NSW Parental orders & property

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Louise too, 21 May 2019.

  1. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    I would be having a chat to everyone about the TFN.
    Start with your accountant, then your solicitor.
    Go to centrelink - She is committing welfare fraud. I would suggest Centrelink are more likely to be interested in this than ato...

    Some friendly advice - trust me this has been a long time for me to learn it and i still struggle with this reality. She is a NUTTER. MAD HATTER - Men are from Mars, women from Venus, BUT she is not from either, Pluto maybe - Apha Centurian, probably not even from this universe.... So the mistake you're gonna keep making is trying to be reasonable, polite, you know the stuff that us humans have learnt as social norms. NOT her. So your parents go and pay out the car debt... You offer her the car at a reasonable price. HELL NO. She wants the car, infact she probably thinks you should pay her compensation for the taxis she has had to catch as a result of this situation that YOU CREATED....

    Story time - Way back when, the ex asked me to meet with her. I did so, very reluctantly.... At this point we'd both blown a small fortune on solicitors. So she wanted to have a discussion - how can we move forward.... It was very productive. At the end of it we hugged, agreed that it was all going to be ok and we were gonna work together for the sake of the kids.... I agreed to giving her 16K of my super, she keeps the proceeds from the sale of the house and I have the kids 5 nights a fortnight. Sweet.... I get a letter from her solicitor the next week. The letter explains that we have an agreement and that agreement was she gets 20K of my super, she keeps the proceeds from the sale of the house, I resume paying the mortgage for a house I'm not living in and continue to pay it until either the house sells OR the mortgage is paid out (which would take about 20 years) But she would still get the proceeds from the sale, even though she had not paid a cent. Oh and she has sole parental responsibilty for the kids and my access will by mutual agreement. Basically, I'd have to apply / request to see my own kids... WTF?

    I reckon your ex arrived on the same UFO as mine.... Realise that you're not playing with someone who is prepared to play nice. That doesn't mean you should break rules, BUT realise that you're not gonna get anywhere until you apply some pressure. The only avenue for that is court.
     
    Jake Matherson likes this.
  2. Louise too

    Louise too Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much sharing your story.
    So what are you going to do ? Would u take
    her to court. Why do they think we should be supporting the ex as well as the children!!! She is going the same with the car. And probably would of have done the same with the house. How am I meant to move on when all me money is going to paying a car insurance. Child support school excursions and sport and uniforms as well as out of school sports. And I have to take them. She will not take them.
    I emailed draft copy of financial statement and asked about progress of parental orders. I just paid lawyer $3000 in advanced as per lawyers request before she submit parental orders. Far out so expensive.
    I’m dropping kids off soon. Getting ready usually Thursday night of her approaching the car and refusing to leave !!!!
    How did you honestly cope ??!
     
  3. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    These days the kids live mostly with me... I can see this being in your future.
    Mate, not legal advice today, just life experience.
    So I learned some strategies. The single most important thing is to build some coping strategies... Story time... Mate I was on valium just to go get the kids. I was a basket case. Like you I was trying to tame a lion, offer more child support, agree to all sorts of crap. MADNESS. So I came across this idea. When the ex was meeting for pick up's drop off's I'd imagine that directly over the ex's shoulder, about 15 metres away, there was something that was absorbing my attention. I was completely distracted by something that wasn't there... So the ex would do her performance, swearing, telling me I'm a uselss father. Instead of engaging, arguing, defending myself, I'd just glare off into the distance. It didn't work straight away and for a while the ex got worse, even throwing soiled kids undies at me. I just picked them up, handed them back and said something like 'oops, I think you dropt these'. All the while looking at the non-existent thing way over behind her.

    The point is this - Start taking back control. Make a strategy for change overs. I even made a few choice phrases to repeat. The ex would abuse me, I'd respond. "Cool no worries thanks for the info, please keep me informed how it goes" REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT. It was absurd, crazy.... But I was in control and I started to find the whole situation funny.
    rant over.

    Nope never wound up in court, except for the AVO she got on me.... But when I stopped paying for everything and her legal bills were climbing, she was confronted with a reality. Same reality that your ex needs to get - She isn't gonna win. But you've got to work on making that happen and right now a court application seems inevitable.
    One more thing - go have a look at Aussie Legal? I think you've been posting there.
     
  4. Jake Matherson

    Jake Matherson Well-Known Member

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    I came to this site for advice for my own case.
    I stay for @sammy01 's stories, especially the ones where he calls someone's ex a TWIT! Haha gets me every time.

    The best thing that ever happened to me for my case was a no contact order preventing me from speaking to my Ex. She would send me 1000's of messages, phone calls to my mobile followed by a phone call to my work phone to see if i was at work. Seriously they're all crazy.

    The best thing you can and will do is learn to just ignore them and not let their irrational emotional outburst even register on your radar.
    You let them rant, rave, yell scream and everything in the middle and then if you must respond you do so politely, calmly and in as few words as possible then carry on not talking/responding to them until you absolutely have to.

    My stuff has been going on for 1.5 years now and I'm probably only half way but by being patient and not doing anything stupid my life is getting easier whilst hers is falling apart.
    Things will go you're way in the end. Just keep taking it one day at a time. You're not to only one going through this. Always remember the kids are #1 not you or her.
     
  5. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Louise Too - I hope you don't mind. But since Jake mentioned it... I thought I'd give him a laugh...

    so the ex wasn't able to see the kids on Mother's day. Her choice.There have been 4 mother's days since she dumped them with me and moved 8 hours away. She has only seen them on one mother's day... So I agree to send them for a week, starting last Thursday... BUT- the kids have not been well. Boys at Dr's twice in a week.

    Anyways last Wednesday they're back at the Dr. They're being tested for Whooping cough. I'm directed to quarantine the kids until the result come back... So I tell her they’re not coming, due to the high risk of them being contagious. I'm following Dr's orders... The ex works in a hospital, so I'd have thought she would have some understanding of the severity of the situation but at this point it is just a precaution... She accuses me of lying… I get a call on Friday from Dr I'm at work, I'm directed to leave straight away and get the kids and myself straight to his office. When we get there we’re given surgical masks and put in the corner… We’re all given the week off and medication. Two of the kids are confirmed as having whooping court. THE ex accuses me of lying, again. I send her photo’s of Dr certificates..

    So we've been given a week off. The kids are a bit crook, but the priority behind the time off is to prevent us spreading Whooping cough. So we’re off to the skate park and fishing during the day. Nothing too exhausting, but I can’t keep kids couped up in the house all day and when we’re out we’re going to places that are empty, we don't live in a city, so we’re not gonna risk infecting anyone else so it is pretty easy to find an isolated fishing sport so we’re not gonna risk infecting anyone else. BUT the ex has decided I’m lying about the kids being sick. Even with a Dr’s certificate…. Oh dear…

    So, like i said, I live in a small town. Old school country pracitice style doctor. He'll suggest Guinness for iron deficency, lemon juice and honey for a sore throat and a tea spoon of cement if he thinks you're fishing for a dr's certificate to get outa work.

    So yesterday I'm back at the Dr's.... Dr tells me the ex had been harassing the admin staff, so he spoke to her. Doctor tells me that she tried to explain that I had broken the law because I didn't provide the kids as per our agreement. He told her that he is a doctor, not a solicitor and that if she think it is a problem she should contact a solicitor, however, he'll happily write a letter to the courts to explain that all I did was follow medical advice. She then proceeds to tell the Doc I'm a narcisist. He tells her he is not a psychologist and neither is she... She tells him that i'm an alchoholic. He politely suggests that maybe I drank too much when I was with her to self-medicate (which is true). He tells me he had to interupt her and briskly offer his farewells before hanging up on her mid-sentence...

    Jake's advice is good. Focus on the kids and try and find a way to laugh at the ex's antics. If you don't laugh at it, then it will make you depressed. Stuff that. Mate, things could be worse, at least you're not living with her anymore.
     
  6. Louise too

    Louise too Well-Known Member

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    Yes thank you. But I can’t log back in. Please.
     
  7. Atticus

    Atticus Well-Known Member

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    Aussielegal is down for restructuring.. Supposed to be back in a new form soon
     
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