denied access of child

[canplaythegame]

actually just received letter by email just then

there are that many lies on there i dont know where to start
accusing me of domestic violence but wont state what it was, i have never been abussive

quotes i have supposedly said about trying to kill myself multiple times
i have never tried to, never mad a plan to nothing.

she has agreed to supervised visits with relationships australia but has stated she can not afford the costs, of course.

she wins

 

[Rosscoe]

I would suggest getting on the front foot and writing to your ex's lawyer if possible. I would think that she will just ignore it if you address it to her. Perhaps ask for her solicitor's name and address and have an attempt at writing the letter. Failing that it will then still worthwhile writing to your ex asking for visitation / access to be restored and the measures you have undertaken (providing the doctors note etc) and that she is unreasonably withholding access and delaying things. (sending out communication of some sort will be valuable evidence gathering should this go to court). I would also specifically ask why access is being withheld.

If the status quo remains I'd suggest lining up an accredited mediator to start the ball rolling with getting her to come to the party either through mediation and the threat of the beginning of court proceedings

 

[sammy01]

yep write the letter to the solicitor. Make it long. Make it detailed. Get advice for suggestions from the nice folk here. From memory - solicitors charge a ball park figure of $100 for every 300 words they read or write.... So start writing.

 

[Rosscoe]

That is a tough position to be in but it is not insurmountable and false accusations can often reflect badly on the OP.

Your oldest child is still in your primary care, right?

In your letter I would suggest you make mention of the fact that you have your oldest daughter in your primary care and that you find it confusing that with such serious allegations as made (which can easily be refuted (if that is the truth)), that Ms xx (your ex) has raised no concern as to the care arrangements of our eldest daughter named, yy, and that she continues to be in my care with no risk to her wellbeing. Continue to say that you pose no risk to your youngest named zz, and that you are a caring and diligent father, that access is being unreasonably withheld to the detriment of zz, and the relationship between you and zz and request access be restored as per the agreement in place for n number of years (without any incident / risk factors being present). Are the siblings close as well? You can further state that due to Ms xx's actions you believe the sibling relationship between yy and zz is being compromised (if it is)

I wouldn't at this stage get into any specifics of refuting the allegations made in the letter. Make a more general statement that they are untrue.

Say you are not in agreement with supervised visits as it is not something that has been agreed to previously. Having said this it may be the only way she will allow you to see your daughter so you may have to have a serious think about it.

Re- the e-mail account you have set up for your daughter. Be very very careful of this. From what I have seen if a parent makes any threat to disclose the nature of the conflict / proceedings etc to their child, at any time, now and in the future, judges come down very hard on that parent.

actually just received letter by email just then

there are that many lies on there i dont know where to start
accusing me of domestic violence but wont state what it was, i have never been abussive

quotes i have supposedly said about trying to kill myself multiple times
i have never tried to, never mad a plan to nothing.

she has agreed to supervised visits with relationships australia but has stated she can not afford the costs, of course.

she wins

and

 

[canplaythegame]

ok thanks

i dont make any threats of this nature and i will be carefull with content in the emails, its just so she knows i love her.

the letter also states that she may agree to supervised visitation with a third party but is in no financial position to contribute to the costs.
She just bought a brand new 70k caravan a couple weeks ago.

that im heavily medicated
im on a small prescribed dose

letter states ive tried to commit suicide
never have and never mad a plan to

Letter asks for me to respond with my condition and prescribbed medication and any phsycoligist i am currently seeing and have seen.

Should i respond with these answers?
Can i ask for evidence of things like client has previously requested communication to be text only and i have often refused.
She has by memory only asked for this last week and she didnt respond to a question so i called and didnt get through.

 

[canplaythegame]

she has told them that there was domestic violence also
i have never done anything
but the letter states that they are not instructed to detail the domestic violence and family violence throughout and following your relationship at this point in time

 

[canplaythegame]

ok ill start writing on the weekend.
and i will ask for help with responses to particular paragraphs on here
i also will attend a community lawyer walk in on monday night.

Thanks so much for all you help with this.
I really cant beleive she is doing this and that a lawyer is helping her, i know its money for them but still.

 

[Rosscoe]

ok thanks

i dont make any threats of this nature and i will be carefull with content in the emails, its just so she knows i love her.

the letter also states that she may agree to supervised visitation with a third party but is in no financial position to contribute to the costs.
She just bought a brand new 70k caravan a couple weeks ago.

that im heavily medicated
im on a small prescribed dose

letter states ive tried to commit suicide
never have and never mad a plan to

Letter asks for me to respond with my condition and prescribbed medication and any phsycoligist i am currently seeing and have seen.

Should i respond with these answers?
Can i ask for evidence of things like client has previously requested communication to be text only and i have often refused.
She has by memory only asked for this last week and she didnt respond to a question so i called and didnt get through.

My view would be to not "give away"too much information. You are not required to disclose all this information. Carry on stating that you are managing your health and wish to continue the care arrangement that has been in place for n number of years with out incident / risk to the kids, and that you believe supervised visits are not necessary nor in the interests of the children etc. State there is no valid reason for the care arrangement not to continue and that you will take the necessary steps to ensure that the arrangements are put back in place. State things like: Ms xx's decision to unilaterally withhold child zz is impacting zz's right to have a meaningful relationship with me, her father. State that you pose no physical or psychological risk to child xx and in fact Ms xx's conduct would appear to confirm this seen as though she has made no issue with the fact that you am the primary carer of our eldest child yy and no change in the care arrangements for yy has been proposed.

I would suggest that you attach the letter from your doctor in the letter to the solicitor , which confirms this and that states you pose no risk to your child. You could even suggest that the solicitor contact the doctor if you are happy with that scenario. You could state what medication you are prescribed and where you keep it (i.e. very safely) and when you take it. Loads of people are on prescribed medication for some condition or another so I don't really see this as a big issue. I actually see it as a positive for you. It shows you are being pro-active and that you are managing things. I guess what I am saying is maybe don't give all your health details away to your ex's solicitor but maybe just enough to show that you are on top of things and there is no risk and you have put measures in place to manage your health.

 

[GlassHalfFull]

Ugh, I sympathise with you here. I went through a similar game with my ex (different allegations, different circumstances), but a similar outcome. I tried to resolve the matter sensibly, her lawyer went nuclear and forced me into court. 2 years later, I'm still in court and my ex is still a $*#@, but I'm fighting to (eventually) get 50/50 time with the children, whereas it sounded like you were happy with the previous every second weekend arrangement, which should be much easier to achieve once the mental health crap is resolved. I hope you don't have to go to court, but it sounds like you might have to, because professional supervision is not only not a normal relationship with your daughter, but expensive if you're forced to go privately supervised. Almost as expensive as taking it to court honestly. Especially if your ex tries to force it as a long term/permanent arrangement like my ex did. I was on supervision twice a week 2 hours for 9 months. If I didn't go to court, I'd probably still be supervised 2+ years later. It's BS.

 

[canplaythegame]

Ok, so i have put together a bit of a letter.
It has a lot of you suggestions in it.

Dear Solicitor,

Your client MS XXX has refused myself access to ZZZ my youngest daughter since 14th October.

This letter is to convey to you that i wish to continue the care arrangement that has been in place for a number of years without incident or risk to the kids.
There is no valid reason for the care arrangement not to continue.
Your clients decision to unilaterally withhold ZZZ is impacting ZZZ's right to have a meaningful relationship with me, her father.
I believe supervised visits are not necessary nor are they in the best interests of the children.

I do not pose a physical or phycological risk to ZZZ and in fact your clients conduct would appear to confirm this seen as though she has made no issue with the fact that i am the primary carer for our 16 year old daughter and no change in the care arrangement for YYY has been proposed.

I have provided a doctors certificate to your client which you have stated you have a copy of.
This letter should be considered evidence that my health and mental health is in good order and that i have the capacity to look after my children.
I am managing my mental health with doctor check ups, psychologist appointments and medication.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and take the prescribed 30mg of Mirtazapine once daily before bed.

thats all i have at this point, but should i answer any questions that her solicitor has asked for answers on?
" if i am still in a relationship with my current partner?"
" a list of specialists i have seen in the past for mental health?"

Would it help to get a stat dec or something from my step kids dad?, to say he has no issue with the his 2 kids here?


Thanks all

Daniel