Sorry to hear about this.
Have a quick read about this article on "character assasination in Family Law":
Character Assassination in Family Law
The problem is that it probably wouldn't count legally as defamation for a few reasons, first that there is an exception to defamation called "absolute privilege" where statements made in court cannot ordinarily be prosecuted for defamation:
Qualified privilege defence to defamation
I think this is one of many reasons why proceedings in Family Court are sealed (closed to the public).
There are a few things I can share that will hopefully help you:
- Family Court procedings are supposed to be sealed and private.
- The judges and professionals involved have heard and seen it all; they typically take these statements with a pinch of salt. Judges would ordinarily know that serious allegations of r**e and child abuse have a high burden of proof. They are also typically good judges of character and will hopefully be able to see through some of the allegations.
- A VRO, while embarassing and stressful, is also not typically the end of the world. It is not the same as a criminal record, and simply prevents you from interacting with the other side outside of certain circumstances. It does not affect your ability to travel, get a job, nor does it go on your record, etc.
- The "defamation" that you received inside the court room, should ordinarily not affect your reputation outside of the court room.
If any allegations are said about you outside of the court room, that is a different matter. Then you may consider defamation, but it can be expensive. Be sure to collect evidence as you go. If there are Facebook posts, take screenshots (include the number of likes and who liked it) and any replies. If you hear about defamatory allegations against you, keep notes of dates, times, people etc. Thus, if/when you sue for defamation, you have all the evidence and data ready to go. First you have to send a "Concerns Notice" which costs $1,000–$2,500 (you can technically write it yourself for free) which outlines all the defamation and asks the person to stop and remove the defamatory publications. If the Concerns Notice doesn't work, and you proceed to trial, it will probably cost you $30,000–$100,000 for a defamation trial