QLD 50/50 shared care, child not attending school often in mother's care

[Rosscoe]

Yeah... an argument an argument can be made that it is time while in the mother's care. Still not so sure about not being able to speak to the teacher though. That doesn't seem right. From the school's point of view the last thing they will want to do is get involved in any form of dispute. How frustrating.

So... if you don't think the school will take a position it's best you find someone that will. A good solution will be to go to the agreed GP. Also get the child assessed by a psychologist. If necessary the GP will refer you to a psychiatrist. If there are issues arising they will identify them. I believe getting independent expert views presented in court are how you will get a solution to this. This can take time so start now. It is also most likely the best way to apply pressure to the other parent.

 

[sammy01]

wow - Put that in writing principal... Did I mention that as a school teacher, I'm pretty bloody disappointed at the state of affairs as far as our education system in this country.

Sadly, I reckon you're gonna need to apply pressure to the mum. Make sure when you write to mum you threaten court and that in court you'll apply for 80% care... That should scare her

 

[Atticus]

Does this sound right?

I can understand that the principal may be concerned about privacy issues when discussing absenteeism while in mums care..... That said, education & schooling falls well within things that are covered by parental responsibility, ie, not a day to day care issue .... It's the duty of each parent to make sure that the child is attending EVERY DAY unless there is a reasonable excuse not to... Under the every day counts initiative, it is the JOB of the school (principal) to keep accurate records & monitor whether or not those excuses fall within what is regarded as acceptable, & that the absenteeism is not excessive.

WHAT YOU NEED FROM THE PRINCIPAL, is not a sit down discussion about whats happening under mums care, but that they (the school principal) is doing what SHE is required to do to under the act.
Plenty of info & clickable links to follow below.

https://ppr.qed.qld.gov.au/education/management/Procedure Attachments/Managing Student Absences and Enforcing Enrolment and Attendance at State Schools/Managing-student-absences-and-enforcing-enrolment-and-attendance-at-state-schools.pdf

End of the day, mums attitude & behavior will need to be bought before the court as a contravention, but that could take some time... In the meantime, the school SHOULD be doing what IT is supposed to do to properly record, monitor & when warranted, intervene & report absenteeism.... Then up to what mums response is as to how it progresses from there, ultimately to prosecution if her reasons continue to be unacceptable.

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Thanks for your responses everyone. My partner contacted relationships Australia yesterday so we will apply pressure to the mother and let her know we are aware again of what is going on and that we do not think his attendance is acceptable. I guess only time will tell if it scares her enough to get him into school more regularly or not. My guess is it might work for a little while and then she will slip back. But it will be good knowing we have the 60i certificate to go back to court if necessary.

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hi all, seeking some advice on a different topic (let me know if I should start a new post - figured here you know the history). Christmas holidays are here and my partner has orders that the child speak each week (throughout the year) with the parent they are not living with. Orders were settled in April 2019. These calls never take place as the mother does not understand the order regarding giving the child privacy (loud speaker, in the same room as her, can hear her telling him what to say, gives him the ipad/ice lollies, disconnects calls etc) so my partner does not try anymore as he feels it is unfair on the child and he also get quite upset at the calls. Last Christmas my partner tried to call for the weekly calls (as mother had agreed as they split the holidays in half) and child was in a car with his extended family on loud speaker and did not feel comfortable speaking, so he didn’t call again.

Mother has this week requested child (age 7) have his own mobile phone to call each parent when he wants. We are aware child has his own phone in mothers care but my partner does not think this is appropriate and has declined accepting the phone and has included phone calls as another reason for attending mediation. He has advised mother that due to what happened last year he does not wish phone calls to take place, he would like to attend mediation to discuss what privacy means and if the mother can provide privacy then agree to phone calls in the future.

Mother is obviously not happy with this. I know this sounds a bit tit for tat but my partner genuinely tries to do what he can to keep things amicable with the mother (offered mother to have an extra 2 days with child this week as school finished early this year and thought it would be good for the child to have the full 7 days before the holidays start).

I guess I am wondering if you think we are doing the right thing? The way things stand my partner would be happy to have the calls order removed because at the age of 7, he has not had a single private call with his son. Also, mother will have the child overnight for Xmas eve so it is 13 days without speaking to the child (not the full 3 or 4 weeks).

 

[Rosscoe]

my quick two cents on this are that i think you should continue with the calls as per the orders. State to the mother that you wish for this to continue in terms of the orders. Carry on requesting for the kid to have some kind of privacy, but even if there is no privacy the fact that there is contact and connection is important. From what I have read above it seems to upset your partner. Take this from where it comes and yes it is upsetting, but personally I think it would be even more upsetting for the 7 year old that his dad just stops calling. My opinion... Never give up, never stop trying. Your kid will remember that in the long term. By not speaking you give the mother easy ammunition by saying "oh daddy says he doesn't want to speak to you". He will work out that he doesn't like his mum in his ear over time. Tell him that you are there to speak anytime he wants. Sounds like the mother is acting very irrationally which puts more responsibility on your partner to be a safe space for the kid.

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hi Rosscoe, thank you for your response. As neither parent participate in phone calls currently and the child doesn't expect phone calls, my partner decided not to facilitate the phone calls over the holidays. We thought about what you had said and realised if my partner allowed phone calls with the mother and the child was expecting phone calls when back in the mother's care, it would be upsetting for him if he believed my partner wasn't calling. My partner only received approximately 10 (probably less - usually one call the week before the next court hearing) of the weekly ordered phone calls over 16 months of court and not a single call lasted for more than 20 seconds. He genuinely didn't believe the mother would facilitate the calls as she has become quite upset with my partner since he advised he had contacted mediation and threatened court if the child's school attendance does not improve.

The mother has also shaved off the child's hair, something that has really upset the child. We feel she did this as it is what she did through the whole court process. My partner made the mistake of sharing that he would like to be able to take the child to the hair dressers at mediation back in 2017 - as the mother usually shaved the child's hair. She agreed at mediation, but then started to shave the child's hair to the scalp through the whole time in court. He has had normal hair for a good while now but the week of receiving my partners SMS she shaved it off again. We are hoping to have a psychologist organised for after the holidays to help the child.

 

[sammy01]

move closer to the screen.... Little bit more.... Good now close your eyes while I give you two good upper cuts.

This might wind up back in court because of the school thing. Don't complicate it.
Take the phone. Turn it off... Put it in the boot of your car. leave it there.

Mum won't facilitate phone calls like she should? Ok. All the more reason for you to make sure phone calls happen so you look reasonable.

Now go get some ice to put on your chin...

 

[sammy01]

and dont even mention it at mediation.... She will be happy to talk about phone calls. She wont wanna talk about school. You're giving her something that she'd rather talk about rather than the big issue.

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hi Sammy, always the bearer of bad news, no I do appreciate your advice!

I will speak to my partner tonight and see if I can convince him to facilitate the calls. The mother is currently demanding a phone call today at 1.30pm when she knows my partner will be working and not be with the child. It's just silly.

It is upsetting for my partner because even the ICL could not make the mother answer the weekly phone calls during the last court case (she just kept denying she wasn't answering). And he is worried the child is old enough to recognise if dad doesn't call him through January, where as currently, he doesn't think phone calls are a thing when at either house.

Just seen your last message, would it not be good to clarify what privacy is with the mother at mediation? Or definitely only discuss school attendance? We are worried she is going to say yes I will take him to school and that will be it, both parents are agreeing and no 60i certificate. Am I looking at this wrong? I have never actually attended mediation with my partner so I am not too sure how it all works.