Your husband is currently being guided by his solicitor, and I would say his solicitor has given correct advice by telling him to minimise his contact with you. The reason I say this is because he's now on trial for a criminal matter that may result in a conviction, and it would be unwise of him to engage in conversation with the primary witness, especially if that witness has indicated a belief that 'he never loved me, doesn't care' and as a result, 'WILL present this evidence'.
At which point did I indicate TO MY HUSBAND that I will present this evidence?
Firstly the Police already have evidence from a previous occasion when I managed to not have him charged
Additionally, I want to point out that as a witness, your role is not to commit a satisfactory character assassination of your husband in court.
I really hope you have nothing to do with the law (a solicitor) because if you can deduce that I am going to / 'commit a character assassination of my husband in court/ from what I said it leaves much to be considered.
Your role is to provide a factual account of the assault for which he is being charged, and providing evidence that is unrelated to the assault may jeopardise your credibility as a witness because the court may perceive you as being 'out for blood' against your husband.
I am ONLY providing factual account of the assault and the evidence is with regard to an other previous incident of assault. Furthermore I am far from 'out for blood'. I love my husband but HE committed the offence and the only blood that was spilled was mine. I also did not want a charge the Police took care of that because I HAD to call them.
I also want to speak woman to woman because I can relate to your feelings, and I can relate to the law.
First, I think it's important to appreciate the difficult position your husband is currently in.
I am aware of the position my husband is in, but you need to be aware that HE alone put himself there. You are making a lot of assumptions with no facts. I am not exactly spilling the beans on this forum with regard to what has happened
He is no doubt experiencing some emotional conflicts of his own at the moment, such as perhaps feeling betrayed by you, too, particularly if you have threatened that you will lay to bare all of the domestic challenges you've experienced throughout your marriage.
seeing as an AVO has been placed on my husband by the Police I haven't THREATENED anything as there is NO contact. My husband has never been betrayed by me, as in fact I am dealing with conflicting emotions because I have covered for him when he threw me against the corner of a door and I got four fractured ribs. He is a professional, as I am and I was concerned about the repercussions, but a second time is enough.
However, your feelings of anger and hurt are not your husband's primary concern right now because the risk that he may be convicted of a criminal charge takes priority. It's unwise to take this personally - he must act to defend and protect himself first and foremost as he prepares for trial to give himself the best chance of being acquitted. My husband is facing a criminal charge because the Police had reason to charge him and I can do nothing other than take it personally as it can't get more personal than being assaulted by your husband and yes, I am angry, I have reason to be and extremely embarrassed too. Realistically he should not be acquitted, he should be accountable, but would I rather it hadn't happened... of course.
I also think it's important to be realistic about the situation. The proceedings are out of your control. It's simply not something that can be fixed with a bunch of flowers and an apology like in most other domestic disputes, and threatening him with intentions to vilify him in court probably doesn't appear to him to be the actions of a loving wife, either, so he's undoubtedly in a confusing place at the moment.
vilify him in court probably doesn't appear to him to be the actions of a loving wife,/
I do truly hope that you are not involved in DV law as your assumptions are somewhat alarming. However the attributional errors you have made about my intentions have helped me refocus on my own needs rather than worrying about my husbands. Logically I need to walk away from him and of course accepting that our marriage is over, means concentrating on the harrowing experience I will have going to court after experiencing the abuse. I have worried about my husband too long. So in a backwards way, you have helped me.
I must note though, that in fact there could be a protective order and a couple still be together, primary witness or not. It is only because of how the law is in Australia that ‘no contact’ rather than ‘no hostility’ is enforced thereby ending possible reconciliation or preventative strategies.
In perspective, I do wish you the best and hope things work out, but I also urge you to appreciate the very harrowing experience your husband is facing with the criminal proceedings. He also doesn't have the support of his wife because she is a primary witness. Unfortunately, this is going to have a significant and adverse impact on your shared relationship and it's illogical to suggest that it won't.
I think you will benefit significantly from some counselling to help you sort through your emotions and consider your respective priorities
