NSW Is it legal for my wife to hide out with my 2-yo kid without telling me?

[sammy01]

Ok, so go slow... Give her some time. Be calm.
So she took lots of stuff. Ok. BAD - but when asset division happens you can have that calculated into the equation.

So MY STORY. Did mediation, I a paid for a solicitor, she got legal aid. she agreed to 1 night a week with the kids I wanted 5 nights fortnight. Anyways agreements made about assets. ETC ETC. But she never followed through with anything. Refused to sign paperwork, so the day of mediation with expensive solicitors was a waste of time and money. LOTS of money.

But she lost her legal aid grant, so when I stopped paying the mortage, car loan, ect ect she was screwed, she was gonna lose the house, her car, so she had to negotiate AND she had to pay a solicitor because she had lost her legal aid grant. Initially this didn't stop her being stupid. Her solicitor wrote to mine offering an asset division 105% to her and -5% to me. Madness. But the banks were closing in. So she called me and I told her I didn't care if the bank took the house or her car and she was not gonna get 105% of the assets. Instead she could have roughly 65% of the assets, I would resume paying the mortgage / car BUT when the house sold that money would be returned to me and I would have 5 nights a fortnight with the kids.

So the point I'm making is this - BE CALM - Play nice. So she took a whole bunch of stuff from the house, ok. it will be added back when calculating asset division. BTW it is a good thing that she is writing like a lawyer. Keep it professional, don't bother with mud slinging. Let her think she is the boss. PLAY SMART. So for example, you aske "by email" to 'request' to see your own kid. I find this offensive, you have to 'request' to see your kid. Oh I'm MAD for you. So go along with it. Just for the minute. All via email is good too. So this is important - bring it in tight and pay attention. From now on, everything you write COULD be read by a magistrate, so think before you write.

Final thing, call relationships Australia, get the mediation thing started. It will take weeks before you'll get your first appointment, so for the minute, just stay calm.

 

[Tim W]

...Yep all legal.
My advice is contradictory to some of the stuff above.

My suggestion was only to keep up the mortgage.
The other stuff, that's on the table.

 

[smallcat]

My suggestion was only to keep up the mortgage.
The other stuff, that's on the table.

Hi Tim, I also tend to keep up the mortgage and bills. But I only can support these for not more than 2 months just on my own.
So according to your experience, it will be favourable to me later for sure?

I could see that some people become the upper hand after stopped the mortgage. Even they resumed the mortgage later, they still can get back those extra money spent after the case is settled.

 

[smallcat]

Final thing, call relationships Australia, get the mediation thing started. It will take weeks before you'll get your first appointment, so for the minute, just stay calm.

Hi Sammy, from your case, I can see that your ex didn't have too much income/asset, so she couldn't affort full price lawyer and pay the bills by herself.

Did you sell the house and split the money? Did you go to family court evetually?

I also think it may not be necessary to get lawyer involved during mediation stage.

 

[sammy01]

Hey, mate, So I'll try and tell the story.
She / wehad money / assets. I had about $120 000 in super at the age of 33. She had about $100 000 from an inheritance. We're not rich, but she made accusations of Domestic Violence so that helped her with legal aid. She insisted on mediation with solicitors (because her's was free).

So eventually we got an agreement. In many cases (especially mine) one person's expectations were removed from reality. Sure just because Brad Pitt had to give Angelena Jolle millions of $$ doesnt mean I have to. Like I said earlier she wanted 105% of assets. All of the proceeds from the sale of the house, she retain all the furniture, some telstra shares etc and all of my superanuation would be transferred to her. I got to keep the goldfish.

The best thing is to work things out amicably ABSOLUTELY. But in my case the ex agreed because their was a ticking time bomb. Either agree to 5 a fortnight or risk losing the house to the banks. Basically, she cant manage money, so even though she did have the capacity to make the mortgage repayments her life style meant she couldn't. The kids didn't need to be in child care 3 days a week for example.

So my solicitor wrote to her's making an offer for asset division and the time I'd spend with the kids. I'm a school teacher and have always been a very hands on dad. So that letter from solicitor said I'll accept 5 a fortngiht with kids and the ex has 21 days to confirm she'll agree OR I will apply to court. Part of the agreement was I'd sort the mortgage to get the banks off her case. The 5 a fortnight was a real sticking point because of what that did to her family tax beneifit and child support,
Basically, she wanted to divorce me but stay in a loving relationship with my wallet... Slowly the pressure of it got to her. It was alright at the start, I was out of the house and paying for everything for about 6 months. She would let me see the kids when it suited her and if I dared say anything about how unfair it was she would refuse access for a week or two. But when I stopped paying and the bills started pilling up reality set in.

mate I really do hope you and the ex can sort it without solicitors. I reckon between me and the ex we must have spent $30-40K on solicitors without ever seeing inside the family court. But if one party is gonna be unreasonable then that is when the solicitors get rich.

 

[smallcat]

Thanks Sammy for your case sharing. I wanted to make up with her originally, but she just refused to talk contructively and always being confrontational.

I just received a letter from CentreLink saying that I no longer have the care of my kid from the date she moved out. And she also declared separated with me by email.

What's more, she asks for the "salary" for her mother on taking care of our kid during the last 2 years...

My questions:
1. How to reply CentreLink? My kid was just vapourized! Can I say that I don't agree what she did and I need to recover my kid?
2. Should I just ignore her ridiculous request about her mother's salary?
3. My real estate agency advised me to stopped paying any mortgage or bill. I will just let the bank and court handle the money matters. Hopefully there is no serious consequence by doing this.

 

[Tim W]

1. How to reply CentreLink? My kid was just vapourized! Can I say that I don't agree what she did and I need to recover my kid?

Centrelink does not decide where the child lives. That's decided by the Family Court.
Centrelink is simply telling you about any changes to any payments they make to (either of) you, based on the new residence arrangements.
Expect further correspondence about child support to come pretty soon.

2. Should I just ignore her ridiculous request about her mother's salary?

For the time being, certainly.
For one thing, there's no such thing as a salaried grandparent.

3. My real estate agency advised me to stopped paying any mortgage or bill. I will just let the bank and court handle the money matters. Hopefully there is no serious consequence by doing this.

Let's be clear - a shark parasite real estate agent has no business at all giving you financial advice.
Further, this is really, really dumb advice.
You need to protect your own interest in the house.
Bottom line... if you can avoid it, don't get behind on the mortgage.

 

[smallcat]

Centrelink does not decide where the child lives. That's decided by the Family Court.
Centrelink is simply telling you about any changes to any payments they make to (either of) you, based on the new residence arrangements.
Expect further correspondence about child support to come pretty soon.

Then I think I can simply ignore CentreLink for the time being.
And a social worker report is useful for me? Any difference from seeing a counselor/psychologist?

Let's be clear - a shark parasite real estate agent has no business at all giving you financial advice.
Further, this is really, really dumb advice.
You need to protect your own interest in the house.
Bottom line... if you can avoid it, don't get behind on the mortgage.

Sorry I forgot to mention that I wanted to stop the mortgages and bills for my investment properties only. The house I am living (we were living) belongs to my father.

I called bank financial hardship, they said they can give us 2 weeks extension. But I really am not sustainable to pay everything by my own after 2 months.

 

[sammy01]

don't ignore centrelink. BAD idea.
Learn there rules.
I believe you can get a 13 week reprieve by explaining that your 0% care is courtesy of the ex and you're taking action to rectify the situation. Give it a go, might work.... Sorry ol' mate. I'm exhausted so I can't give you anything more specific than the website with csa rules
Using the Child Support Guide | Child Support Guide
somewhere in that maze they call a policy document is something that is similar to your situation. I'll try and find it for ya but I'm off to bed. Been a big weekend and I'm back to work tomorrow. But the surf at my local was awesome. My fingers hurt from typing...

 

[GlassHalfFull]

I'm pretty late to this discussion but my thoughts... Yes it will escalate things at at time when the OP seems to be TRYING (unsuccessfully) to de-escalate.. But given there is grounds for a family violence order based on the mention of her previously being violent, he might actually be within his rights to take out a FVO against her and have the children named on the order. Yeah, it might seem to be a bit of a low blow but given how these things inevitably become a case of strike hard and strike early or the other side will, better to get one in before she does IMO. As long as it isn't obviously vindictive, I don't see the issue. There does seem to grounds for worry about the safety of the children if she has been violent before (and there's evidence of it, which there seems to be).

Of course the obvious question is whether the OP is capable of looking after the children full time in his current situation, and what the care arrangements were prior to separation. That may play some part in whether he actually wants to do that. But I think it's certainly there as an option and could start to push proceedings in his favour...