Let me ask both of you if I was a man writing this would you have a different perspective?? and be honest
He was happy with the 2 nights a week when offered and yes I said No to camping but do I not get time with my kids before Christmas?
It was his year to have Christmas and New years and he also has their birthday in February......So why is it that I am the one being unfair? I wanted till the 23rd he had all the other days and also he had agreed earlier and knew this so if there was a problem it should have been brought up earlier
Also, you both pointed out that people fight and disagree and that's going to happen so is it me or him that has to cave, and do I have to cave every time, or does he have to cave too?
My house is very open to him and no his not restricted I want him to be part of his children's lives, but at some point, there has to be limits and privacy for both of us
and if your child or children were not returned and only spoke to you via a zoom/skype call for 2 months no seeing them face to face or hugging them or reading them a book before bed kissing them goodnight wouldn't you be upset?? should I just be grateful I'm getting a call and shut up? Would you just think oh well at least there with the other parent?? I don't think you would be
If he would have picked up the phone and talked to me or even called in and said he wanted to have a chat and communicate with me and asked me what was going on and if what the girls had told him was true then this could have been worked out but instead, he decided to keep our children from me at Christmas time....If this was the best choice he could make and you both think this is ok then wow!!
I am not perfect as parents we all make mistakes but I don't think the decision he made was the right action at all and for all my trying to maintain and keep his role in our children lives a very big role because it definitely is very important for little girls to have their dad around them I feel like he has totally disrespected my role in their lives and cut me off as much as he can
I miss my girls I want to hold them and kiss them goodnight as much as he does but this is not the right way to go about it at all !!
And I asked for some advice on what to expect in court not to be judged by people and their opinions but I actually wanted facts on what had happened in similar situations/cases but thanks for your brutal honesty !! It's dually noted
I have been reading this thread and from what I can see is that your former partner definitely suffers from ineffectively communicating with you. It's frustrating when we as parents simply cannot find an efficient communication medium, though I tend to remind myself that I divorced this person not because of our "GREAT" communication skills. So the challenge (and over time you won't see it as a challenge) will be there indefinitely. You can decide on how you are going to allow this to affect you and keep in mind that these petty decisions (from your ex and you will recognize your own too) will make no difference in the bigger scheme of things. This will become just another dull memory on your separation/ divorce journey and add to that drained look you carry around with you everyday.
Well, less is more. Not more words/ intentions but better success. Now how to achieve this? Think as if the situation was reversed. If my ex hates me (he does), then he probably doesn't want to hear from me unless necessary. The ex enjoys his job and living a child-free responsible life, so I tend to keep my communication concise. The children are the ones that win in the end, since they have a relationship with their father and mother. I don't win, he doesn't win, we sacrifice in different ways. Now, don't think me and my ex are amicable, but during the course of time of continuing being in court gives you more perspective. I don't like to communicate with my ex, though I update and inform him on the necessities regarding the children. For example I let health professionals write reports and forward or directly communicate any information to the ex. I don't open doors for more communications or open ended conversations, since it looks like a Shakespeare novel then on his account and I don't engage in literature that doesn't makes sense to my simplistic brain
. I don't ask or try to "dictate" (as he would previously call it) apart from following court orders. We parallel parent as they call it, not co-parent. What I do on my time, I do and he the same and off we go in our very different directions.
In court, he truth will reveal itself and it always does, but it requires a lot of patience and money. So if you still want to retire early, then best stay out of court. Keep clear record of all that has happened and also don't have record in case YOU might be reacting insanely. The way you represent yourself now, will reflect on you as how you deal with high conflict. So best measure is to remain calm (f**k that is hard, but I know it's your only bet in the end.)
My most recent example: The ex recently took the kids to Canberra over the Christmas holiday's. We have nothing in our interim court orders stating interstate travel, so I send a kind email outlining the safety concerns regarding the children, merely surrounding the PANDEMIC. I don't expect a response (it's mere paperwork for the next court hearing). The result, he took the kids to Canberra, I didn't get a response, the children returned all smiles (they had a great time I am sure from all the stories they share with me). Was I worried, yes. Did it cross my mind to threatfully communicate, yes, but I know it's unproductive and poor form. Did I yell at my lawyer because he doesn't think with emotion/ moral like I do, No, but I wanted to. Instead I went to the gym. So I enjoyed my holiday time and continued with my life after allowing myself to vent and got over it. I looked after myself. My one child did return ill, but there is nothing that I am not capable of handling.
I always miss my children when they are not with me, but I know that allowing the scenario to drive me insane is not good for me or the kids. All that I have concluded is that I end up a stressful mother and cannot think with clarity and make stupid mistakes.
