QLD Consequences of Having DVO Varied?

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Men are people

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6 April 2017
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The police have put a temporary protection order on me because of lies and I am going to family court for my daughter. I do not have any representation for the DVO the police want to place on me and I am still waiting on Legal Aid for the family court.

Now I don't have the money and to contest the DVO, of which the conditions are good behaviour and says nothing about staying away (not that I'd want to go near her anyway), but I don't want to consent either. I was thinking of getting the order varied and accept without admittance.

I will be asking that she stop the abusive and derogatory messages to me and my family as I have loads of messages of this nature. I am asking this forum for opinions about how this will be viewed in family court and the consequences of this plea as well as if I was to do this how do I go about it? Am I able to vary a dv order that hasn't officially been Made yet?

The police have put my biological daughter and the two step kids on the order as well as my ex partner. I am in qld and any help and opinions is much appreciated as this matter is coming up quick!
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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If you want to ask for good behaviour from your ex, you can't just ask the Court to reverse the aggrieved and respondent roles on the day. You would need to file a cross application.

My view? Don't waste your time.

I would consent without admissions conditional on your biological child being removed as a protected person, and then I would file for a parenting order with the Family Court.

Parenting orders override DVOs where communication and contact is concerned (but you still can't use a parenting order as an excuse to harass the other parent), and they also apply two-way - if your orders say communication must be respectful and only about the child, then she has to abide that as much as you do.

So why don't I think you should fight the DVO? Because the state Court takes a better-to-be-safe-than-sorry approach and upholds a very loose definition of risk. Any old argument can be considered family violence in state court, and DVOs aren't criminal matters, so it's very easy to get one made, and the Family Court, which has a much higher threshold for what it considers risk, isn't going to take much notice of a DVO consented to without admissions.

Contest it though, and you may well end up with a finding from the Court that violence has occurred - that's something Family Court is less likely to ignore.

The better option isn't to focus your time and money on a DVO that will most likely be made because that's the safest bet for the Court. The better option is to seek a parenting order that structures time with your kid, and puts boundaries on how you and your ex communicate.
 
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Men are people

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Thanks for your help, I think I'll be asking the judge on that day to put more conditions on the dvo saying there is to be no abusive texting between parties and then consent without admission.

Any other thoughts are welcome and once again cheers
 

AllForHer

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Again, you can't ask the court to treat you like the aggrieved when you are the respondent. If you want those conditions, you need to either enter into mutual undertakings in place of the DVO, or file a cross application.
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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Yep don't fight it... Accept without admission... And nope you can't ask for any restrictions be placed on the ex.

If she continues to send bullying messages, you could ask the cops for help and they will likely apply for an avo against her with you as the protected person. I'd encourage you to stay away from that option. It will only make her mad and she will make you suffer for it.

So not legal advice just life lessons here - Do not respond to abusive nonsense. Be the bigger person and let your kids see you be the better person too.

Mate my ex bad-mouthed me to all who would listen - especially the kids. Here I am a few years on, I am still in contact with some of her relatives and I get on reasonably well with them. The kids also understand the situation. It has been a bloody tough road - but the best advice I received was this - kill her with kindness.

Sadly, she isn't dead yet but the kindness has meant that all involved have seen me try to make things better and they have seen her try to make things worse and they have judged accordingly... Personally, I'd have preferred a sharper implement than kindness - but in hindsight kindness has work out all right.
 
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Rod

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Such sage advice! Made me smile as well.
 

Men are people

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Cheers mate, thinking I'm gonna accept without admission and then claim for a dvo separately because the nature of the messages towards me and my family will hold enough weight for them to do something about it... All I want is good behaviour so I can reason with her without getting abused or accused.

We are already going to family court but talking to her civilly is impossible. I'll be sitting down having a coffee and messages will come through saying how much of a price of s*** I am amongst other messages and accusing me of breaking in to her house and stealing off her kids and everything else...after finding one of the stolen pushbikes on Facebook I screenshotted and made a police statement to help their investigation I had sent her the screenshot and she came back with more abusive messages that'd make you sick about me n my family. Right or wrong she just wants to fight which I will not play into which makes her madder...

She needs to take responsibility for her actions but I just wanted to know the best way to go about it as what is going on is a touchy subject and like yous have been saying it can be damaging for my cause but still needs to be seen to as this is not for ammo..its to stop this crazy woman from abusing people care free.. 1 hopefully it stops and if she doesn't she'll be liable and 2 when it does come in front of judge he'll see the true nature of this thing....
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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You want to reason with her? You're ambitious... If you could reason with her you would not be in this predicament...

Forget the AVO on her... It will make things worse... lots worse.

So in family court you need to establish that you're prepared to work collaboratively in the best interests of the kids. Simple. Her job is to show that you guys are toxic and incapable of co- parenting and as such the kids need to have one stable home - hers... So if you get an avo out on her, she wins - you have given her the evidence she needs to prove that the relationship between you guys is not suitable to ensure that parenting can work.
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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I sympathise with your plight, but don't make the mistake of thinking the situation will improve if you throw thousands of dollars at the Court to force her compliance. The Court is an adversarial institution - it creates enemies, not friends. Even if you do get an order for good behaviour, you'll find police reluctant to enforce it where communication, even angry communication, is about the kids.

The better option is to find more constructive ways to create boundaries and emotionally manage the barrage of abuse for yourself. Tell her you will only be responding to emails about the children from here on. Rise above the drama and respond politely and respectfully only when it's necessary. Recognise when she's just trying to push your buttons. Learn about assertive communication styles. Volunteer for a post-separation parenting course.

It sucks, it probably feels like she's "getting away with it", but it'll feel worse if she reaches the real victory of having a Court order that practically ousts you from the kids' lives.