I talked to the kids about this proposal from their mother last night. They were...a little shocker? surprised? Don't know which word to describe it. It was quite emotional for me to bring up to them cos I know hard it would be to comprehend it all. They said they didnt know what to say. I told them its totally up to you. Don't worry how you think your answer will make me feel, or your mother or anyone else. Do what you feel you want to do. They want time to think about it, I've asked again today what they're thinking/feeling. They asked if they need to give an answer straight away. I said no, they can take as much time as they want to think about this all.
So the kids have still not indicated to me that they want to have any communication with their mother.
I have received a letter today from the TDRS (Family Dispute Resolution) saying they were contacted by my ex who is interested in using this service to discuss matters regarding the children.
I will contact them to set a date to discuss this (again)
But my main question is; if I tell them the kids feelings, and even if they ask to discuss with the directly and they hear the same answers I give them. Can anyone (FDR or courts) force the kids to have any communications with their mother if they don't want it ?
I have received a letter today from the TDRS (Family Dispute Resolution) saying they were contacted by my ex who is interested in using this service to discuss matters regarding the children.
I will contact them to set a date to discuss this (again)
But my main question is; if I tell them the kids feelings, and even if they ask to discuss with the directly and they hear the same answers I give them. Can anyone (FDR or courts) force the kids to have any communications with their mother if they don't want it ?
Mum came to Australia for a vacation and has asked to see the kids with 1 weeks notice when the kids haven’t seen her in 10 years…and are of age to have their considerations heard.
Are you saying I should force them to go see their mother because it suits her vacation plans ?
Are you saying I should force them to go see their mother because it suits her vacation plans ?
Ok, so slow down. MUM 'came' to Australia? has this already happened? One weeks notice? yeah, not great.
Hypotethetical - Aunty Mary is visiting from Ireland. She wants to take my kids for a night or two. I have no reason to fear she is a danger to the kids. She has fun stuff planned. The kids have phones and will not be more than 2 hours from me. The kids want to go. SWEET.
Hypotethetical - Aunty Mary is visiting from Ireland. She wants to take my kids for a night or two. I have no reason to fear she is a danger to the kids. She has fun stuff planned. The kids have phones and will not be more than 2 hours from me. The kids want to go. SWEET.
The mother lives in America. Came to Australia with a weeks notice and requested to spend time with the kids. Mother has had 0 contact the last 10 years.
the kids don’t want to go anywhere with her at this stage.
Is seeing the kids the sole purpose of the visit?
Or, is seeing kids something that has become possible by-the-way
because she's here for some other reason (work...? holiday with now-husband...)?
You can't force them.
She can't force the them.
She doesn't have any of the rights she might think or claim to have.
Glib as it sounds, unless she's dying of something nasty
with only weeks to live (which is implausible given that she travelled)
she won't get to court for an order at (what seems like) short notice.
All that said, prepare for somebody uninvited at the front door, or
stalking them at school, or approaching them/you in the shopping centre.
From what I gather; she and her new husband decided to visit Australia for a holiday / to spend time with the kids.
She’s not dying or sick, they have mentioned that they plan to come back to Aus. Regularly to see the kids.
I have a strong feeling that this has all come about by way of her new husband being concerned that his partner (my ex) is likely to do the same with their new daughter. Which made me think this even more so after the sister of my ex who I have a good relationship with, told me of a argument she had with her sister re: wanting to leave the daughter with their parents for a few months while she chased a “business venture”. I won’t go into detail, but I will say it was laughable.
I am concerned of the latter, in that she might just turn up one day at the front door or kids school, which I why I worked from home while the kids were on school holidays.
She did go to the kids school (before they started) asking for access to school reports / online portal. Which the school denied. I am in the process of getting her, her own access to view reports, timetables, etc.
Also; since my last letter to her lawyer stating the the reason she hasn’t seen the kids yet is not because “I’m controlling them” as she so put, but I am protecting their emotional and mental wellbeing.
I have not had a reply from this last letter as yet.
Now she is demanding the kids attend seeing a therapist to assist with their re-introduction.m to seeing their mother, and not just that. That I pay for half of it. And they hope that the therapy will avoid the need for court.
I’m finding these letters from the lawyer are meant to intimidate me into making the children communicate with her.
I’m finding these letters from the lawyer are meant to intimidate me into making the children communicate with her.
ok, so I come at this stuff from a legal perspective, from my experience... Not a solicitor. But also as a dad / human. BTW - kinda similar, she dumped the kids.... But only moved 9 hours away.
Legally? well it doesnt matter.... The reality is, if she tried legal avenues it would take years and she probably would not get very far given her history of minimal contact....
So - would a week with their mum kill them? nope. Cause psychological harm? doubt it... But you can put measures in place to protect them (more on this later). You're not comfortable with a week? what about a weekend? Why not a day trip followed by a night or two?
Ok - protecting them from psychological harm... My ex is a nutter. NUTTER. In all seriousness, has mental health issues. We have orders that provide her with time with the kids during school holidays. Once or twice she has refused to return them. She has decided she is a better parent and blah blah blah.... This is very unfortunate because I'm not wasting a cent on solicitors and court. So my kids have (unfortunately) been taught strategies by me. Not happy about it, but I also teach them about the dangers of drugs, stranger danger and crossing the road safely. Your kids have a mobile phone. That is all you and they need to know. If they're not happy, they call you and you come pick them up. Simple. Hell, you can even explain this to the ex.
There - kids get to spend time with mum (if they want) and we have a happy ending.
Legally? well it doesnt matter.... The reality is, if she tried legal avenues it would take years and she probably would not get very far given her history of minimal contact....
So - would a week with their mum kill them? nope. Cause psychological harm? doubt it... But you can put measures in place to protect them (more on this later). You're not comfortable with a week? what about a weekend? Why not a day trip followed by a night or two?
Ok - protecting them from psychological harm... My ex is a nutter. NUTTER. In all seriousness, has mental health issues. We have orders that provide her with time with the kids during school holidays. Once or twice she has refused to return them. She has decided she is a better parent and blah blah blah.... This is very unfortunate because I'm not wasting a cent on solicitors and court. So my kids have (unfortunately) been taught strategies by me. Not happy about it, but I also teach them about the dangers of drugs, stranger danger and crossing the road safely. Your kids have a mobile phone. That is all you and they need to know. If they're not happy, they call you and you come pick them up. Simple. Hell, you can even explain this to the ex.
There - kids get to spend time with mum (if they want) and we have a happy ending.
Similar threads
