have her... 4 miscarriages and finally as she was about to arrive my partner started to be a complete prick to me... accusing me of affairs etc.

Abusing me for not being a good father as I was at work. lol

I run own business so my days were always 10-12hrs.

After the last time of accusations, I lost my s**t... and she took off.
 

Jarrad1984

Well-Known Member
11 September 2018
31
0
121
I’m not innocent.... & couldn’t afford to fight all the charges... cost me over 12k just pleading guilty.... I did say some stupid stuff but mainly got done for haressment for asking to see my daughter... but to be honest none of this would have happened if I was harnessed and belittle by my partner.... I finally had enough and abused her for her actions... no violence! I’d never hurt a female or a kid but the police charged me and the now ex and her mother took every opportunity to screw me....

They are still processing legal aid application, lawyer says it will be for mediation first & if that fails apply again for court grant...

I just want to see my daughter... 4yrs trying to have her... 4 miscarriages and finally as she was about to arrive my partner started to be a complete prick to me... accusing me of affairs, etc.

Abusing me for not being a good father as I was at work lol
I run own business so my days were always 10-12hrs
After the last time of accusation I lost my s**t... and she took off

Again I’m not innocent! I did harass her about my daughter... I called her and would see her around and stop and ask to see F...

But no I’m not innocent.... it seems I should have just let her walk away with my baby, but because I didn’t want to let her go, I got raped by the police and court system...

I didn’t even have a criminal record until these charges...
 

Jarrad1984

Well-Known Member
11 September 2018
31
0
121
I think so.

There's an excellent chance these charges will be used in a family law setting when you are seeking parenting orders. I can't see you getting consent orders unless you accede to your ex's demands so you need to think carefully, look at how you respond to the allegations, review whether a change in behaviour is needed and plan your steps in advance. If you can do all that without a lawyer all is good.

Personally I don't like your chances of getting a good result unless you understand family law, what judges look for, and can genuinely initiate change through self-reflection. If you don't think you need to change, it tells me almost straight away you would benefit from hearing what a lawyer has to say. Some if it likely to be things you don't want to hear.

I don't care if all charges against you are complete fabrications, it tells me something about the person you are up against and I think you would benefit from getting help. I don't know if you are a tradie or a professional, an analogy here is if you are a sparky, can you put up a second storey brick extension to code, with all plumbing, plastering, carpet laying, painting, etc or do you need help? If you have time to learn all the regs for building, buy new tools and learn new skills, then DIY is likely OK for you. Lawyering is no different to choosing a builder. Choose the right one and life becomes easier, choose the wrong one and life is hell and you pay for the privilege/mistake.

What I don't recommend is having a go and then deciding it is all too hard then expecting a lawyer to get you out the hole you've dug for yourself. Once papers have been submitted it can be hard backtracking mistakes you may have made. A bit like trying to build on uneven and weak footings - not recommended as it can affect the final result.

At the end of the day it is your choice to make.

Thank you for your help, makes perfect sense.

So the latest development... I have been given legal aid grant for mediation...

I already have the 601 cert., so I’m not sure why I now will have to do legal aid mediation...

I have a lawyer representing me but would like to know what my next move should be... and how I should approach this...

I am on avo with #1 & #6...
 

Rod

Lawyer
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27 May 2014
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www.hutchinsonlegal.com.au
Listen to what the lawyer says.

If you get free representation for mediation, then take advantage of the free advice and follow it. Ask your lawyer for the steps they propose, then read up on what they say. Don't be afraid to ask the lawyer lots of questions, assuming they are sensible and relevant questions, and write down the answers. You have entered a long difficult period in your life but you can get through it.

When it seems like it is getting hard, think of your daughter and if necessary call mensline. Not many get through unscathed and there's no shame in asking for help when your daughter is at risk of losing a father.
 
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sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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720
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Hey Jarrad, just to be clear here mate, I wasn't having a go at you... Well maybe I was but it was well intentioned... BTW been where you are.

But you have to learn to remember to stay focused on the prize... What is the prize? Maximum time with the kid.... Nothing else matters.... Mate my ex did some pretty revolting things, did everything she could to get a response out of me or get an avo breach...

so you have to do mediation because legal aid want you to... Simple. Follow instructions. Be co-operative. I'm guessing mediation will fail. But if the legal aid solicitor reports back that you're being unreasonable they may not continue funding you.

I agree with all of Rod's recommendations above.
 
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Jarrad1984

Well-Known Member
11 September 2018
31
0
121
Hey Jarrad, just to be clear here mate, I wasn't having a go at you... Well maybe I was but it was well intentioned... BTW been where you are.
But you have to learn to remember to stay focused on the prize... What is the prize? Maximum time with the kid.... Nothing else matters.... Mate my ex did some pretty revolting things, did everything she could to get a response out of me or get an avo breach...

so you have to do mediation because legal aid want you to... Simple. Follow instructions. Be co-operative. I'm guessing mediation will fail. But if the legal aid solicitor reports back that you're being unreasonable they may not continue funding you.
I agree with all of Rod's advice above.

Hi Sammy,

I didn’t think you were having a go at me.

I appreciate your help, seems every guy has to travel this path when the ex’s become vindictive...

I have always said good opinions come from those that have done the same & best opinions come from those who failed the hardest...

Unfortunately, I think mediation will fail too...
 

Jarrad1984

Well-Known Member
11 September 2018
31
0
121
I am interested to know with my charges, what effect will that have in court?
I have 11 charges all breaches and harassment, intimidation but no violent or assault...
And her fact statements for every charge say I’m continuing to ask about my daughter ect...