SA Intervention Order (Restraining Order) - Assault by Husband

[ddsaw]

Hi. My husband assaulted me and the police put on an Intervention Order (restraining order). I had to call to ensure it didn't escalate. I had no idea an Intervention Order was for 12 months or longer. Whilst it was the police who placed the Intervention Order, they put in the statement that I sought it. I didn't (I believe it would be considered implicit on calling them out).

I do not accept abuse, but I am left in a bad situation and as it is his first offence I am being told that without obvious physical injuries (I wasn't injured but definitely assaulted) that it remains his word against mine. I am a good witness and can furnish evidence. I was hoping and thinking that it would be a good behaviour bond and possible counselling and could hope to work things through. The Police prosecutor requested a variation on the Intervention Order to allow us to communicate by telephone and in a public place.

At court, his lawyer has said 'no'. I know that the lawyer will advise him, but that the lawyer also acts on his requests. Or marriage was going very well until this blow up over something unexpected. If my husband wants no contact, it is the opposite of anything he has ever said, so I don't know if it is his lawyer or him. However, it has the affect of making me feel more betrayed by him.

The thing is, I am now even angrier and if he has taken the attitude or pleading not guilty when he knows what he did. It will not be good for him when he goes to trial, as I have other evidence that he and certainly his lawyer knows nothing of. I was recording a shopping list when he had 'gone off; one time before and it was recorded, as it was still open. Even though it wasn't the recent incident, it will establish that he has done this in the past.

I am the main witness, he has always been very loving (except this and yes, I know it is not good at all but I believed salvageable with help). I believe that if he had communication with me, we could have seen if we can work on things and he could have put forward that he was trying to do the right thing. It seems his lawyer is intent to go down the adversarial path and it has the effect of me now believing he never loved me, doesn't care and I WILL present this evidence. I know he will then get a conviction. The prosecutor thinks it very strong too. It means that our marriage is definitely over, with no possibility of reconciliation with support and he will be convicted.

Wouldn't he have been better to take a guilty plea and have it mitigated with me on his side if he would undertake counselling?

I think his lawyer has removed the only real hope he might have had with me as the witness. I will also stand as a very credible witness as I am a professional and articulate with no criminal record and by the time it goes to court I will feel no bond with him at all. Especially when I believe now that he had advised his lawyer and having no way to know if he is just scared and listening to his lawyer using a one size fits all approach.

Any help from people in the know? Lawyer etc
Thank you

 

[Ivy]

Hi there,

Can you please provide some more information.
You have referred to a trial, the prosecutor and pleading "not guilty". Has your husband been charged with assault?

An intervention order is not a criminal charge. It sounds as though the police made an interim order which has been made permanent by the court. Or did the court enforce the interim order and postpone the hearing until more information was gathered?

Can you please confirm why you are going back to court? Is it for a criminal charge or another hearing about the intervention order?

Is your husband applying for the order to be dropped?

 

[ddsaw]

Hello Ivy

He was charged with assault and has pleaded 'not guilty', although he most definitely is, so it is set for trial.
He has accepted the IO, so I would say that he has advised his lawyer in that direction rather than his lawyer suggesting it. So it will be going to trial. I realise now that he has betrayed me in more ways than one. He has now lost any possibility of working through anything with me, it's the only way I can look at it, his choice, (probably best for me in the long term) so I will be seeing him in court. Thank you for your reply

 

[ddsaw]

PS @Ivy This was the problem, I wasn't able to attend court so I have no idea what went on. I should think the IO has been made permanent by the court and the trial for the assault is set down for later.

 

[Ivy]

Hi again,

Do you have any other legal questions?

 

[ddsaw]

Hi Ivy
Yes I do. I now don't know if it is my husbands choice to not communicate with me or his solicitor using that strategy. They are saying that email is allowed but the topic is restricted to divorce. I still love my husband and would hope that some mediation could have been involved, even though I know that his behaviour is unacceptable. I now feel that the state is controlling what I can even say to my husband, as if I try to establish communication will be considered or stated as harassment! I wanted him to stop his behaviour, not run to an immediate divorce. If I called his lawyer, I doubt he will tell me anything. I also wrote a very short email to my husband more than a week ago about our property and no response. We were very close up until that moment (but he has done it twice before... I know not good but he started to see a counsellor on his own...didn't help).

I am here now thinking that he actually doesn't care. I am hurt and angry and I can only think that if I was a lawyer, I would want to know how the couple really feel about one another as salvaging the relationship could get her clients charge mitigated. This way I feel completely cheated by him abused and then no remorse and discarding me. That means I will be saying it's over and he is not getting away with assaulting me. We've only been married 15 months. What I am saying is that it seems his lawyer is moving toward a conviction and the marriage being over. I am thinking he might be trying to use the strategy that somehow it's my fault too (not true at all. I didn't even argue) and that if my husband walks away from the marriage he's showing that it is 'the relationship' rather than his issue. I am confused and feel as if our marriage has no chance for reconciliation with something enforced to have him change his behaviour. I don't know that talking to his lawyer will help and I really don't want to be hurt more, by him telling me nothing or that my husband wants a divorce (he never wanted that before). I am so angry with him now for this mess and emotionally I can't believe our marriage is over without being able to try to work it out. I know that sounds confused. I am

 

[ddsaw]

PS hope this makes sense/
I want to tell my husband I love him but his behaviour is not acceptable and ask if HE wants to work on our marriage, but now I feel that I can't say anything. Also my pride also won't want to tell him that if HE is the one who gave his lawyer the direction that he didn't want to contact. I don't want to one day find out that he wanted to work it all out and was just taking his lawyers advice.....oh I am so confused hurt and then I get really angry as I feel even more betrayed now help!!!!! I am sounding like an idiot I know

 

[Ivy]

Hi again,

I'm sorry to hear of the stress that you are under. However I cannot see your legal question.
Your husband's solicitor has a duty to act in your husband's best interest. He would have looked at the situation and the evidence against your husband and used this to advise him. If the terms of the intervention order are that there is no contact between the two of you and your husband makes contact with you, this will not look good for him during the assault trial.

Have you spoken with the DPP Office to prepare for the assault case against your husband? If you have any questions about the case, you should contact them.

I also suggest that you speak with a family counsellor and get as much support for yourself as you can during this time.

 

[ddsaw]

thank you Ivy

the order allows email contact but I was told {Police prosecutor) it is restricted to property settlement only. I am unsure of how email can be allowed and yet no communication about anything else? I understand anything about the case cannot be discussed, but would this mean if how I felt, or our relationship was mentioned that it could be called harassment? Surely the law still needs to recognise that we are married? I haven't received the Order yet, to see for myself what is on there. Just what the police said about the change to the interim order. If he doesn't want to discuss our relationship and has said this to his solicitor, it would help if he told me it was from him and not just a legal tactic.
I talked with the Prosecutor but they haven't really followed up with anything. It is making me feel that our marriage is ended but he is the one with all the help

 

[ddsaw]

PS you are very kind Ivy for taking the time to answer me thank you