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WA What to Do About Violence Restraining Order Against Me?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by SG 66, 7 June 2016.

  1. SG 66

    SG 66 Active Member

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    :( Hi and I hope you maybe able to help.

    The long story short is my wife and I had a business together (we were both directors). Her parents were going through the supreme court with a case that they couldn't win (they didn't suffer any loss). I found accounts that she had been paying for them and a car that her father had bought through our company and my wife had paid for last year. When I found out about the car and the many other transactions, I was told that the parents had paid the money back. Unfortunately, now I find that that's not the case.

    So a few months ago, the parents lost the case and everything with it.

    About a week after, one of my kids (I have 4 kids) said to me that Mum had asked if it would be ok if the grandparents moved in the house. The next week she caused an argument over the money missing and leaving the youngest two at home alone and trying to feed them spoilt food. I did get cross and called her a DC. She took off with the kids and came back the next day.

    Over the next two weeks, things were ok and settled down. She gave me a letter saying I could stay until June. On the third week on Tuesday, she asked in the morning if she could go on an overseas holiday for 5 days with a girlfriend of hers in around 3 months time, no problem for me as she had been away before.

    That afternoon, I see an email from the accountant saying she had resigned as a director of the company. Also at this stage, we were in negotiations to purchase another business for cash. She told me that she did this because she didn't want anything to do with the new business and wanted to separate.

    After a chat, she agreed to let me stay until the new business had settled as we were working from a home office. The next night(Wednesday), I was working in the home office and stumbled upon a bank transfer to her father for 30k then I found that she had transferred our funds from a joint account to an account just in her name she had move the whole amount 5 times over the past 12 months.

    So that night, I asked her to meet me at the bank the next morning after school drop off so we could lock the majority away and set up an account each (there were funds missing again).

    So 9.30, I'm at the bank waiting and she doesn't turn up. She was at the magistrates court getting a VRO instead picked all the kids up early from school and didn't come home that night.

    I went to work the next day (it was good Friday and our 16 wedding anniversary) got home and about an hour later received the VRO at the door with a half an hour to leave. I tried to explain the home office and the money she gave her parents but that didn't matter.

    The police said that they have been giving the VRO's out like parking tickets and the women use them to get the men out of the house and black mail them with it later. It has now been almost 11 weeks since I have seen my kids and she has gone back on every promise to vary the VRO and let me see them.

    I have done the counciling things she has been dragging it all out as far as she can. She wants to settle to property side of things as soon as we can (I'm going to leave the marriage with less money than she shipped to her father) and she wants 70/30 of what's left.

    She will leave me just enough money to purchase to new business. The VRO has been so destructive to me and the business that we had as I couldn't operate it with out an office or the internet.

    The court date to fight the VRO is the end of September, six months from when I received it.

    I miss my kids so much they are 13,11,9.and 4.

    She has also taken the kids to a psychologist and she is saying the psychologists are saying that I will need supervised visits when I even do get to see them. I have been in despair for some time now and it's just one thing after the other and no one cares all I seem to get from them is oh bad luck she got the VRO first.

    My solicitor keeps saying the property is one thing the kids are another and the VRO is another.
    She has told people she only got the VRO so she wouldn't loose control of the money and the kids.

    What can I do from here?

    Any help would be great


    Thank you:(
     
  2. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

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    Ok, so stay calm. The solicitor is right. The VRO / finances / kids are all separate matters. So right now the ex has lots of control and she is abusing it. Good. Why?

    Well, you know where you stand - she is gonna fight hard. Better that than what happens in some cases, where one parent says I'd never stop you from seeing the kids to butter up the other parent when it comes to asset division, so you know where you stand...

    My thoughts - stop paying for everything. Don't pay a cent towards any joint assets. Cancel all payments. Start saving money for court. Next, refuse any conversations about money until the child access is sorted. Get to mediation and as soon as that fails, get to court. ASAP.

    Stay calm and stay strong. Get as much emotional support as you can. Mate, right now she is controlling everything and that sucks but it won't last.

    So be patient.
     
  3. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Sammy. Money is the only short term way you have of getting her to relent on other matters. Forget trying to reason with her at the moment, she sees no need to and no intention to reason with you especially when she has embezzled money and doesn't want to be held to account for it.

    Use the one advantage you have, while working on the legal issues that are just beginning.

    Start an audit of all 'loans and gifts' paid out and not returned asap. Work out the true extent of the fraud/embezzlement that occurred. It will help the lawyer plan out how best to help you.

    Do not trust what she is saying about the psychologists. You may need to talk to them yourself about what is best for the kids. Important to recognise you want what is best for kids, not what you need.

    BTW, did you dispute the VRO? You should. Dispute the assertions if they are not true so your side is on record, not just hers.
     
  4. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member

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    And it is OK to be up down and all over the place emotionally. You are going through a very stressful time.

    You may not not know it, but you are probably starting the grieving process. See this: The 5 Stages of Grief and Other Lies That Don't Help Anyone

    I thought I would get over mine in 3 months, then 6 months, then 12 months. Nope. During this difficult time keep remembering it is normal to go through a whole range of emotions. Just keep going one day at time, don't give up and you will see your kids again.
     
  5. MartyK

    MartyK Well-Known Member

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    You have a solicitor? Haven't seen the children in 11 weeks? You intend on contesting the VRO?

    Talk to your solicitor about making an urgent application for parenting orders to the Federal Circuit Court. There is no need to wait until September. You have been slapped with an Interim VRO and can bypass mediation.

    Make sure your solicitor knows you intend to contest the VRO. They can raise it at the the 1st Court date. You can include property settlement in the application. Discuss this also with your solicitor. Order of importance - 1. seeing kids?, 2. contest VRO?, 3. property?
     
  6. SG 66

    SG 66 Active Member

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    Thanks Martyk,

    I will bring that up with the solicitor. All this to cover up the money missing and keep control. The money has all been lost in her father's failed court case.

    Just so frustrating that it all takes so long.
     
  7. MartyK

    MartyK Well-Known Member

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    Sorry. Realised you're in WA so it will be the Family Court of WA not the Federal Circuit Court.
     

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