Family Court - Family Court Orders Taking Too Long

[NeverEverGiveUp]

I am still waiting for final orders to be outlined by the judge in my family court matter. The trial was 15 months ago and no family court orders have been handed down. I regularly email the registry, and they can't tell me when I will receive judgement. I have emailed the judges associates and they say same thing as the registry. I have contacted ICL about the children being in limbo land for far to long now and he replied that he agreed and would support me in a complaint to law society about the judge's pace at making the order.

Now after another letter to ICL with evidence showing the children are regularly sick, have contracted a virus which is one closely related to the herpes virus family (and is unexplained by father how this life-long virus was contracted by our 5-year-old) and also asking ICL when he will be following up on the contact, Centre's strongly suggested need of children to attend an appropriate counsellor or psychologist service to help them deal with the major shift in living arrangements (which occurred in trial 15 months back).

The father is refusing to take them to a mental health professional and rarely attends a doctor with the children unless an infection is so badly out of control that no other option but antibiotics will clear up. The children needs a voice and the ICL is no longer responding to me and I haven't got a lawyer. I self-represented through a 5-day trial and the result was the children suffering the shift in living arrangements. Now they only see me every fortnight for a two hour period.

How can I get the point across to judge at this stage of the matter that children are being mistreated, especially the emotional abuse they are dealing with? How do I apply for legal aid to get representation this time so that I'm not again disadvantaged if I can somehow be able to get before a judge again, especially since we still have no orders to somewhat settle our and our children's lives on?

Any help to see that my 3 children (all under 8 years of age) are properly cared for and able to access services available to them and be heard rather than the current situation the father puts them through which is completely ignorant and total alienation of me to them. He refuses any request of time I ask to spend with them and even this Mother's Day he has ignored my pleas of contact (as no order is stipulated for them to spend any time with me on Mother's Day due to the lack in any final order).

Please, please guide me in the right direction for the children's best interests to be met

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, so...I'm going to be pretty blunt here, and I apologise in advance because you are not going to like what you read.

Your overarching question is 'How can I get my point across to the Judge?

My answer is: You had five days of trial to get your point across to the Judge. That's a very long trial by Court standards, and at the end of it, the Judge still wasn't persuaded. To the contrary, it seems you convinced the Judge that the children shouldn't see you very often at all.

Now, if I were in your position, I would be asking myself at this point what I did wrong.

Your first issue, I would say, is your contempt toward the father. You lack perspective about the reality of this situation because you're too focused on complaining about him.

As one example, the court saw fit to grant you no more than two hours a fortnight to spend with your kids, yet you still seem to think that you have more authority than the father to know how the kids are settling into the current living arrangement, or if they need to see a mental health professional. Clearly, the father is in a better position than you are to assess whether the kids need counselling.

As another example, you have not-so-discreetly implied the father has exposed the five-year-old to unsavoury activities, which is why the child has contracted 'a virus closely related to' herpes. Whether you can admit to it or not, your intention with that comment was to lead your audience to believe the child has contracted genital herpes from sexual abuse, but I don't think that's actually the case. I think it's more likely the child has contracted cold sores or warts, both of which are caused by herpes simplex, both of which are very common, both of which can be picked up from sharing a cup or holding hands with a kid at prep, and neither of which are an indication of abuse, or even of bad parenting. This whole statement is just being critical but brings nothing of substance to the table.

As another example, you have complained that the father doesn't take them to the doctor often enough, but what I think you mean is that he doesn't take them as often as you want him to. Neither do a lot of parents, because a lot of parents already know that doctors won't do much for very young children except advise paracetamol and bed rest. A parent with any insight at all as to when their child is ill doesn't need to waste time and medical centre resources for that advice.

Your position is precarious, and if you continue refusing to see any error in your own behaviour, if you continue blaming the father, the judge, the ICL, the family report writer without ever asking if maybe the issue is you, then your position is only going to get worse.

Get some counselling. Do a parenting course. Learn to co-parent. That's how you get your point across to the judge.