Hello.
I'm wanting some experiences as well as personal opinions on someone who doesn't know me or my ex and can tell me if you think what I'm doing is wrong. I know it's probably a typical story.
My husband and I separated 9 months ago. He was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant and while we were trying to get pregnant with numerous women. One day he tells me he thinks I should go to my family in NSW. He needed a break. We lived in QLD. Whilst I was gone, I found out from neighbours he had women at our house.
I came back trying stupidly to fix our marriage, something of which he had no interest in doing but would say maybe in the future. I had been gone a month in that month he never once asked to speak to his child. I tried over and over to say, "does he want to facetime?" or over the phone. It's always, "I'm too busy" or tired or he doesn't talk to me so "what's the point?".
When I came back, he used excuses to be busy every weekend for the whole two weeks I was there and that he had to stay in the city for work. I later found out he was staying with his mistress. In the two weeks I was home, he spent maybe 2 days all up with his child, showing very little interest.
I came back to NSW (I have no family or friends in QLD, hence, why I'm in NSW). It's since been about 7.5 months down here. In the first 6 months, he had zip interest in his child and then children when the new one was born. He always had an excuse to not facetime or talk on the phone. and trust me, I tried and tried.
The last month, he has gotten a massive bee in his bonnet after he came down for a visit with his child and we had a massive altercation. I was calm the whole time, but he hurled abuse at me in my home in front of our kids and honestly if my neighbours were home, they would have or must have heard everything. He threatened to take the older child and physically took that child and put him in his car. He threatened that if I were a guy he would have kicked my arse and beat me up.
I didn't report his behaviour as if I did, he would then have for sure come and done something to me. Since then, he has been all about wanting his kids and wanting to facetime them. On one side, I'm happy he's making an effort. On the other, I can't understand the sudden interest.
At the same time, I learned from friends that he's been running around telling people I took his child without his permission and that I was very depressed before I left. All of which are lies. I had him sign to say that, yes, I could take his child away, and I left more heartbroken with what he had done then got depressed. He suddenly became very nice towards me and texts and calls were very specifically written and calls were very friendly from his normal rude abrasive manner. Someone pointed out to me he's going to try and get full custody of children of the kids.
My husband has been smoking weed for many, many years and very excessively. So much that he will just be awake one moment talking and you ask something and get no answer because he's asleep. His new girlfriend I've been told also does drugs and they both drink a lot. I understand that it's not proof and it's facts based on what other people are telling me and these people won't come to family court and say what they know, as my ex is very confrontational and will make life hell for these people if they do. So they are scared to come forward on my behalf and say something.
My ex has suddenly decided he needs to take the kids to QLD. I'm concerned that if I let him I won't see them ever again.
The things he says and does just don't add up and my gut is telling me he's up to something again. I know I can't go refusing him his kids based on my gut, but I just feel like something is very wrong with this sudden change. So, I've refused to allow him to take them to QLD.
I still do facetime even though it's one day a week based on that being what he wants. He's tried to say that I won't let him have more time however, I've always said if he's home and wants to talk to them, text me, and if I'm home, too, facetime is fine.
I've asked him to get Skype as I've had to buy a second-hand iphone to facetime with him as I use android and that iphone connects with the home internet. He refuses to get Skype to make things easier to talk to the kids. He complains that he never gets to talk to them because I'm a b**ch, but he won't make an effort to facetime during the week cause he's soooooo busy all the time which he's not. He will tell the kids that daddy hasn't worked all week cause it's been raining and he's been soo bored. So why didn't he ask to facetime all week? I just don't understand.
We have a few written signed agreements for child support for which he hasn't committed to. He pays when it suits him. and now he's trying to say that he didn't agree to it, even though he's signed for it. So I've now said that one I don't trust him to look after the kids in his drugged state or that he will run away with the kids. I've said we need to go to family court as he changes his mind when it suits him and tries to blame it on me, therefore, if it's in black and white and a judge has said no, he's happy for the kids to go with their drugged dad, then that's that.
So essentially I'm refusing him physical contact with his kids until we go to family court. I know you have to do mediation first, but I've also been told that meditation doesn't give me legal custody of the kids and if he chooses to come take them away somewhere, I don't know of there is nothing anyone can do. Do I then need to take him to court? And how do mediation and court work when I live in NSW and he's in QLD?
I guess this is asking questions, getting your personal input on what you think I'm doing the wrong thing and other people's experiences.
I'm just really worried that if they go to their father, they won't be looked after properly and I'd never see them again, even though I know I'm not letting him see them.
I'm wanting some experiences as well as personal opinions on someone who doesn't know me or my ex and can tell me if you think what I'm doing is wrong. I know it's probably a typical story.
My husband and I separated 9 months ago. He was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant and while we were trying to get pregnant with numerous women. One day he tells me he thinks I should go to my family in NSW. He needed a break. We lived in QLD. Whilst I was gone, I found out from neighbours he had women at our house.
I came back trying stupidly to fix our marriage, something of which he had no interest in doing but would say maybe in the future. I had been gone a month in that month he never once asked to speak to his child. I tried over and over to say, "does he want to facetime?" or over the phone. It's always, "I'm too busy" or tired or he doesn't talk to me so "what's the point?".
When I came back, he used excuses to be busy every weekend for the whole two weeks I was there and that he had to stay in the city for work. I later found out he was staying with his mistress. In the two weeks I was home, he spent maybe 2 days all up with his child, showing very little interest.
I came back to NSW (I have no family or friends in QLD, hence, why I'm in NSW). It's since been about 7.5 months down here. In the first 6 months, he had zip interest in his child and then children when the new one was born. He always had an excuse to not facetime or talk on the phone. and trust me, I tried and tried.
The last month, he has gotten a massive bee in his bonnet after he came down for a visit with his child and we had a massive altercation. I was calm the whole time, but he hurled abuse at me in my home in front of our kids and honestly if my neighbours were home, they would have or must have heard everything. He threatened to take the older child and physically took that child and put him in his car. He threatened that if I were a guy he would have kicked my arse and beat me up.
I didn't report his behaviour as if I did, he would then have for sure come and done something to me. Since then, he has been all about wanting his kids and wanting to facetime them. On one side, I'm happy he's making an effort. On the other, I can't understand the sudden interest.
At the same time, I learned from friends that he's been running around telling people I took his child without his permission and that I was very depressed before I left. All of which are lies. I had him sign to say that, yes, I could take his child away, and I left more heartbroken with what he had done then got depressed. He suddenly became very nice towards me and texts and calls were very specifically written and calls were very friendly from his normal rude abrasive manner. Someone pointed out to me he's going to try and get full custody of children of the kids.
My husband has been smoking weed for many, many years and very excessively. So much that he will just be awake one moment talking and you ask something and get no answer because he's asleep. His new girlfriend I've been told also does drugs and they both drink a lot. I understand that it's not proof and it's facts based on what other people are telling me and these people won't come to family court and say what they know, as my ex is very confrontational and will make life hell for these people if they do. So they are scared to come forward on my behalf and say something.
My ex has suddenly decided he needs to take the kids to QLD. I'm concerned that if I let him I won't see them ever again.
The things he says and does just don't add up and my gut is telling me he's up to something again. I know I can't go refusing him his kids based on my gut, but I just feel like something is very wrong with this sudden change. So, I've refused to allow him to take them to QLD.
I still do facetime even though it's one day a week based on that being what he wants. He's tried to say that I won't let him have more time however, I've always said if he's home and wants to talk to them, text me, and if I'm home, too, facetime is fine.
I've asked him to get Skype as I've had to buy a second-hand iphone to facetime with him as I use android and that iphone connects with the home internet. He refuses to get Skype to make things easier to talk to the kids. He complains that he never gets to talk to them because I'm a b**ch, but he won't make an effort to facetime during the week cause he's soooooo busy all the time which he's not. He will tell the kids that daddy hasn't worked all week cause it's been raining and he's been soo bored. So why didn't he ask to facetime all week? I just don't understand.
We have a few written signed agreements for child support for which he hasn't committed to. He pays when it suits him. and now he's trying to say that he didn't agree to it, even though he's signed for it. So I've now said that one I don't trust him to look after the kids in his drugged state or that he will run away with the kids. I've said we need to go to family court as he changes his mind when it suits him and tries to blame it on me, therefore, if it's in black and white and a judge has said no, he's happy for the kids to go with their drugged dad, then that's that.
So essentially I'm refusing him physical contact with his kids until we go to family court. I know you have to do mediation first, but I've also been told that meditation doesn't give me legal custody of the kids and if he chooses to come take them away somewhere, I don't know of there is nothing anyone can do. Do I then need to take him to court? And how do mediation and court work when I live in NSW and he's in QLD?
I guess this is asking questions, getting your personal input on what you think I'm doing the wrong thing and other people's experiences.
I'm just really worried that if they go to their father, they won't be looked after properly and I'd never see them again, even though I know I'm not letting him see them.
