VIC Separation & Ex Wife Claim

[Destiny]

Hi
My Defacto of 5 years and I are currently separating as he is always intoxicated and been emotionally and verbally abusive. He had a nasty separation via consent orders approx 20 years ago, but not divorced. He had avoided getting divorced all the time and I have found out he said to his adult children to get Ex in on it if anything happens to him, meaning dies. Ex has no social relation at all or assets with him. Am I correct Ex cant do any claims, due to consent orders, although not divorced and no effect if we separate?

On top he has engaged in talking to an interstate sister he found approx 5 years ago, only really knows him on phone conversations, and lies constantly claiming I am trying to kill and stalk etc him, although it is me who has been abused and controlled. She is making things worse as daily is instructing how to check on me etc. He calls and uses her to add to his lie list and then rushes to a solicitor . I asked her to stop encouraging his psycho behavior and she said she didn't want to get involved, but still is daily escalating things worse. Am I able to write a letter requesting with reasons to her to stop instructing him without consequences to myself?

 

[Dpj]

Destiny. It seems toxic. Don't get involved in the BS. Do you have kids? Joint Assets? are you renting? Are you living in the same house?

I would begin the process of separating with him (financially and children - if you have them). Get this process started ASAP - ie, book withRelationships Australia or a Family Mediation. If you have no kids, see if he will consent to a financial deal. Then move on. There are several ways to play this, and he is playing a dangerous game if things you say can be proven.

The best thing for you seems to be away from him.

 

[Destiny]

Destiny. It seems toxic. Don't get involved in the BS. Do you have kids? Joint Assets? are you renting? Are you living in the same house?

I would begin the process of separating with him (financially and children - if you have them). Get this process started ASAP - ie, book withRelationships Australia or a Family Mediation. If you have no kids, see if he will consent to a financial deal. Then move on. There are several ways to play this, and he is playing a dangerous game if things you say can be proven.

The best thing for you seems to be away from him.

Hi Dpj. Yes toxic alright. No kids. Joint house etc owned and living together.
I had kept diary dates for awhile when problems with him and sure others can confirm his behavior. He is definitely trying to play the abused victim act ,without justification, just his verbal threats. I can not see any logic from him unless there is a way to tell sister to butt out.
But is it correct Ex can not make any claims?
Financial deal as in just Binding Financial orders, or consent orders?

 

[Dpj]

Ok, m o kids. So why do you want to push so hard on his behaviour? What are you looking to achieve? You could easily request a interim dv order either by applying yourself or getting cops to apply. That may force him to move out of the home. That would at least help your mental state.

Financial consent orders. As in, cut a deal, have it stamped by court, then move on with your life. If he has to move out of the home then he may be the one wanting to cut a deal fast as he'll be paying rent and you won't.

I was on the receiving end of 'dirty play' - I had to move out and I lost all the household items. She then started to sell them and keep funds. Court didn't care. Lesson to me was court allows dirty play. Whether you are genuinely feeling you are on the end of DV or not, that play would likely put you in a stronger position.

Imo, you both need to live separately otherwise it's not good for either of your mental health

 

[sammy01]

what assets do you share? House? mortgage?
Why not leave? get a rental and refuse to pay the mortgage

 

[Destiny]

His behaviour is escalated due to sister.. Without her it would be a lot easier. That's why I ask suggestions on her. I have considered DV order based on my past diary notes as no way he will move out on own accord. Currently he has never been nicer, but not when talks to her behind my back, that is his game suggested by sister.
Sorry Dpj to hear you copped "dirty play" also, that is disgusting what done. I fully understand the move out side ,but he would have no problem destroying etc things and moving puts me in a worse position if I cave into him until all sorted.
Sammy01-Mortgage on house is due to be paid in full in a few months. Rest usual cars, accounts, super and furniture which I am aware how all that works in consent orders.
So its all back to how to stop the sister again ?

 

[Dpj]

May be you can stop the sister, may be you can't. I can't see any legal ramifications writing to the sister. You probably know best how you handle your ex and the sister.

It's good that he is being nice. May be have a think about what a fair asset split would be. Put that to him. Then at least you can move forward. Once you move forward it doesn't really matter what the sister says as it doesn't affect you. Obviously as you are under the same roof the sister into your ex's ear is causing issues.

Good luck

 

[Destiny]

Thanks Dpj Hopefully can stop it. The being nice is definitely a fake pretend and the true person comes out when caught out on the lies. Can only see what next few days bring out for now.