NSW Absent Father Wanting Custody of Children - Possible Outcome?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Mumee, 10 July 2018.

  1. Mumee

    Mumee Well-Known Member

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    Long story short:

    Father of my now 15 months old daughter is giving me a headache. He was uncontactable at birth, and he contacted me after 4 months to meet his child - I agreed. Since, he has come down maybe 4 weekends, all ending in arguments.

    A few weeks ago, he wanted to come down again. I refused due to late notice and I have not been well lately and wasn't up for it. He now reckons he wants full custody of children (I am aware that will never happen), however what could the outcome be?

    If he were to take matters further, what would be the process?

    He surely would have to get his name on the birth certificate, right? Then proceed on filing the 60i certificate to the courts? When would I be notified?

    He reckons it's already in process, I'm not convinced as he says a lot of s**t he thinks I don't know, but it can't be possible for some sort of custody thing happening about a child (not even legally his yet as he is not on the birth certificate) without notifying the mother?

    Some info; he lives in a different state and hadn't made too much effort in being in her life. Plus I have advocates to show how hard I tried to contact him for the birth, good relationship with his parents, and the work I've done for him to see his child, such as booking his flights down (not paying) and letting him stay on the spare bed when he couldn't afford or find accommodation.

    I've always been reachable to him, and he won't even answer my calls and just blocks me on everything. Also, I created a parenting plan for consistent visitation as he refused to do so. He then rejected my agreement and refused a counter offer.
     
  2. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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  3. Mumee

    Mumee Well-Known Member

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    He was not present therefore couldn't get him in n the cert because I can't sign for him. Tried for months to have him on but after (if I rwmbreme correctly) 60days you incur a fine. So I am only parent on there.
    We already have the cert after mediation not working so it's his decision to go to court with the 60i cert. as stated before (already have it sorry if it wasn't clear )
     
  4. Mumee

    Mumee Well-Known Member

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    So if you have any knowledge of the process and when I'll be notified once he sends the certificate in? And what the outcome may be.

     
  5. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    So he would have to apply to court and have his application served on you... I reckon he won't bother.
    With a very young child he wont get custody. Not unless you have failed to mention something... You're not an ice addict that tried to sell the child to the butcher are you?
    Didn't think so. So dont worry about him getting custody.

    So What about access.. He would possibly get a slow increase in his time starting with 2-4 short visits a week, but not overnight. If he cant do that because of geography, that is his problem.

    Did you move away or did he?

    Do a google search for Jen McIntoch, her research on young kids in two homes is well respected.. Look she is often quoted and mis-quoted on forums like this. I'll give you an absolute shortened version of my understanding of her work.
    Short visits for young kids.... Overnights can start at about the age of 1 and more than 4 is a bad idea until the age of 3... But everything is dependent on a range of circumstances.
    Family law is not one size fits all.
    So would you leave the kid with your mum overnight at this point? or another trusted adult? Well then you can leave the kid with dad.

    Some more ramblings that you might wanna consider
    Be reasonable.
    Document everything.
    Listen to as much advice as you can, but make your on choices. Forums like this are great but you're likely to get a range of opinions and lots of people thinking their opinion is more right than everyone elses...
    IF he applies to court call legal aid, you might be a suitable applicant for a legal aid grant from them.

    Relax.
     
  6. Mumee

    Mumee Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou. I had moved before baby was born. Therefore civil matter not family and completly legal. Child was born with me in NSW .
    I hnesyhon dooont thnk he cares for the child but is being urged to seek for custody or seeing her from his peers in qld as they knew he was going to be a father and now he doesn't have the kid with him (first 6months or so he claimed to his friends it was never his) to save face obvs and understandablle. No one is gonna admit " just felt like not being a dad in the end"
    And now saying I'm stopping him from seeing her coz of last denial .
    I don't want him in my life however my daughter deserves a father . But I also believe he won't stick around or bother to move for her.. therefore would rather he not put me through this head ache only to once again leave in the end and then me having to chase him for consent on things as he most likely then be on birth cert .only reason I rekon this MAY actually.go forth is because his parents now are on his side (I have given them plenty of access to their grandchildren throyghout the year but things suddenly changed , I can Only assume the father ofy child is telling more stories and now they ngry with me? Not sure. bit they will do all the work for him. And all he will have to do is show up to court.
    To be quite honest. I am a good mother I believe. I live a healthy doet, workout, live on my own, (mind you when I left him in Qld was with the clothes on my back and $300 in the bank LITERALLY. my mum bought my flight home and I then started from scratch to which I now even have a car and savings) work twice a week , family is very involved mine andy daughters life and have many mum friends with kids similar age. HWVER
    I don't consider myself a bad person for this, but I am disappointed and ashmeda but I know that no one is perfect and they are lieing if they say they are.
    I have old friends from when I used to live here still smoking pot and a few weeks ago plus 2 pthro occasions I have shared a joint with them (not whilst my child was around) yes I know.. bad bad .but I don't believe I'm the only one out there, and I know there are much worse. Doesnt excuse it but hoping a judge would not use that against me,, even so. Pretty sure he would be doing worse off
    ..but.doseant have care of child so maybe it makes it possible for him
    Thankyou
     
  7. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Did you know you were pregnant when you left?
    Did he know?
    Did he agree?
     
  8. Mumee

    Mumee Well-Known Member

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    Yes. From the start he was fully supportive. I even gave him an "out" as I was ready to have this child and as it wasn't planned (and wasnt really in a relationship before this.) And told gim I'd never bother him if he chose the out as I did not want to impose his life in a choice that.i alrwdya made for myeelf that no one could change .
    Throughout the following months things took a turn and my home life with him was NO envirnenvir for a child. I grew up with abusive in and out father (reasons why I left and worry he will be in and out and cause my daughter issues similar to mine from it) basically my experience -no father issues is less damaging than in and out issues-
    My opinion from my experience obviously people may think otherwise however I believe this and therefor want what i believe to be less damaging . I had given him plenty of warnings that if tginga would not change I would lleave to Sydney. He did not take anything I said seriously . I left at 26weeks pregnant
    But nothing before the child is born counts towards the actual life time of the child so none of it really matters In the law.i
    don't think. Nor would I have anything worthy of showing like proof of much except receipst from flughts? And I know the landlord of the house we lived in. They would have info on what he did with my assets . . I kmow from talking to them shortly after something went dodgy..
     
  9. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    So earlier on u mentioned that dad asked to see the kid but u refusex as u were too tired.
    Did dad travel down from qld only to be denied access?
     
  10. Mumee

    Mumee Well-Known Member

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    with lack of proof from all this except my word against him though,, does it matter you think?
    no he was denied before he came down, however he will claim one time he came and "apparently" i was supposedd to meet him in the city with a 4mo (2buses about 1hour and half both ways) for the day. we had discussed this but i strongly denied doing the travel and he would have to come here, (keep in mind a baby at that aggee needs ample naps and feeds (breastfeeding half and half bottle) and a whole day of travel and in the city with no bed to sleep (other than try the pram, which isnt exactly ideal) plus carry everything a child needs , even the little things, just in case im caught withut something so far from it a home and on the buses and walks is a BIG day for a new mom and newborn.. something he couldnt really comprehend as in his mind "i can go a day in the city, why cant you?" and yes he caught a an hours flight but he really should have done the travel all the way considering he never even uttered a word about any remorse for not being there for his child or the one who been taking care of her the whole time..
    he claims we agreed but i definatlyy did not, and then he claims he flew down and flew back, however, not convinced of this and have reason to believe so..

    but without much proof? would anyone care?
     
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