QLD Ex refused to go to mediation what next?

[Tommo]

So my ex and I broke up almost a year ago now. We have a son that we share custody of. As of now there are no official documents etc that state the arrangements we have agreed too. Of course the big one is custody. We both agreed initially that it would be 50/50 and the only reason for me taking things further to mediation is because of late we argue over everything week in week out and it's doing my head in because we can't agree on things. There's also things my ex does that really isn't fair in a 50/50 situation that i was hoping a parenting plan might help fix. One example would be giving me no notice of holidays she takes him on that go into my week with him. And lately whenever we argue she brings up custody as if she's gonna take him from me.

I understand that it's highly unlikely that she has enough of a case to make against me for her to actually take custody of him the main reason for me attempting to get a parenting plan sorted is just so I have some sort of back up should she keep breaching our current word agreement. It could also allow me to move on from these threats of custody I just want it to be 50/50 and no other issues its really starting to get stressful when we have these fights each week.

However I've gone to mediation and now found out she has refused as the mediator has sent me a 60I form.

I believe the next step is court but was just wondering if anyone had some advice as in is it worth it for my sanity. I understand that court orders are quite difficult to change once in place and that I may still have to get her to agree to it? How does that work? All i want is a plan in place so we both know what the agreement is and I can move on with my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

 

[AllForHer]

Well, after mediation is an initiating application for parenting orders through the Federal Circuit Court of Australia.

The run down is that you file the application together with a minute of orders sought and an affidavit of evidence supporting why the orders are in the best interests of the child.

If you've worked together reasonably amicably for a year in equal care, there's a very good chance that you'll settle the matter by consent rather than go to trial, but filing might give your ex the nudge she needs to get it all formalised in parenting orders.

How old is your kid?

 

[Tommo]

Well, after mediation is an initiating application for parenting orders through the Federal Circuit Court of Australia.

The run down is that you file the application together with a minute of orders sought and an affidavit of evidence supporting why the orders are in the best interests of the child.

If you've worked together reasonably amicably for a year in equal care, there's a very good chance that you'll settle the matter by consent rather than go to trial, but filing might give your ex the nudge she needs to get it all formalised in parenting orders.

How old is your kid?

Hi thanks for the reply I don't really feel to comfortable telling you his exact age but lets just say hes young between 5-10. I guess you could say things have been "amicable".

However the split was due to her having an affair.
So to say the least there has been fights disagreements etc over what to do on important dates and who should be there.
I feel as though having something on paper that is somewhat binding would allow me to breath a sigh of relief because at the moment one minute its threats like "my current lover will sell his house so we can pay for our legal fees to
take full custody of our son" then the next day she wants to be friends and is sending me photos of our son on her week etc.

All i want is a piece of paper that tells whoever it needs to that we're 50/50 so these petty arguments and threats can stop. I was hoping mediation and parenting plan would be enough but she's refused that.
If you're suggesting consent orders i'm correct in saying she has to sign and agree? Which she won't. So what does that leave me with exactly and is it worth it? Perhaps I shouldn't be as worried about her threats?

 

[AllForHer]

You are correct that consent orders require agreement from both parties, but what I'm talking about are plain, old parenting orders - the orders that the Court makes when the parents can't agree.

You are also correct that having orders in place will put some enforceable boundaries and rules in place for the benefit of your kid. Without parenting orders, there are no rules - mum can simply to decide to stop sharing custody, as can you, but hopefully, neither of you are that stupid. Having parenting orders in place gives you and her a place to turn to if one of you decides to stop playing ball.

You can represent yourself in proceedings. It's not as difficult as many might believe, and indeed, if you've already been sharing custody for a year, it should be a very simple matter to determine.

 

[sammy01]

Some basics.
Get a diary. Write when you have him. Don't miss a beat.
Learn to download text messages or communicate via email. The purpose is to create solid evidence that it is 50/50.
Do yoga and Thai Chi... Yep go with me on this one... I'll explain later. But having a solid paper trail to prove that 50/50 is happening is a good start... Get 6-9 months of paperwork then get back to us..

Now - are you paying child support? Are you aware that you're probably entitled to some family tax benefit? Sorry but the more info you supply the better.
So the kid is over 5yrs of age. Sweet age isn't an issue...

So back to court. Get your diary and emails. Get 6-9 months of solid evidence of 50/50... because once you apply to court you might see your time with the kid stop / get reduced. The argument and the stress of court is gonna blow up in your face.... hence the yoga...

So before you apply to court just go to court - take a day off work and go sit in at the federal circuit court on family court day. Sit through the procession of blokes trying to get more time with their kid, or to see their kids at all... Just might give you some perspective...

So my advice... yoga and thai chi... Mate if you're having the kid roughly 50/50 you have won more than many and without even having to go to court. Sure it is bloody annoying when she mucks you around this way or that every other week... NO DOUBT... But guess what? There are plenty of scenarios that even with court orders are heaps worse. See once you get those bits of paper that explains the 'rules' what if she changes her mind, every once in a while? Doesn't stop you seeing the kid, just decides to swap weekends because she wants the kid this weekend and the next.. Who are you going to call? the police? they won't help...
Let me give you an example. Mate of mine has been to court, spent 10's of thousands of $ on solicitors... He has to drive 2 hours up the coast to pick his kid up for his weekend, he gets one weekend a month. She has to drive 2 hours down the coast to drop the kid off.... This is court orders... She does not follow the orders and her favourite trick? She doesn't call him on Thursday night to say she wont be there on Friday afternoon (as per the orders) NOPE she waits until 5.30pm on the Friday... She waits until he has arrived at the meeting point ONLY THEN does she call to let him know.. So now he has to drive 2 hours back home WITHOUT the kid... BUT he has court orders...

So back to yoga and thai chi... See I think you might be best just to learn to stress less and be grateful that you are not having to go to court just to see your kid...

I wish I'd have dealt with this as well as my best mate... He is a smart punter... He just smiled and agreed as long as he was getting to see the kids, he just let it all go... She would complain that he forgot to pack the kids sports gear, for example.. So he goes out and buys a second set of sports gear, one for his house one for her's... (madness I thought - but when I asked him his answer was smart.... He could spend money on solicitors at $500 an hour, or he could spend a hell of a lot less by doing stuff like buying the second set of sport clothes OR what ever it took to keep the ex off his case....) smart punter... AND the kids got it... Mum whinges, dad tries to fix it.. Dad fixes it BUT mum keeps whinging...

Don't spend money on court - spend it in learning to relax - yoga and thai chi... AND you will live longer because stress kills, your hair will not go grey and fall out before the kid starts high school and you will be a better parent because you have learnt to be smarter than to play stupid childish games and your child will respect you all the more for it...

Final thought - you don't need a law forum. You need to get some advice on how to get strategic in dealing with her. When you learn to not let her get to you, your life will improve. Read the next bit twice because it is bloody good advice. No court can order an irrational, rude and angry person to become rational, polite and courteous. I can honestly tell you that when I learnt not to react to my ex's stupidity my life started improving and no bits of paper from a court can make that happen...