VIC Post mediation going downhill fast. Advice for dad wanting to see child

[sammy01]

Meandmygirl... You might wanna start your own thread with your question. But I'll give you an answer and then you can get all abusive. Let me start by noting this thread was started by a bloke wanting advice on how to get to see their kid. Your contribution is to ask a question about how to prevent a dad seeing their kid? I mean this with the upmost respect... WTF?

Firstly, NSW? QLD? Doesn't matter the family law act is a federal piece of legislation. It applies the same in all states.

If there is an established history of child abuse or allegations of child abuse then supervision could be ordered. Dad might have to accept supervision if that is all you're prepared to offer in the interim, until a judge can make a final order....

If the father has not had contact for 4 months and it is because he has been in rehab or jail... The supervision would be reasonable.

If on the other hand dad hasn't seen the kid in 4 months because mum is doing all she can to prevent access, well, that is a different story. Just a casual observation, parents leave kids in child care centres etc with total strangers.... But somehow doing the same with the father is a problem?

Look one parent can absolutely use the court system to prevent the other parent seeing their kid. But surely, a better option would be to find a compromise... Leave the kid with dad for 2 hours.... Then 4 hours.... etc etc. If your argument is dad cant see the kid because dad hasn't seen the kid, then there is an easy solution. Let the dad see the kid.... BTW - 2 hours with dad isn't gonna cause your kid to grow up to be an ice addict and unless there is an established history of child abuse then I'd suggest this option is the better one.

 

[sammy01]

wow - have you considered anger management?
U'm my kids live with me.
Oh, and the info I provided was accurate based on the information provided.... BUT you came here. Asked a question. Then told me I know nothing. If you know so much, why do you even need to ask?
Regardless, the answer I provided was based on your first post. I suggested court ordered supervision is best avoided if possible.

By the way - Since you want to go on the attack. The dad - That is such a horrible human being. That guy.... You f****d him.... Go look in the mirror and think that thru.

 

[Rod]

@meandmygirl

Please start your own thread, if you haven't already done so, where we can respond to your queries rather than taking over threads started by others.

I also suggest reading the community guidelines for this forum:

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Happy to assist where possible and time permits.

 

[sammy01]

Look, it is considered poor form to rail road someone else thread when you can start your own. But don't let common sense or good etiquette get in your way.

U'm, If you had asked about the chances of unsupervised visits for a dad with drug addiction and hasn't got a spare room then I would have said, nope, supervised visits would be more appropriate.

But here is the problem. You have not exactly clearly communicated a question. Has dad applied to court? have you done mediation? You're pregnant? is he also the father of this kid? That sort of thing. Might be a good idea if you wash your mouth out with soap too. Just a thought.

 

[sammy01]

Nope it is not your fault that I didn't read it all. Frankly, if was so full of vitriol and aggression that I skimmed over it. Fairly likely nobody will ever read your nonsense.
Ok, so you're asking if dad would be given assess to the child through court. But the dad hasn't applied to court?

Yeah, I reckon you're right he is only doing this because he is jealous. You seem like quite the catch. OR he realised that it would be pointless applying for orders in the first 2 yrs because of 'primary attachment theory'. You alread know everything so I won't bother explaining primary attachment theory.

Soo yup he does mediation. You either come to some sort of agreement, or you don't. If you do - great. Maybe ask for a clean drug test... You could also request that for the first 3-6 months his mum be present. That all seems reasonable.

I've provided a dictionary definition of reasonable below because you don't seem familiar with the word

Reasonable - having sound judgement; fair and sensible.

 

[sammy01]

look, good to see you've lost some of your attitude.
Be mindful, asking for drug screening invites him to do the same of you.

For what it is worth. If he applies for mediation, I'd strongly encourage you to put your own negative perception of the guy behind and work on a reasonable compromise. Chances are he can't afford court which is the only option. I understand you dont like the guy, but a chid deserves to know their parents. Both of them.

 

[sammy01]

Yeah look I can certianly answer your questions about legal aid and what he may have to pay for. But I'm not gonna. Get back to me with a head count of all the potty mouth words (feel free to ball park it, I reckon 20 would be a good estimate) you used and follow it up with an apology and I'll happily give you advice. I don't give out good advice freely to people who feel entitled to abuse me. I'm a bit funny like that.

In short lose your attitude and get good advice for free.

 

[sammy01]

So I don't read all your offensive crap. But it would appear that dad hasn't even applied for mediation. Is that right? Hasn't asked to see the kid? So all your ramblings on here is based on a hypothetical and it would appear unlikely that dad has tried to see the child? what a waste of time. You really need to calm down.

please read this thread COVID and the legality/ethics of isolation
You seem to have made a determination that I defend 'dead beat dads'. In this thread I'm disagreeing with a father about the covid rules and based on that you've felt entitled to trash talk. Well - this post demonstrates i don't 'defend' dead beat dads. You are wrong. OUCH. So I didn't deserve your potty mouth. You owe me an apology.

U'm yeah look. On forums like this it is considered poor form to railroad someone elses thread. You have been told this by myself and one other punter. The other punter even provided you with a link to the rules and those rules include showing some basic courtesy. BUT the rules don't apply to you do they? Why is that? Why do the rules not apply to you? apologising when you're in the wrong? NUP. showing basic courtesy? NUP. Not you. Not with your unique exceptionalism that means you know better than most.

Oh and making fun of flood victims. Gee your parents must be proud of you... I deserved all your potty mouth? wow. All based on a false assumption that I defend dead beat dads? hm.

But let me repeat myself. If dad expresses a desire to see the kid - go to mediation. Offer to meet at a park. Take a double dose of your anger management tablets (because if you're not on them you clearly should be) and let the kid know her dad. Take a support person. Preferably not your new fella (and what a lucky man he is...) But give dad a go. Contemplate this... Imagine not seeing your daughter for 2 weeks. You would miss her. Well if dad has expressed a desire to see his own daughter why make it difficult? Why not drop the kid off with dad at a park. Hang around for a while, make sure dad has your number and quietly leave when the kid is distracted so we don't have one of those terrible 2 yr old tantrums (like the ones you've had above)

Just to help you with my perspective. I missed a chunk of time with my kids because my ex used your screwed up logic. How can I leave MY child when dad hasn't spent any time with MY child. To which I answered - how do you learn to drive a car if you don't get to drive a car... So do you see how screwed up your logic is? And to give a bit more clarity to your question. Yup, you can insist on supervision. You can insist on supervision at a very expensive contact centre and insist he pays for drug tests, you can insist and insist. You can be very demanding and from what I've observed you will be.... BUT A word of warning. See my ex, like you, would call me a dead beat drunk oxygen theif. Infact she did. Often in front of the kids. But I have court orders that say 'the children shall live with their father and spend time with their mother'. So yeah, a word of warning about trying to make it impossible for the kid to know her dad. Infact my eldest no longer visits mum. She doesn't like how mum talks about me. A bit like some of your comments above.

People change. Maybe he has sobered up and found god? But you'll need to leave your pre-concieved ideas behind. You know, the same pre-concieved ideas that lead you to think that it is okey to abuse me based on a false assumption that I support dead beat dadss and your other false assumption that you're just a little bit more entitled than the rest of us.
You owe me an apology.

 

[sammy01]

Yeah, like i said. I only scan your stuff.
He organised mediation this month? oh good. Clearly he wants to see the child. That is why people organise mediation...

Now, just a thought - look how you've attacked me. I don't doubt you speak to him the same way. You're a real nice lady hey? Any chance that might be why he has organised mediation? because trying to communicate with you only ends in potty mouth. I wonder, any chance he gave up on trying to be civilised with you?

I did read the bit about you thinking my ex being a drug addict. Nope. But my story might invite you to consider your attitude. See you sound very much like my ex. Quick story - She gave me a photo of the kids. She said look at it because that is as close as you're ever going to get to them. Went to mediation. Was smug as all get out. Bit like you... She had free legal aid. Gloated at mediation how her free solicitor was gonna make sure I went broke fighting to see my kids. Made allegations, drugs alcohol. Wanted me to do drug tests. Wanted 'SUPERVISED' visits. Sound familiar?

She lost her legal aid grant and it wasn't long before she realised that she screwed. She dumped the kids when she realised what a mess she had made with her arrogance. She said something like - 'you'll be calling me in a few weeks begging for me to take them back' That was 8 yrs ago...

 

[sammy01]

See we have made real progress today. I'm proud of you. Only 2 potty mouth words... and none of it directed at the bloke who is giving you advice (ME).

2 1/2 half years old? what do you remember of being 2 1/2? not much? So we're not talking about a 5 or 6 yr old crying because daddy didn't show.

Now when you say supervised visits? do you mean at a contact centre? if you do? can I ask. Are you gonna offer to pay half the costs? or when you say 'supervised' you just mean with an agreed third party present? See I reckon you need to chill. You have lots of attitude. IF this bloke shows up and makes a genuine effort then work with that. Kids do better with two good parents in their lives. And at 2 1/2 you're not having to deal with the disapionment of a 'dead beat dad' cancelling.
But you need to go in with an open mind because your smut talk above indicates you're not doing a real good job of removing your emotions from the situation. Like I said my ex will tell you I'm a ##*$***(%*($*#*#))(#()()#()$&%&%&($. HER OPINION - and she is welcome to it... But like you mentioned I've got over 200 posts here and most of them are very nice and well intended and I smash dead beat dads down just as fast as I smash down chicks like you with potty mouth.
I reckon you'll be writing me that apology letter within a week. Probably you'll folow it up with a thank you letter.