NSW Am I a bad person if I refuse my mother live in my house? Elder Abuse?

[bebrave2023]

I am 37 years old and mum of two. My mum is 61 years old. She is single. She doesn’t have any income, so she lives with me and my husband. But she wants to control everything. Every time we went holiday, we have to take her with us, because she said she is afraid to live at home by herself. And she said if she is not happy, and she will not let us happy. she always think she is the head of our family. Because She thinks she raised me and I should repay her. Now she even want to bring my grandmother(my mum’s mother) to live with us without asking me and my husband‘s permission. She thinks this is our duty and we cannot say No. she makes me feel depress and anxiety. I talked to psychologist, and the psychologist suggest me the ask my mum move out my house. But my mum said if you ask me to leave, I will sue you that you are elderly abuse. I could not handle to live with her anymore. What Can I do?

 

[Tim W]

Reply to her threats to sue you with

"Well, go on then."

In the alternative, tell she can move out herself, or
you will have her assessed with a view to being put in a residential care institution.

 

[Tim W]

I am 37 years old and mum of two. My mum is 61 years old. She is single. She doesn’t have any income, so she lives with me and my husband. But she wants to control everything. Every time we went holiday, we have to take her with us, because she said she is afraid to live at home by herself. And she said if she is not happy, and she will not let us happy. she always think she is the head of our family. Because She thinks she raised me and I should repay her. Now she even want to bring my grandmother(my mum’s mother) to live with us without asking me and my husband‘s permission. She thinks this is our duty and we cannot say No. she makes me feel depress and anxiety. I talked to psychologist, and the psychologist suggest me the ask my mum move out my house. But my mum said if you ask me to leave, I will sue you that you are elderly abuse. I could not handle to live with her anymore. What Can I do?

As a matter of law, you do not have any obligations to house and feed your mother, or your grandmother.
Nor do you have any legal obligation to "repay" anything.

Cultural traditions may say that you do. But those are not law.

 

[bebrave2023]

As a matter of law, you do not have any obligations to house and feed your mother, or your grandmother.
Nor do you have any legal obligation to "repay" anything.

Cultural traditions may say that you do. But those are not

Thank you for your reply.

as I am long time under my mum’s pressure, I have been diagnosed as severe anxiety, my psychologist suggests me to ask her leave.

But that’s so difficult for me , because I am so afraid to say No to my mum. I am afraid if I ask her leave, she will kill me. My husband told her that I have been diagnosed with anxiety. My mum dosen’t believe it. She said to my husband: “I spent my whole life and all my money to raise her. Now I don’t have any savings and I don’t have job. She thinks I am useless to her. So she just find excuse to kick me out. That’s no way!”

I feel hopeless and so scared she will do some crazy things to me if I ask her to leave.

because I have two children, I don’t want my pessimism affects my kids. So I have to pretend I am a happy mum to my kids. But I feel so tired now.

 

[Tim W]

If she is making threats, or if you feel unsafe with her in the house,
and especially if you fear violence,
then the police can remove her, and make her stay away.