NSW Absent Father Wanting Custody of Children - Possible Outcome?

[Mumee]

as you seem to know your stuff ,,
quick question, i agreed to him coming this weekend , him (supervised with his parents as they live closish by to me) can have friday through to sunday.
but if its going to court.
is it in my best interest to just cease contact until i see him there, or give him these nights consistantly fortnightly of whatever.. (im thinking, if they see i gve him forntightly weekends they will grant him forntightly , however, she is so young and he is literally a stranger toher and i never beenn away for 2 nights from her and so will be VERY scary for both her and myself too and really realyl dont want her to be away for 2 nights so often as i think she is too young.. but he cant undertstand that and thinks its all spite (and its only like 10[percent spite 90percent my daufghters benefit) coz i would rather the courts chooes what they belive is suitable for her at her age seeing as im her primary carer than they be swayed with our already agreement that i dont like.
thankyou

 

[sammy01]

So. I will leave you to answer your question. I will re phrase it for you. If this goes to court and dad gets up and says he travelled down from qld because YOU said he could have the kid frim friday through to sunday... he books tickets etc and u change your mind a few days before the visit is gonna happen. How is that gonna look?good or bad? If he is willing to fly down every second weekend at his own expense that shows he wants t9 be there for this kid. Why get in the way of that?

 

[Mumee]

but it wont last long, he doesnt have the funds to sustain it and he will get bored when he realises its not a fantasy anymore

 

[sammy01]

Ok so u are not interested in advice... u want someone to agree with you...

Sorry i am not that guy. You asked how it would look in court if you offered him fri through to sunday. It would look good. It shows you are keen on having him be part of the childs life...

If u change your mind it will look bad. OH AND are u prepared to pay him for the travel costs he has already paid? Didnt think so.

 

[Nonfiction]

Maybe something that could be considered also...you have said dads parents do not live very far from your home? The visits would take place at their house? If dad could not afford to come down every other week, and just every 4...maybe child could still stay with their paternal grandparents? A regular routine that enables child to bond with both dad and paternal family?

If it goes to court...and presumption of parentage is established...from what you have said here, some form of time with dad will more than likely be ordered. Dad couldn’t exactly be “involved” in rais8ng yourvchild when you moved interstate while pregnant and there is distance. You’re right, not illegal or anything to move when pregnant...but has still reduced opportunities for him to see the child and be more hands on...you also say he can’t afford to travel down much. My view is...try as hard as you can to work something out without needing to go to court...court really isn’t much fun!

 

[Mumee]

Ok so u are not interested in advice... u want someone to agree with you...

Sorry i am not that guy. You asked how it would look in court if you offered him fri through to sunday. It would look good. It shows you are keen on having him be part of the childs life...

If u change your mind it will look bad. OH AND are u prepared to pay him for the travel costs he has already paid? Didnt think so.

sorry i didnt mean it like that, i was adding to what i meant so i would get an accurate opinion on the outcome,
so i want it to be seen that i am co operating with him however he is not what is best as they will see how he has done this a few times,
and yes of course, if he were to fly down and then have me refuse the visit i would of course re imburse for the flight, asi would expect him to do for me.
and yes i did say he was having supervised visits, as he is to stay at his parents place so he wont have to pay for accomodation each time, has aready been sortred. however, his relationship with them is estranged,, sinse alot of incidents have gone down even before i fell pregnant, i have had a good relationship with them and see them very often with their grandchild but he also wont have that luxury for long.

i guess im asking, will the\y grant him more time if i stick to fortnightly and (he may quit before we get there ) Ihe sticks it out
OR is it better to just wait till the judge decudes whats best?

 

[Mumee]

and it was abit haste to get so snappy, you had mis interpreted the way i said something, which is easly done over text.
starting to see why you have those types of reviews..

 

[Mumee]

Maybe something that could be considered also...you have said dads parents do not live very far from your home? The visits would take place at their house? If dad could not afford to come down every other week, and just every 4...maybe child could still stay with their paternal grandparents? A regular routine that enables child to bond with both dad and paternal family?

If it goes to court...and presumption of parentage is established...from what you have said here, some form of time with dad will more than likely be ordered. Dad couldn’t exactly be “involved” in rais8ng yourvchild when you moved interstate while pregnant and there is distance. You’re right, not illegal or anything to move when pregnant...but has still reduced opportunities for him to see the child and be more hands on...you also say he can’t afford to travel down much. My view is...try as hard as you can to work something out without needing to go to court...court really isn’t much fun!

yes, he is going to be having supervised visits, as he is to stay at his parents place so he wont have to pay for accomodation each time, has aready been sortred. however, his relationship with them is estranged,, sinse alot of incidents have gone down even before i fell pregnant, i have had a good relationship with them and see them very often with their grandchild but he also wont have that luxury for long.

i guess im asking, will the\y grant him more time if i stick to fortnightly and (he may quit before we get there ) Ihe sticks it out
OR is it better to just wait till the judge decudes whats best?

 

[sammy01]

Offering time then changing your mind is going to see you in court more so than being reasonable.
It is reasonable for you to stick to an agreement that you made. Simple.

 

[SamanthaJay]

Your child is 15 months and has had little contact with her father. He would like to see her fortnightly? To start with, I think I would offer fortnightly visits (at his parents) but not overnight - so you drop child off or they pick her up in the morning and they return her to your care in the afternoon for the couple of days that he is staying at his parents. She is still only young and I'm not sure if she's had overnights away from you yet? If he is consistent with visiting and building a relationship with the child then you could progress to overnight stays within a certain period of time. Start with one night and then two when you both think she is ready for it.

It certainly sounds like he wants to have a relationship with his daughter but is just going about it the wrong way. Hopefully he'll be mature enough to understand what is best for his daughter and that you are trying to do the right thing by her.

Good luck, I hope you can come to an agreement without going to court.