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QLD Custody of Children - Refusing Ex Access to Children - Thoughts?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Tee609, 17 December 2015.

  1. Tee609

    Tee609 Active Member

    17 December 2015
    Likes Received:

    I'm wanting some experiences as well as personal opinions on someone who doesn't know me or my ex and can tell me if you think what I'm doing is wrong. I know it's probably a typical story.

    My husband and I separated 9 months ago. He was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant and while we were trying to get pregnant with numerous women. One day he tells me he thinks I should go to my family in NSW. He needed a break. We lived in QLD. Whilst I was gone, I found out from neighbours he had women at our house.

    I came back trying stupidly to fix our marriage, something of which he had no interest in doing but would say maybe in the future. I had been gone a month in that month he never once asked to speak to his child. I tried over and over to say, "does he want to facetime?" or over the phone. It's always, "I'm too busy" or tired or he doesn't talk to me so "what's the point?".

    When I came back, he used excuses to be busy every weekend for the whole two weeks I was there and that he had to stay in the city for work. I later found out he was staying with his mistress. In the two weeks I was home, he spent maybe 2 days all up with his child, showing very little interest.

    I came back to NSW (I have no family or friends in QLD, hence, why I'm in NSW). It's since been about 7.5 months down here. In the first 6 months, he had zip interest in his child and then children when the new one was born. He always had an excuse to not facetime or talk on the phone. and trust me, I tried and tried.

    The last month, he has gotten a massive bee in his bonnet after he came down for a visit with his child and we had a massive altercation. I was calm the whole time, but he hurled abuse at me in my home in front of our kids and honestly if my neighbours were home, they would have or must have heard everything. He threatened to take the older child and physically took that child and put him in his car. He threatened that if I were a guy he would have kicked my arse and beat me up.

    I didn't report his behaviour as if I did, he would then have for sure come and done something to me. Since then, he has been all about wanting his kids and wanting to facetime them. On one side, I'm happy he's making an effort. On the other, I can't understand the sudden interest.

    At the same time, I learned from friends that he's been running around telling people I took his child without his permission and that I was very depressed before I left. All of which are lies. I had him sign to say that, yes, I could take his child away, and I left more heartbroken with what he had done then got depressed. He suddenly became very nice towards me and texts and calls were very specifically written and calls were very friendly from his normal rude abrasive manner. Someone pointed out to me he's going to try and get full custody of children of the kids.

    My husband has been smoking weed for many, many years and very excessively. So much that he will just be awake one moment talking and you ask something and get no answer because he's asleep. His new girlfriend I've been told also does drugs and they both drink a lot. I understand that it's not proof and it's facts based on what other people are telling me and these people won't come to family court and say what they know, as my ex is very confrontational and will make life hell for these people if they do. So they are scared to come forward on my behalf and say something.

    My ex has suddenly decided he needs to take the kids to QLD. I'm concerned that if I let him I won't see them ever again.

    The things he says and does just don't add up and my gut is telling me he's up to something again. I know I can't go refusing him his kids based on my gut, but I just feel like something is very wrong with this sudden change. So, I've refused to allow him to take them to QLD.

    I still do facetime even though it's one day a week based on that being what he wants. He's tried to say that I won't let him have more time however, I've always said if he's home and wants to talk to them, text me, and if I'm home, too, facetime is fine.

    I've asked him to get Skype as I've had to buy a second-hand iphone to facetime with him as I use android and that iphone connects with the home internet. He refuses to get Skype to make things easier to talk to the kids. He complains that he never gets to talk to them because I'm a b**ch, but he won't make an effort to facetime during the week cause he's soooooo busy all the time which he's not. He will tell the kids that daddy hasn't worked all week cause it's been raining and he's been soo bored. So why didn't he ask to facetime all week? I just don't understand.

    We have a few written signed agreements for child support for which he hasn't committed to. He pays when it suits him. and now he's trying to say that he didn't agree to it, even though he's signed for it. So I've now said that one I don't trust him to look after the kids in his drugged state or that he will run away with the kids. I've said we need to go to family court as he changes his mind when it suits him and tries to blame it on me, therefore, if it's in black and white and a judge has said no, he's happy for the kids to go with their drugged dad, then that's that.

    So essentially I'm refusing him physical contact with his kids until we go to family court. I know you have to do mediation first, but I've also been told that meditation doesn't give me legal custody of the kids and if he chooses to come take them away somewhere, I don't know of there is nothing anyone can do. Do I then need to take him to court? And how do mediation and court work when I live in NSW and he's in QLD?

    I guess this is asking questions, getting your personal input on what you think I'm doing the wrong thing and other people's experiences.

    I'm just really worried that if they go to their father, they won't be looked after properly and I'd never see them again, even though I know I'm not letting him see them. :(
  2. Anubis

    Anubis Well-Known Member

    6 May 2015
    Likes Received:
    No Orders, No Time

    There is no presumption as to which parent the children live with.
    If he takes them away, you could find yourself slogging through a recovery order.

    Where there is violence you can side-step the mediation.

    Start reporting his conduct to police. Keep a diary. See a lawyer and get the matter before a judge.
    Seriously they are taking mention dates for November 2017 now...
  3. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    27 September 2015
    Likes Received:
    You have asked for an honest opinion - That is what you're gonna get...

    Ok, so the stuff you're not gonna like:

    Smoking weed - don't think it's relevant. If he had a long term drug history, links to crime, mental health issues, then maybe...But, especially if, there is no criminal history linked to drugs then it really isn't relevant to family law.

    Drink lots - again irrelevant...

    Threatened to kick your arse - yep, irrelevant (much). Look, we all say stupid things and what you have not said is that he ever actually hurt you.

    Telling friends that you're a b*tch - Don't care. Sorry. Not relevant...

    Telling kids he hasn't been working because of rain - I don't think that's relevant either.

    Having affairs - not relevant. Bad form, but not relevant to his relationship with the kids...

    Now, the stuff you're really really going to hate me saying.

    So you can take his kids, move them interstate and that is ok, but you're not prepared to risk him doing the same to you seems a bit unfair.

    Some stuff you might like:

    Forget child support agreements with him. Get the child support agency to do that for you. He should be paying to maintain his kids and the Australian Gov't has implemented the child support agency so that you don't have to harass him for money.

    Now I'm thinking you're only talking about 1 child to visit QLD? Not the new born? Is he gonna fly the child up to QLD? And for how long is he talking? Let me assume he is flying the child up. Seems reasonable he could send you copies of flight bookings, etc.

    If he has evidence he bought return tickets then that shows intent to return child... So what I'm suggesting is making blanket bans and assuming somehow you get to make all the rules sucks. Now he didn't do anything when you took the child. So that shows implied consent, but you can make sure he understands that he is taking the child for a holiday only.

    The other thing I want you to consider is this - Do you really think he will withhold the child, or are you being a good mum and just worrying too much - because that is what mum's do?

    Now there are some other things you're gonna have to accept. He has a right to see his kids. Now, we don't know why he did nothing for 6 months after you left. Maybe he was giving you space because he knew he stuffed up. Maybe this, maybe that. But I think it is better that you try to find ways to facilitate arrangements so the kids can see their dad.

    Final thought - He will always be their dad. The children have a right to know him and spend time with him. The kids are very, very young. You can start fostering a positive relationship with him or you can position yourself for years of court/ wasted money and animosity.
  4. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    27 September 2015
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    Look I wanna argue Anubis -
    I found this site
    Frequently Asked Questions
    It states that interim orders take 6 months. So do you really reckon NO ORDERS NO VISIT? So when relationships between adults end relationships between one parent and child have to be put on hold for 6 months or more?

    I'm sorry I think your opinion is seriously problematic and will only escalate tensions, damage relationships between children and parents and possibly force a parent into consent by coercion simply out of desperation because that parent doesn't to have to wait 6 months or more to see their kids and in doing so accept consent orders that are unreasonable again because they are desperately missing their kid.

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