VIC Sole parental custody - advice

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Annec1990

Active Member
11 September 2020
6
0
31
Hi there,

Im just looking for some advice, it’s pretty long, so I will try and keep it as short and detailed as possible. I was wondering what the likelyhood of being granted soul parental custody would be?

My sons father hasn’t been involved in his life since the day he was born. We were still together when he was born. The minute he was born in hospital he left. He took paternity leave and went on a holiday and didn’t see him the first 2 weeks of his life.

My son was born late 2018, and he only started paying child support in the April of 2019 - not the full amount and I always have to ask.

he makes promises that he will come and see him but always cancels. Which I have in text message.

he has never had him over night, even for a day, never changed a single nappy and I’m almost positive he wouldn’t even know how to make a bottle.

he missed his first Christmas, and his second. He missed his easters. He also missed his first birthday saying he thought it was the next week.

he has never met my family. He refuses to let me post photos of him on fb. He refuses to acknowledge his son also on fb as he hasn’t told his family about him. My son is almost 2 and his grandparents don’t even know he exists. I’ve tried getting a hold of them but he always shuts it down, so I’ve given up on trying to find the family.

we even saw him down the street and he walked straight past and got in his car and drove off, next minute he calls and says yeah sorry I’m a bit busy. So he even refuses to aknowledge him in public.

he is almost 2 and he has seen him 60 times. With those 60 times they weren’t for 24 hours. It was more 20 mins here and 40 mins there. So very very little interaction.

whenever he does come and sees him my son will not go near him And he will crying hysterically. He will then ask me what’s wrong with him.

Father’s Day past and he didn’t contact.

The story is endless honestly. But that’s basically a small piece of the cake right there.

I guess I want to know what would the likelyhood of getting sole custody? Is it possible to be able to change his last name? How would I go about that?
Any advice would be much appreciated
 

Annec1990

Active Member
11 September 2020
6
0
31
I will also add, Ive said multiple times to him he needs to be more active in his life and I’m met with abuse and threats of I’ll get the best lawyer in Australia and take him off of you 🙄. It’s always a fight for him to do anything for him, so I’ve stopped asking.

oh and if I ask if he’s coming over I’ve heard every excuse under the sun, “I’m cooking” “I’m cleaning” “I’ve got to travel interstate” “I’m tired” and some of them are just ridiculous
 

Annec1990

Active Member
11 September 2020
6
0
31
Thanks.

It seems as though there is a lot going on, especially because your son cries when he sees his father.

Without knowing everything, have you tried mediation?
i haven’t as of yet. Just in the beginning process of looking into everything. I’ve spoken to a lawyer at the start of the year who advised me not to start anything because his attitude seems like he doesn’t care but I want to get things set in stone.
 

Step2Three

Well-Known Member
21 December 2018
35
12
154
A few questions:
What do you mean by 'sole custody'? Sole parental responsibility -SPR (i.e. decision making) or 100% care (time spent with the child), or both?

It sounds like you're seeking an order to make the current arrangements, where your son has little-no relationship with his dad permanent and binding. What are you hoping to achieve for your son by doing that- how is it in his best interest? Sorry if that sounds snarky, I say 'best interest of the child' as this is the point at the heart of decisions about children. The likelihood of having SPR or 100% care awarded are based on being able to demonstrate that it is the best thing for your son.

It seems that up until this point, you have been trying to maintain your son's relationship with his father and extended family, so presumably you thought that was the best thing for your son up to this point. Did something change your mind about that or you've just had enough trying?

Mediation is the place the start regardless (unless there are safety concerns), either you two can discuss why it is important for this man to have a relationship with his son and come to an agrrangement, or it's your first step towards filing an application in a parenting case.
 
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Annec1990

Active Member
11 September 2020
6
0
31
A few questions:
What do you mean by 'sole custody'? Sole parental responsibility -SPR (i.e. decision making) or 100% care (time spent with the child), or both?

It sounds like you're seeking an order to make the current arrangements, where your son has little-no relationship with his dad permanent and binding. What are you hoping to achieve for your son by doing that- how is it in his best interest? Sorry if that sounds snarky, I say 'best interest of the child' as this is the point at the heart of decisions about children. The likelihood of having SPR or 100% care awarded are based on being able to demonstrate that it is the best thing for your son.

It seems that up until this point, you have been trying to maintain your son's relationship with his father and extended family, so presumably you thought that was the best thing for your son up to this point. Did something change your mind about that or you've just had enough trying?

Mediation is the place the start regardless (unless there are safety concerns), either you two can discuss why it is important for this man to have a relationship with his son and come to an agrrangement, or it's your first step towards filing an application in a parenting case.
actually, I want nothing more then to have my son apart of his fathers life and his side of the family, I have done everything in my power for them to have a relationship but it always gets shut down and it’s coming to a point where it is going to do more damage to him then good. So I as a parent need to stand up for him.

and I want sole parental Responsibility where I can make the decisions. Currently he was not allowed to attend daycare due to his dad won’t sign the paper work, and I had to jump through all these leaps and bounds just for him to attend daycare so I could work.

so I’m not doing this to keep him from his father, I’m not a bitter baby mama, I’m doing this to protect him.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,267
621
2,894
don't bother. Don't drag yourself through court. Seriously, all you're gonna do is cause yourself stress and you'll get a piece of paper from a court that states the child lives with you. Big deal. That is already happening....