SA separation while keeping family house

[Bi Young]

Breadwinner > 10 yrs (two kids). Own a house (jointly with my wife) with 30% mortgage that needs to be paid for the next 20 yrs.

My wife asks me to move out while she keeps the house and kids. I am telling her that child custody and property settlement should be agreed first before separation. But, she doesn’t want to do that now. She wants to keep the house (also wants me to keep paying the debts), and wants to keep using my credit card for living cost and kids’ education) after separation.

She says “you move out first, and then you can claim the property entitlement after a few years”. Would a separation be possible without any legal agreement? If I move out without any legal agreement, it seems that I abandon the kids and property, which is far from the true. Any legal advice would be appreciated.

 

[tigerman2705]

Hi - spend the cash and get yourself a lawyer. Speaking from experience don't let it stretch out - get the ball rolling sooner rather than later, and DO NOT trust anything she says from here on in. It's all about looking after your interests and the interests of the kids. Thankfully I had a good solicitor but I have heard stories from others who weren't as lucky. Make use of the free initial first consultation that some offer and go from there...

 

[sammy01]

Ok, look, you're not gonna get far if that is her starting point. Respectfully, she seems to want to divorce you while maintaining an intimate relationship with your wallet.
My advice - ask yourself what you want your future to look like then start getting advice from where ever you can to make that happen. Getting advice here is a good idea. So what sort of time do you want with the kids? Have you looked at how child support works?

Look apart from anything else, you cant do asset division in a few years - well you can, but any $$ you spend between now and then is gone. So for example, you can get an agreement NOW that states she can stay in the house for the next 5 yrs for example.... And that you pay the mortgage for all that time - IF that is something you're prepared to do... But when the house sells you would want all those payments factored into the asset division.

But it gets messy. Much better off getting it sorted asap. Look there is a horrible reality here. You might not be able to see it, but based on what you've written it seems pretty obvious that she is going to try and remain married to your income, whhile divorcing you....

 

[SRL1]

My wife asks me to move out while she keeps the house and kids.

Why do you have be the one to move out? If I were you I'd tell her to move out, especially if she's the one pushing for the separation.

The house is jointly owned and presumably you are paying the mortgage, so you have as much right as her to be the one to stay (assuming you are willing and able to look after and support the kids).

 

[sammy01]

SRL1 - yeah, that is nice in a gender neutral world.... But... we don't live in one of them. Merely suggesting she move out could be percieved as coesive control...ffs

 

[SRL1]

Ok, in that case OP can simply refuse to move out ... no one can force him out without a court order.

 

[tigerman2705]

Ok, in that case OP can simply refuse to move out ... no one can force him out without a court order.

Intervention orders are handed out very free and easily and can get him out of the house quicker than he probably realises. I was able to grab a hoodie and my laptop.