QLD Help with Preparing for Family Court?

[new dad]

Hello everyone,

I would like to start by thanking all those that have contributed to this forum and although this is my first post I have read it extensively and it has helped me a lot over the last year.

I have an eight-month-old son with my ex-partner. We started dating and within two weeks she was pregnant. We tried to make it work but the relationship was toxic. The relationship ended when a DVO was brought against me as the result of an argument. I consented without admission to the DVO.

There were no charges brought against me and no conditions or stay away orders put on the DVO, and my ex partner received no injuries and doesn't claim that I assaulted her and this is reflected in the court documents.

After the separation my ex moved interstate back to her family in WA which I don't object to as I wish her to be supported by her family. Approximately 3 months later, she gave birth to our truly beautiful little boy. Since then, it has been a real struggle to gain access among many other things. I have tried mediation twice in which both times my ex walked away from the table despite the fact that I was asking for a very small and reasonable agreement based on the research I have done previously.

There has been a few occasions when my ex has asked that we get back together and when I decline the offer as gently as possible. Everything gets shut down, all communication about our son is blocked and so on. I could write an essay on everything that has happened but I won't put you through that lol.

Perhaps the best way to describe it is that my ex seems to display traits and patterns that resemble some form of personality disorder. It has been a very painful and difficult year but during the relationship, I knew something wasn't right. And after the separation, I started researching immediately and putting into practice the advice from this forum and other resources that I hope will put me into a reasonable legal position in family court.

I have tried hard to avoid having to go to court as it doesn't seem good for anyone but things only seem to be deteriorating over time not getting better. However despite the way that she has treated me, my ex appears on all accounts to be quite a very good mother to our son except in the value she puts on having me in his life.

I have a few questions that I would like to ask:

1) Are there any suggestions for books on self-representation in family court, particularly ones that deal with toxic personalities or difficult custody disputes, as this may very well be my new reality?

2) I am currently a mature aged student at uni and doing quite well. Should I go back to my old job as a landscaper for the immediate money or should I stay with uni for the long term financial stability? I intend to apply for legal aid.

3) Should I file in Qld where I live or WA where she lives? I don't intend to try and make her move back to Qld and don't believe that it would be successful anyway.

4) I have always intended to move to WA to be near my son - should I move before I file or is this something that can be sorted out in court so that I can remain with my support network while going through the process?

5) Any help that people feel might be helpful on other things is welcomed as well. It feels really quite intimidating, the prospect of self representation in family court, particularly as it is almost certain that my ex will have a lawyer.

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post.

 

[sammy01]

Gonna be blunt - learn about paragraphs. Just makes reading posts easier.

Next - sorry for your situation.

My opinion - move to WA - continue with the degree and do all you can to see your kid, but remember how easy it is to get an AVO against you.. Don't let that happen again.

Be patient - 8-month-old son? You don't want to take this to court any time soon... The law states that the magistrate must consider 50/50 care. But only consider it... Now given the age of the child, it seem reasonable for you to have 2-3 hours 2-3 times a week. Not really worth going to court over.

So get to WA, do your best to establish time with the kid. Keep a diary. and apply to court when the kid is 2 years old if necessary.

Mate I have been in a similar situation. I honestly thought my youngest kid would never bond with me. He was 6 months old when I got kicked out of the house and I didn't see him for a few months and then I only saw him sporadically. Eventually I got court orders and event though I thought he would never bond with me I was totally wrong.

He is now 6 lives with me 80% of the time and we get on really well. I have had an exceptionally good result... Granted but I want to highlight that you can get a good result.

 

[new dad]

Hi sammy01,

Thanks for your help. I can see the logic in waiting to go to court. I am just concerned about not looking interested to the judge - is this something they take into account?

I have often thought about moving over without my ex being onboard with it (she is actually quite resistant to the idea) but I have thought that it would be pointless to move and she would still not let me see my son. At the moment, she has closed the email account so no direct communication as of a couple of days ago because I said I would like my parents to meet their grandchild, so now communication has to go through her dad's email and he is being quite aggressive.

I can see the value in a legal sense of being closer and if they still won't let me see my son how that may look in court, is this a something you were thinking?

At the moment they are insisting on following the draft copy of the mediation agreement that my ex refused to sign, and also insisting on supervised visits with whoever she chooses at the time and only four times a year as I live interstate. How would be the best way of addressing this if I was to move over there?

I am concerned about her bringing false allegations against me and the distance does give me a sense of security about it, although I am totally willing to move if it's the right thing to do. If I move and they refuse to let me see my son, do I continue to ask periodically and what is the appropriate amount of time between requests so as not to be seen as harassing them?

They live in the outback essentially, hundred of kms from Perth, so maybe that is still enough distance so they cannot make false allegations.

i have been thinking that if they continue to insist on supervised visits that I request that they happen in a contact center so I can get reports from the staff and do not have to deal with my ex or her friends as it is really very uncomfortable. Do you think this is a wise move?

Lots of questions I know. Sorry about that, there seems to be an unending series of scenarios and questions and possibilities.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my last post and Merry Christmas to you and yours

 

[sammy01]

Mate my kids are with their mum this Christmas, so I have lots of time...

So moving closer - my logic. It means that you should have weekly / fortnightly access... If interstate then a few times a year is a more plausible scenario. Look it depends on you... Sure child is priority, but life ain't that simple...

But if you lived within a few hundred km then a contact centre for visits is a good idea. No contact between you and her means no risk of allegations. It also demonstrates to magistrate that you're intent on being an active dad and not just an every other holiday dad... And if that is your plan and you can manage work? and what other commitments then moving to WA ain't a bad idea.

So where is she living right now? With her parents? They will soon enough get over the whole nonsense... But small steps.

Ok I understand your concerns about false allegations. Look it happens, it is so routine that the magistrates know all about it. Allegations once tested and proven false really stuff up their case.

Remember those magistrates are smart.... and they don't like the system they work for being screwed over by liars.

 

[new dad]

Thanks sammy,

Yeah the move certainly makes sense. The ex does live with her parents and over the years they have had strained relations previously so I think they might become tired of the drama in time.

I have tried to follow yours and others examples from this forum and remain consistent and calm and non-reactive and let her own actions paint the picture. I have been careful to document everything and have had the idea of family court firmly in my mind during all communication, and little by little the ex has been revealing herself and doesn't seem to concerned about how it looks to a judge. It's definitely a long game and that has been my approach.

Mate there is nothing more than I would love than to be an active dad, it's not in me to just walk away/

Thanks again

 

[KaraEmme]

Hey mate. We’re in the same position as you with my step daughter. She is 2 1/2 yrs at the moment though.

What we were told by our lawyer was that we needed to keep trying to gain access. As long as we were trying we won’t get blamed for abandoning her or not wanting to be involved. We send emails or texts to the last knows contact details once a month. We try and contact other family members of hers. We are finally on the right track now thank god. But just keep trying and keep a detailed communication log and print all communication out. Also start a diary to document everything that goes on. If your not on the birth certificate then I would start off by getting a court ordered DNA test done. If you don’t know then call birth death and marriages in your state and they can tell you. Once you get that then apply to start paying child support. Trust me that will go a long way with a judge if you volunteer to pay it.

Hope you get to see your child soon!!!