Ex is threatening to withhold kids

[nuffi]

Hey there,

We have an agreement that I collect the kids from outside her place on Saturday mornings. She was the one that suggested that, I did not want it to be at my place, so I agreed readily.

It's been a year without incident. She lives on a very major road, and there are 4 car spaces out the front of her place, at least is always filled by her car. Often they are all full.

I would pull up behind the car spaces and wait in the car for the kids to come out. Today she has said that is "illegal" and "unsafe" and that she will not allow the kids to come out unless I am legally parked.

I checked and it turns out that it is a no standing zone, and not just a no parking zone as I always assumed.

She has reiterated how dangerous it is out the front of her place, and I suggested that we make a neutral venue in the mid point between our houses (a car park at a community centre that we have both takenb the kids to).

She reponded that this would be in breach of the agreement, and I must be out the front of her place, safely parked before she will allow the children to come out.

Almost always, I cannot comply bceause the spaces are filled.

I made the suggestion, given that she asserts out the front of her place is dangerous, that we change the venue to the car park of a community center between our places. She responded with: "No, the orders clearly state the time and place for pick ups and drop offs. Your inability to comply with a simple request to park your vehicle legally and safely demonstrate a complete disregard for teh law and also for the safety of your children"

I pointed out that the legal spaces out the front of her house are often filled, leaving no choice but to do what I've done.

What happens next. Can she do this legally...? What is my recourse if she does? I have no money for lawyers, though it appears that she does.

Is it a duty of the police to enforce family orders? Can I call on them? Is suggesting a neutral venue an appropriate response? Is the suggestion of a community centre also appropriate? What other places are there?

TIA for any help.

nuffi

 

[Noel Harris]

If your parenting order specifies a time and place for changeover, both parents are expected to comply with it, and a parent generally can't unilaterally refuse to hand over the children because of a dispute over exactly where a car is parked, provided you're making a genuine, reasonable effort to comply and there's no real safety issue with the children themselves. That said, if the location genuinely is a no standing zone, continuing to stop there does put you technically in breach of road rules, which isn't ideal, even though it's a separate issue from whether she can lawfully withhold the children.

Refusing to release children for a reason unrelated to their safety, where an order specifies otherwise, can itself amount to a contravention of the order on her part. Your suggestion of a neutral venue is a sensible, practical solution, but changing a changeover location that's specified in an order isn't something either party can insist on unilaterally either, even with good intentions, so getting it agreed in writing (even informally by text or email) is the safest path, or seeking a formal variation if agreement can't be reached. Police involvement in civil parenting disputes like this is generally limited; they can act where there's a genuine safety risk or an actual breach being committed in front of them, but they won't typically arbitrate a location dispute. Getting advice from a specialist in child custody and living arrangements will help you formalise a workable changeover arrangement and advise on your options if she continues to withhold the children.

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Disclaimer: Please note information in this response is general in nature and should not be treated as legal advice. It may not be complete or up to date for your specific situation. Independent legal advice is always recommended.