VIC Abusive husband has IVO on me and wants custody of our children.

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JayBrown

Active Member
5 April 2021
6
1
33
My husband has been coercively controlling me throughout our marriage. During COVID lockdown it got really bad and I needed to do something about it so I suggested we should get counselling together which he refused. At this time, I was aware he was involved with an ex girlfriend. I caught him on his mobile phone in our bedroom having sexual relations with her over the phone. By this stage, I’d started to push back against his controlling behaviour and to stand up for myself. We’ve always had lots of arguments and yelling but they became worse in this situation where I wouldn’t back down. He recorded me yelling ( at my wits end in response to unbearable stress at his abuse) and then took out a family violence protection order against me. He told the police that I’d threatened to harm the children and that he’d found an empty bottle of Panadol on the floor that he was worried the children might have ingested under my watch. Then the DHHS got involved. He told them I was a raving drug addict. I do use marijuana recreationally for relaxation. As he has financial control, he would make deals with me where I would have to have sex with him in order that he supplied marijuana to me. Then he started growing and selling pot. Once the DHHS were involved, I saw him for what he was and told him I wanted a divorce. I left the house to stay with a friend because I was frightened of my husband and the DHHS plan was that I take respite for a few weeks and “sort myself out”. My husband said I should just come home and all this will go away, inferring that I let him take control again. I didn’t do that, and now my husband has told me he is going to doing everything he can to ruin me. The interim intervention order had three conditions on it to which I was agreeing to consent without admission. At the court hearing, my lawyer was not called despite requests to the court registrar to be notified if a presence was required (ie. to hear a case where the application had different conditions to that which was being consented to) yet the court passed an order with the full nine conditions. Which means I can’t see my kids for a year, nor can I live in my house because it is within 200m of the childcare centre where my daughter attends even though the AFMs on the order now live in a different suburb. I‘m now fronted with huge legal fees to fight this intervention order, and all the while I can’t be with my kids. And my husband is going to go for full custody. If I can’t be with my kids because of the IVO how can I demonstrate that I should have some custody of my children. My husband told me I will loose everything if I don‘t submit to him. Now it seems that is what is happening. How is he ‘winning’ with the authorities and tricking them into believing I am what he tells them I am. I know without a doubt my husband is only doing this to punish me. He doesn’t believe I would harm our children. He said so in the police statement he gave. When it was only the interim order in place, and I was away staying with my friend, he was constantly wanting me to mind the kids because he was working late or going out. A parent who was seriously worried about their children’s welfare at the hands of the parent they’d taken an IVO against surely would not ask that parent to mind them. What can I do to stop him from carrying out what’s he’s threatened to do? I just want to live in my house with my kids without him controlling me.
 

Composedrage

Member
21 February 2021
4
0
1
If you’re female? You have avenues! Your best is all you can do!
Don’t rely on lawyers!
Get cctv and anything to assist with tracking your movements!
The law is a toothless lion! FLC is a disgraceful. sickening fraud!
If for a second!? You believe that lawyers will help!? You’ve fallen for the con! It’s a business! They DON’T CARE!
The same day!
Your lawyers and his/hers are probably having drinks and discussing where the next holiday will be!
FALSE ACCUSATIONS are being used as weapons! It is CHILD ABUSE!
Again!
They don’t care!
I’ve had it all thrown at me! Proven false and nothing done to the accuser!?
Kids alienated! Never to be held/seen in 3 years! False Accusations at every turn! Assisted by police! Eager to get promoted! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
Don’t rely on police! Ignorant, feminist influenced, leftist, revenue raising, incompetent morons! Is exactly what I encountered! Taking reporting to AFP & ASIO in regards to the pathetic behaviour and actions of police in my situation! I now have NO RESPECT/TRUST in these lying bastards!
DO NOT KID YOURSELF!
Other than those closest!?
YOUR ON YOUR OWN!
Don’t quit!
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,634
663
2,894
Or ignore that rant.

So nope you don't have to wait for the IVO to end.

Two options.
1. Call Relationships Australia or any other govt subsidised mediation provider to organise mediation. This will take weeks. It is the slow cheap option.
2. Get a solicitor to write to him asking for him to contact them to discuss getting you time with the kids and permission for you to contact him via text message only for the purposes of arranging time with the kids. This is the fast option / expensive option. It will probably cost less than a grand.

BUT you must always remember that any text message you send could be seen by a judge. So don't get into any text message war. Be very precise with your words.

Ok so it feels like he is winning. Yep. Been there. But family law is marathon not a sprint. So is parenting and by the sounds of things he is probably struggling doing it all on his own.

Next - no more pot. You might need to provide a pee sample... So no more drugs.

Final two things.
1.Please take this criticism as well intended. I nearly didn't bother to read your first post. It is a huge wall of words. Sorry I'm an English teacher. It really is easier to read if there are paragraphs it just makes it heaps easier to read.
2. Stay calm. I"ve been where you are. It would be super easy to do something dumb. Don't. Doing nothing right now is the best thing. Dont call him, text him, drive past the house, don't do drugs. Don't drink so you don't get drunk and do something impulsive. Do NOTHING.... But do get professional help from a dr or psychologist.
Stay calm
 

Composedrage

Member
21 February 2021
4
0
1
Relationships Australia!?
Mediation?
The persons that are telling you this garbage!!? Are the people who DON’T have a clue of what situation “You” are truly in!?
Mediation is absolutely useless in circumstances that have narcissistic abusers.
TRUTH! It comes with verifiable/credibile facts and are the cornerstone of justifying your self!
You can listen to all these Glorified academics! Go to mediation!
After all that effort!? You’ll have wasted years and have gotten nothing more than frustration!
You are truly, the only person that knows your situation.
Relying solely on the systems in place is a pathetic joke on Australian’s and their children!
The FLC! Is an abhorrent Fraud and is destroying families across Australia!
Children deserve better!
Best wishes to you!
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,634
663
2,894
Or ignore that rant.
Composedrage - give some advice. Make some suggestions but coming here and ranting whilst giving no solution to how this person might be able to move forward is a waste of her time, your time and my time and the time of anyone else who stumbles across this thread. Again, give advice or don't bother typing at all.
 

Composedrage

Member
21 February 2021
4
0
1
Or ignore that rant.
Composedrage - give some advice. Make some suggestions but coming here and ranting whilst giving no solution to how this person might be able to move forward is a waste of her time, your time and my time and the time of anyone else who stumbles across this thread. Again, give advice or don't bother typing at all.
Sammy!
The advice your giving is the repugnant and repetitive revolving door of FAILURE , spewing out the mouths of lawyers & aligned greedy corrupt entities of FLC business model!
Given that I have ongoing, repeated false/perjured allegations labeled against myself! Knowing that EVERYTHING you have said is ABSOLUTELY GARBAGE, the best advice!? However unfortunate and sadly disappointing it may seem!? Is to protect yourself!
I’ve Federal Orders, half a dozen times! A Dozen plus mediations!? All have been breached and NEVER has anything been done! Some as I’ve walked out the doors!? Laughed at, saying! “ Get your cash ready”!? Knowing that legal aid lawyers will do as they are told! Greedy for the big/easy cash ! Escalating til the point of bankruptcy!? I have FEDERAL ORDERS , for full family psychiatric assessments! after perjured allegations of attempted murder/beheadings etc etc been ignored and cast aside by “ INCOMPETENT FEDERAL MAGISTRATES “! Leaving 4 children in an abusive/destructive environment!
Fact “SAMMY” is that the system you’re pushing this lady down is as corrupt and incompetent as the ignorance of the Government to ignore the demands for a ROYAL COMMISSION into family law courts and its cohorts!
The only way I have avoided be falsely imprisoned is by “as advised by lawyer” security cctv! Of which you can use to your defence!
If this lady has someone that is of the same mindset??? She has to first save herself before she can do anything else!! Her x bloke sounds very unstable to say the least!? And I ! Have an extensive history and experience on dealing with scum!
Options?
•composer, Truth & your integrity No.1
•Limited! Unless she has free legal!
• security cctv
• move on with life, it’s extremely hard! Alternatively is the place of darkness of which no one wins!

So what are your personal experiences Sammy! the school teacher!? Where does your knowledge come from!? Text book, news, practical first hand!???
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,634
663
2,894
U'm you're only advice is CCTV? But this woman is no longer near the kids. There is nothing to film? Three posts from you and only one half piece of arguably useful advice.

So you wanna attack me. legal studies teacher, so studied some law subjects, yep text books. Read heaps after getting shafted by an avo.
So while I'm sitting around not seeing my kids I read lots, learned lots. Self represented for some of my stuff and use solicitors for others. I now have court orders that say "the children shall live with their father". Is that practical first hand experience enough for you?
Or you can tell this woman to write to a politician demanding a royal commission. Get her to WRITE IT IN CAPITALS. liKE yOu did. But it ain't gonna help her see her kids and your rants have probably scared her off anyways
 

appleton

Well-Known Member
24 November 2019
29
0
121
Sammy!
The advice your giving is the repugnant and repetitive revolving door of FAILURE , spewing out the mouths of lawyers & aligned greedy corrupt entities of FLC business model!
Given that I have ongoing, repeated false/perjured allegations labeled against myself! Knowing that EVERYTHING you have said is ABSOLUTELY GARBAGE, the best advice!? However unfortunate and sadly disappointing it may seem!? Is to protect yourself!
I’ve Federal Orders, half a dozen times! A Dozen plus mediations!? All have been breached and NEVER has anything been done! Some as I’ve walked out the doors!? Laughed at, saying! “ Get your cash ready”!? Knowing that legal aid lawyers will do as they are told! Greedy for the big/easy cash ! Escalating til the point of bankruptcy!? I have FEDERAL ORDERS , for full family psychiatric assessments! after perjured allegations of attempted murder/beheadings etc etc been ignored and cast aside by “ INCOMPETENT FEDERAL MAGISTRATES “! Leaving 4 children in an abusive/destructive environment!
Fact “SAMMY” is that the system you’re pushing this lady down is as corrupt and incompetent as the ignorance of the Government to ignore the demands for a ROYAL COMMISSION into family law courts and its cohorts!
The only way I have avoided be falsely imprisoned is by “as advised by lawyer” security cctv! Of which you can use to your defence!
If this lady has someone that is of the same mindset??? She has to first save herself before she can do anything else!! Her x bloke sounds very unstable to say the least!? And I ! Have an extensive history and experience on dealing with scum!
Options?
•composer, Truth & your integrity No.1
•Limited! Unless she has free legal!
• security cctv
• move on with life, it’s extremely hard! Alternatively is the place of darkness of which no one wins!

So what are your personal experiences Sammy! the school teacher!? Where does your knowledge come from!? Text book, news, practical first hand!???

Composedrage, I am at a loss as to what you are trying to achieve with your rants, aside from projecting your own issues onto others.
Attacking other people who are providing advice is unnecessary, frankly - childish.

I have received very beneficial advice from this website, it has saved us thousands of dollars in legal fees, and different a different prospectus/approach to how to deal with out situation that has meant that we have less stress in our lives.

JayBrown - i hope that you get the support that you need
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
1,664
223
2,394
nor can I live in my house because it is within 200m of the childcare centre where my daughter attends even though the AFMs on the order now live in a different suburb.
If the child no longer attends that CC Centre, you could apply to have the order varied so that you can move back into your home. See a lawyer or talk to court registry about the application, appropriate forms & fees.