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Temujin

Active Member
22 November 2015
11
0
31
Thanks.

At this point, I am wondering if the main concern I filed is actually documented with the courts, at which point it should be much smoother sailing. The ex-partner of wife's best friend has made death threats to both of them, and, of course, I have strong evidence to suggest that she has in fact moved to be much closer and increase time with this friend. It is all down in DVs, and he was in custody as recently as October for breaching his order, at which point I am hoping this is all recorded in the statement to get him locked up.

I do of course wonder about the potential for DV orders and such. After all, restricting somebody's rights to have a relationship with a member of their family is, of course, family violence. By taking a 2.5-year-old from her sleep to cease all contact with her father, is, of course, the pure definition of this. Not to mention the emotional abuse involved in using a child so young to inflict pain on myself, because of a failed relationship.

The only correspondence I have received so far, suggests that this is all to do with her own feelings and nothing to do with our daughter.

There is no arguing around whether it is or it isn't, but if I took that to court, 2 things would happen. 1, I would be laughed out of court. And 2, I would be seen as vindictive against my partner, and seeing as that action is not in the best interests of the child, it would go against me.

The system is a strange beast. Women are openly encouraged to take the exact actions that she has taken. Even encouraged to get a DV order immediately to increase chances of winning in court, if the time delay getting it there isn't already a case closer. Of course, the same steps are not suggested for a man, and if I was to have taken these actions, I would indeed be open for a DV order against me, and probably would be restricted to supervised visits.

Considering the main issues in our relationship were due to her "daddy" issues, it is a strange thing to then want your daughter to have no relationship with her father. The last time wife's dad was in town, he looked her in the eye and told her "you are worthless and you were nothing until a man came along". She has copped this since she was 12 years old from him.

Of course, I have dealt with her attitude that "I don't need anybody and I am going to go out of my way to prove it", for the entire relationship. I never really stood a chance in hindsight.


But either way, I am going for interim orders of 3 days me, 2 days her, with basically open contact whenever she so chooses when my girl is in my care, and final orders of 4 days me 2 days her, with the same no restrictions in place. Because I know straight up if she is living with me, she gets a relationship with both parents. Living with her mother, I will have to fight and beg for the rest of her childhood to even get to speak to her.

Hopefully, it all comes out as it should and it gives her the kick in the ass she needs to get over herself and start thinking about her children.

It is a sick world that we live in, and this is a cycle that will be tough to break.
 

Temujin

Active Member
22 November 2015
11
0
31
Ok. An update.

I had my day in court, and realised just what a sick state of affairs the system really is.

67 pages of mine that were enough to get into court on day 24, went out of my way to serve her and give her full disclosure, and she turned up with all information.

She claimed domestic violence from me against her, in regards to "controlling behaviour". As far as I can tell the judge was suggesting, and that was that. She suggested she would be prepared to offer me 2 hours supervised visits per week. She also claimed this was because she had to "flee a domestic violence situation into hiding in a high security DV refuge". She also then, to take the piss completely, suggested she wanted to be the one at the supervised visits. The Judge said it was probably counterproductive, so agreed with her mother. The next court date would have arrived before any contact centre would be available.

2 hours supervised for the record, is about what parents get when they have sexually abused their children, yet I received the same due to appearance of "controlling behaviour" in text messages.

I decided though, to the best of my ability, to take this as a positive. Very hard to do, but need something to keep me fighting. All the legal opinions said to sit tight and relax, and you will get your day in court. Mediation wait list in 3 months, another 2-3 to get to court, and then 2 to get into a contact centre, would have seen me at around July before any contact, at which point, it would have been 2 hours supervised.

At this point, February court date, following a family consultation/report, with my daughter getting her own "independent children's lawyer".

It is a shattering experience to have 4 years of truth diminished into nothing because a mother stands up and makes a ridiculous claim. And for the record, she was at my contact, for nearly 3/4 of an hour. Still no DV order in place, yet in high security refuge.

Playing the system hard, and the system allows it. Absolute joke that outside of physical violence, abusing a child's rights to cause the ultimate emotional abuse of a loving father, which is the ultimate in domestic violence, is a right of women.

There is no onus of proof, and zero reason, or suggestion that my daughter is nothing but in a safe stable environment, just that the mother wants to control the situation through a broken system, yet I am "domestically violent"....

Hoping that continuing to only concern myself with the things that are in my control, and being simply aware of things that aren't, and the truth will come out.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
5,154
721
2,894
Welcome to the family law system.

So this is the single best bit of help I ever got. Always remember that the aim of the game is the maximum amount of time with your kid. Now start doing everything within the constraints of the law to make that happen.

So if it is 2 hours of supervised visits, smile and nod. If the ex is gonna accuse you of being aggressive - don't argue. Because if you do, she will say "see, he is arguing, told you he was aggressive". Learn to play the game and play it better than her....

Mate - the system isn't broken. I think there are good systems in place in this country to protect victims of DV. I also think the family law act is pretty ok. And yes the system is terribly slow, but even that ain't a bad thing. But within any system there are flaws and cracks and if someone is willing to exploit the system to their advantage, well that is their choice.

In my experience, those who exploit the system can often find themselves caught out in one way or another. So while the system is slow, it also means that it provides more time for dishonest people to be caught out. So one thing that concerns be about something that you posted very early on is that you're a professional gambler. No worries - but just make sure that you are paying child support.

I can only imagine that you must have a substantial cash in hand income. I'd be worried about how that might pan out when under scrutiny for asset division and you don't want the ex claiming that you're not paying your dues as far as child support goes.
 

smallcat

Well-Known Member
8 January 2020
33
0
121
Hi Temujin,

How's your case going? I am facing a similar situation which my wife took my 2-yo daughter to "somewhere" without telling me.

Police said the same thing that they can't do anything, because they called her and she said "everything is OK"...

What is my option now to "recover" my daughter?