QLD Wife Left with Kids - What to Do Under Family Law?

[Friction]

My wife and I had an arguement 2 nights ago and since then, she took herself and out 5 kids to her mum's house and she said she doesn't know when she is coming home. I have yet to see the kids since.

I messaged her today asking if the kids could spend the day with me tomorrow at their own house and she is refusing saying it will happen at a park. I'm pretty sure she can't refuse me without any prior legal statements saying so.

I know I can go to the park and see them, but it would be nicer if they could spend some time in their own house with me. Is there anything I can do under family law to have this happen?

 

[Rod]

For the moment, if you want to keep things civil, suggest you play along. Wait and see if the argument blows over. Depending on circumstances a bunch of flowers could be a sound investment!

 

[Friction]

A bunch of flowers would be a waste of money at this point. I did that 2 days ago and it was a waste of money then.

Our relationship has been struggling for some time (not as bad as I thought) until about 3 weeks ago when she told me if I didn't change within 6 months, that the relationship was over. I've since then been seeing a psychologist (I suffer from depression and Asperger) and I thought things were going a bit better until 2 nights ago when the kids went to their grand parents house for a sleepover so the wife and I could spend some time together.

We went out for dinner where she told me there was no love from her anymore and I cut the night short and we came home. I had told her 3 weeks prior and again that night, that she was the reason I was so depressed over the past few years and that I had even considered suicide. She lost it and went and stayed at her parents house with the kids that night and said she doesn't know when she and the kids will be back.

Now it's been 2 days since I've seen the kids (I've never been apart from them since they were born for more than a few hours) and she is telling me how it's going to be in regards to seeing them.

 

[Rod]

I'm thinking some time apart is likely to be better in the short term while you sort out what you want, other than seeing the kids. If you separate, it will more than likely mean you will see the kids less often so think carefully about what you want. Two days is not really that long in the overall scheme of life.

You can start legal proceedings now, or attempt some kind of mediation. You need to think through what is best for you.

 

[sammy01]

I agree with the other poster - meet the kids at the park. Right now you're no doubt struggling with all this. So make no big life changing decisions right now. But be smart. So when you go to the park - lock up the house really well. Why? Well, you don't wanna find out that at the end of the park visit, she has moved back into the house and changed the locks on you....

I have to tell ya that I don't have a lot of faith in 'Aspergers'. Mate, everyone is Aspergers in some way or another - doesn't make you a bad parent. I even had a workmate whose wife would not let him see the kids because she said he had Aspergers. The guy was a school teacher - he spent all day with other people's kids - yet could not spend time with his own child because the ex had decided he had Aspergers.

Now no more confessions to the ex. I know you're having a hard time - but telling her about how emotionally difficult you're finding this is not a good idea.

Call Relationships Australia - get booked in for mediation. It probably won't work but it is your first step....

 

[Friction]

So I agreed to meet with her and the kids at the park and she said she would message me in the morning to tell me what time. I hadn't heard from her by 10:30, so I messaged her to ask what time she was going, but I didn't get a reply.

I messaged her ago at 12:30 asking her why she was making this situation hard - still no reply. At about 5, I still hadn't heard from her guessing that she had changed her mind and was ignoring me, I decide to go over to her parent's house where she is staying and see the kids.

I knock on the door and the mother-in-law answers and ask "can I help you?" like I'm some stranger. I ask if I can see the kids and she tells me that they are in the shower. I thought that was a bit strange as there are 5 of them and the shower isn't big enough for all of them, so I asked all of them, and she replied "yes". So I said I would wait until they have finished. She says that I will have to wait outside and I reply "of course".

I patiently wait outside for maybe 10 minutes and nobody has come out to see me, so I'm guessing she doesn't want me to see them, so I text her again saying "I'm not going away until the I've seen the kids". I also knock on the door at this time. After waiting for a few more minutes, I begin to get impatient and start knock every few minutes and occasionally calling out to the kids so they can hear me and know that I am the one knocking and that I want to see them. Still no answer.

I text her again "Do you want me to get the police involved?" hoping that this will pressure her into letting me see the kids. Still no reply. I'm still knocking on the door and calling out to the kids. I message her again saying "This won't look good for you when I ring the police and family law".

By this time I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and she has probably rung the police herself to get me to leave (which I secretly hope she has because then I can tell them what's going on). I keep knocking and calling out the kids and eventually the police do show up. As the officers start walking up the driveway I say "Great, you can help me see my kids".

One officer stays with me and gets my side while the other goes inside to talk to my wife. After about 20 minutes the police come out and tell me that some of the kids are scared and don't want to see me, but the others do want to see me. So they ask if it is fine with them coming outside with the police watching, I say "that's fine". So in the end, all 5 kids end up coming out and I start crying as they come and hug me and we tell each other "I love you" and "I miss you".

We chat for 20 - 30 minutes before I tell them goodbye. The police then tell me my wife wants to talk to me before I go and ask if that's ok. I say sure. The first thing she tells me is that the relationship is over. Then she tells me that she has applied for a DVO and it will be served to me in the next day or so.

The first thing that comes to my mind is I have no place to. I have no friends, and my family is in NSW. Where am I supposed to go? Is there anything I can do to either avoid the DVO or fight it before I am served with it?

Sorry for the lack of grammar. I had to get that all out of my head.

 

[sammy01]

OK, I am going to try and be nice, but look I'm gonna be blunt. You have come here looking for help and you have ignored it all.

Nope, there is nothing you can do about the DVO. An interim DVO will be served on you. You're better off going to the cops and picking it up because they will come to your work and find you. The DVO will have terms and conditions on it. Read them - ask the cops if you don't understand them and follow them.

You would be amazed how many men are in jail for breaching the terms of an DVO. You will then have 2 choices - Accept the terms of the DVO without admission or fight it in court. I recommend accepting it. You could spend thousands trying to defend yourself with barristers, etc and even if you win, you still won't be seeing your kids and you have given them all the evidence she needs to get the DVO to stick.

Rocking up to her parents' house and not leaving can easily be twisted to create the perception that you scared her and that is all she needs to get the DVO to stick.

I would encourage you to pack clothes, etc before you leave the house. Why? Well, if one of the terms of the DVO is that you're not allowed to go to the house, you will find yourself homeless.

So clear out the bank accounts - put all the money somewhere she can't access it. You are going to need money to get a rental and you're probably gonna need money for a solicitor.

Call Relationships Australia to organise mediation. Once you get served the DVO, you will not be allowed to talk to the ex. So Relationships Australia can organise mediation without breaching the DVO.

Now read the next bit twice - make sure you understand. Do nothing stupid and that means it is probably for the best if you do nothing at all. If you want to see your kids and have a meaningful relationship with them then it is really important you do nothing stupid.

Do not give her grounds to maintain her argument that she is scared of you. I have been in your situation and especially around Christmas it is terrible, but it will get better as long as you make good decisions.