NSW Domestic Violence - Single Father's Right to See His Daughter?

[sammy01]

Have a read... It is basically the principles that magistrates follow when making decisions
The best interests principle | ALRC

Effect on the court? Well, the magistrate will be made aware of it... Do you have any other criminal history? Her solicitor will argue it is not in the best interests of the child to have contact because there is high conflict (the violence) shows that... Your solicitor will make the point that on the whole, you're a good guy and it was a high-stress situation...

Suggestion, go to your GP get a referral for some free counselling... Why?

1. It will look good. You're showing you've acknowledged that the stress got to you and you cracked and your working on fixing it.
2. You probably need it mate. lets face it, this is probably the most stressful thing you've ever gone through - true?

 

[Jarrad1984]

Thank you, everyone, for all your help, it’s greatly appreciated...

I’m probably going around in circles but I already have 60i cert but legal aid has given me grant but for mediation...

I have a private lawyer...

Waiting for dates, etc., which I sure the ex will refuse. Got notification today that they have sent the letter to ex’s solicitor...

My questions are:

Knowing the ex will fight the mediation what steps should I take before applying for family court? References, etc?

Does it matter who my lawyer is? Should I be looking for the hardest meanest lawyer?
I want to be as prepared as possible...

As I know all my charges will be used against me... again zero violent or assault charges but heaps of beaches, harressment//intimidation, etc.

Considering My ex lives 10min away what visitation rights should I be asking for?

I’m sure they will request supervised visits, should I refuse? As there has been no violence just me being charged for wanting to see daughter?

& Will I ever get to see my daughter or is this a war I should retreat from...

 

[sammy01]

OK so if legal aid is prepared to fund you then they think you have a case. Play by their rules Simple.
If all they will agree to is supervised visits agree. BUT suggest that they pay for them. After all, if they want them, they should cop the cost. But mate it is all bluff. Ultimately, if you wanna see your kid, pay the $ for the contact centre.

What sort of access do you want? Can you manage 50/50? Apply for 50/50 and hope you get something like 4-5 a fortnight.

 

[Rod]

Keeping in mind that while we are missing a lot of detail, and that can make a difference, I am tending to agree with Sammy.

1. Get some prof help addressing the harassment.
2. Get a competent lawyer. Mean lawyers shouldn't be in family law. Competence, empathy and a willingness to go bat for what you want, within reason, are what is important in family lawyers.
3. Character references can help in some situations. Maybe even a police check if that is clean(ish) and ex is making all sort of outlandish allegations. Even a drug test if allegations of drugs have been made.
4. If you want 'live with' time, ask for it. Ask for what you want, then negotiate from there.
5. I'd refuse supervised access. Extra expense that is better used on getting proper access. Make them prove their side as to why it is necessary, don't just rollover on this unless they can clearly show you are a risk to the child. Then if any mud sticks, you roll out your professional counselling and character references to counter any sticky mud.
6. As to whether you will see your daughter - that's partly up to you, and partly the courts. If you do not fight for access then your chances are remote. If you fight for access, there's a possibility it will happen. Remember the court is supposed to look at what is in your daughter's best interests, not what your ex claims is in your daughter's best interest.

 

[Jarrad1984]

Keeping in mind that while we are missing a lot of detail, and that can make a difference, I am tending to agree with Sammy.

1. Get some prof help addressing the harassment.
2. Get a competent lawyer. Mean lawyers shouldn't be in family law. Competence, empathy and a willingness to go bat for what you want, within reason, are what is important in family lawyers.
3. Character references can help in some situations. Maybe even a police check if that is clean(ish) and ex is making all sort of outlandish allegations. Even a drug test if allegations of drugs have been made.
4. If you want 'live with' time, ask for it. Ask for what you want, then negotiate from there.
5. I'd refuse supervised access. Extra expense that is better used on getting proper access. Make them prove their side as to why it is necessary, don't just rollover on this unless they can clearly show you are a risk to the child. Then if any mud sticks, you roll out your professional counselling and character references to counter any sticky mud.
6. As to whether you will see your daughter - that's partly up to you, and partly the courts. If you do not fight for access then your chances are remote. If you fight for access, there's a possibility it will happen. Remember the court is supposed to look at what is in your daughter's best interests, not what your ex claims is in your daughter's best interest.

Appreciate the guidance rod, thank you.

Question...when you say “missing a lot of detail” what do you mean?

What sort of things can make a difference?

 

[Rod]

when you say “missing a lot of detail” what do you mean?

It is the history behind your relationship and in particular the details of each of the 11 criminal charges. It is the detail a lawyer gets from talking to you for 2-3 hours.

What sort of things can make a difference?

Family violence is the main factor here. There will be other factors like who takes your daughter to school, picks her up, takes her to non-school activities, does your daughter see and have a relationship with your extended family, etc

You should not pointing out to the court what a bad mother your ex is (unless she's a druggie/ commits family violence on your daughter), your main focus is what a good dad you are and your wish to remain a good dad and positive role model for her.

To be blunt, spending 2 weeks in jail is not being a good role model and indicates to a court you may be lacking in some areas. You need to turn this perception around. If you don't have a job, get a job, any job. Make sure your housing is suitable for your daughter (ie her own room). The court will not consider you as being capable of looking after your own daughter if you can't look after yourself. Get counselling, at the very minimum put a call into mensline and read the material on their website. Convince the court you sincerely acknowledge you did the wrong thing and are taking steps to improve.

I have no idea if you have a job or not, I don't know your living circumstances, all I'm doing is pointing out these are additional factors that court will consider.

 

[Jarrad1984]

Things is rod... I don’t think what I did was wrong.... in fact I believe my ex and anyone else who cared about there kid would have done the same...

I also have no previous history of violence and have never been physical with anyone...

My charges are all harassment and intimidation... I believe I was pushed beyond the limit by ex... we had had three miscarriages prior all at about 14-16 weeks, old enough to watch there heat beating on sonogram... finally, we had F, then 10 weeks later ex accuses me of an affair and then disappears with our daughter...

I know I technically broke the law... but calling someone (50+missed calls) you have been with for 13yrs & just disappeared doesn’t feel like it should be classed as harassment...

Regardless I have accepted my faults but I’m still waiting for legal aid to grant me court time after mediation was unsuitable again...F is 1yr old next month... I now haven’t even seen a picture of her in 9 months...

And lawyer thinks I’ll be lucky to get 1hr a month supervised visits through Newcastle courts... is that even worth further emotional abuse? I have coped so much already to the point where I have given up

 

[Rod]

It doesn't matter what I think. I am pointing out how a court is likely to consider your application to see your daughter.

Concentrate on what you are doing to improve and change and build a relationship with your daughter. Get the court to see this and you have a chance. If you can, book in for counselling and show they court you are undertaking counselling.

Forget about what is important to you, you have to change your mindset. Think about what is important for your daughter. The court doesn't care about you, just your daughter.

You may well be desperate, but do not let that show in your responses to the court.

Sorry to be blunt here but I think you to change the way you are thinking.

 

[Jarrad1984]

Oh I understand it not what you think, I didn’t mean it to come across as me not appreciating your input and help...

At the moment to me this forum and the advise given by urself, migz & just for her are all I have... and actually what you & they think is of big importance to me...

my lawyer who is being paid by legal aid hasn’t asked me about any details... or given me any advise... let alone advising me to do counceling...

Hence y I’m wondering if I should be changing lawyers...

She told me to sit and wait for legal aid but instead, I started calling them... instead of waiting for 3-4weeks for mediation grant approval I had it done in under 5days.

The lawyer then told me I shouldn’t have done that and it was her job...

 

[Rod]

Hence I’m wondering if I should be changing lawyers...

If I was in your position and not happy with the advice I was receiving (or lack of), I'd be making an enquiry to see if I could change lawyer and keep legal aid.

Thanks for the explanation. It is sometimes hard trying to work out what people are thinking through an online forum.