Hello.
I see from all the post you get an honest answer here, emotions cut out which I really need.
Long story short, without my personal feelings, I have two kids - 1.5year girl and 3.5year old boy. I separated from my partner 20 months ago. We live 1200km apart. When I was asked to leave, I had no family and he encouraged and gave his permission to move to live with the family.
Since the separation, for 8 months, he refused to talk to, see or Skype with the kids. I'd ask repeatedly as my eldest clearly missed him and asked for him. After 8 months went by, I got a tad upset by his total disconnection from the kids and rang him up and gave him what for, he still didn't care.
A month later, he'd advised me he was seeing someone and she's forcing him to start making contact with the kids. We started with Skype for the first few months. It was twice a week, then it dwindled to once a week and now it's maybe twice a month. He's seen the kids twice in the last 20 months. One occasion, he came to see them for 2 night and the other I travelled close to him for a funeral and stopped in his town for a few nights.
After this, nothing changed in his interest to talk or see them. Then for some reason 5 months ago, he demands that they fly to come see them. I said no, as my eldest refuses to even look at him on Skype and I don't know how he will cope in a house she doesn't know, with a father he really has no relationship with.
We have done 3 mediation session in the time since. All I've asked is that for the next 6 to 12 months that he makes the effort to come here and see them to build the trust and a relationship with them. I've also asked that there be no overnight visits for the first few times he comes and then if the kids seem fine with him, then I'm happy for overnight stays. I said I'm very flexible with when he can come as he has family and work commitments.
At every session, he speaks nothing of our girl, only the boy. He doesn't want the girl, he just wants the boy and refuses to even see the kids' side in this that they might not be comfortable been with him after such a long time. He said, "I don't care. The boy needs to suck it up and learn".
I've said if he comes here, he can see the kids no problems. He's now threatened me that he's taking me to family court as I'm denying him of a meaningful relationship with his kids. I feel like I've done everything to encourage the relationship and he refuses to participate. Now I'm denying him of a meaningful relationship which I know a judge will look really poorly on.
I have denied him to take the kids or our son to his home, I admit that, but I've never denied him phone calls, Skype or for him to come here where his kids live to see them.
I spoke to a lawyer, maybe a year ago and due to the kids' age, she said that a judge would most likely say that he's to travel to see them in their hometown, but they are older now would that have changed?
The mediator pulled me aside and said that he felt iI needed to be advised of long distance parenting (which after he read it to me he didn't know himself). He read to me some facts that more or less said kids aged, I think, 2 or 2.5 to 5, it's recommended that the distance parent travel to the child and they have access to the child for 2 or 3 days and that overnights is case by case. He didn't know what to say after that.
Do you believe I've been reasonable?
Thank you in advance
I see from all the post you get an honest answer here, emotions cut out which I really need.
Long story short, without my personal feelings, I have two kids - 1.5year girl and 3.5year old boy. I separated from my partner 20 months ago. We live 1200km apart. When I was asked to leave, I had no family and he encouraged and gave his permission to move to live with the family.
Since the separation, for 8 months, he refused to talk to, see or Skype with the kids. I'd ask repeatedly as my eldest clearly missed him and asked for him. After 8 months went by, I got a tad upset by his total disconnection from the kids and rang him up and gave him what for, he still didn't care.
A month later, he'd advised me he was seeing someone and she's forcing him to start making contact with the kids. We started with Skype for the first few months. It was twice a week, then it dwindled to once a week and now it's maybe twice a month. He's seen the kids twice in the last 20 months. One occasion, he came to see them for 2 night and the other I travelled close to him for a funeral and stopped in his town for a few nights.
After this, nothing changed in his interest to talk or see them. Then for some reason 5 months ago, he demands that they fly to come see them. I said no, as my eldest refuses to even look at him on Skype and I don't know how he will cope in a house she doesn't know, with a father he really has no relationship with.
We have done 3 mediation session in the time since. All I've asked is that for the next 6 to 12 months that he makes the effort to come here and see them to build the trust and a relationship with them. I've also asked that there be no overnight visits for the first few times he comes and then if the kids seem fine with him, then I'm happy for overnight stays. I said I'm very flexible with when he can come as he has family and work commitments.
At every session, he speaks nothing of our girl, only the boy. He doesn't want the girl, he just wants the boy and refuses to even see the kids' side in this that they might not be comfortable been with him after such a long time. He said, "I don't care. The boy needs to suck it up and learn".
I've said if he comes here, he can see the kids no problems. He's now threatened me that he's taking me to family court as I'm denying him of a meaningful relationship with his kids. I feel like I've done everything to encourage the relationship and he refuses to participate. Now I'm denying him of a meaningful relationship which I know a judge will look really poorly on.
I have denied him to take the kids or our son to his home, I admit that, but I've never denied him phone calls, Skype or for him to come here where his kids live to see them.
I spoke to a lawyer, maybe a year ago and due to the kids' age, she said that a judge would most likely say that he's to travel to see them in their hometown, but they are older now would that have changed?
The mediator pulled me aside and said that he felt iI needed to be advised of long distance parenting (which after he read it to me he didn't know himself). He read to me some facts that more or less said kids aged, I think, 2 or 2.5 to 5, it's recommended that the distance parent travel to the child and they have access to the child for 2 or 3 days and that overnights is case by case. He didn't know what to say after that.
Do you believe I've been reasonable?
Thank you in advance