NSW Parental alienation. What to do?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by FatherOf3, 13 June 2019.

  1. FatherOf3

    FatherOf3 Member

    13 June 2019
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    Im a Father of 3 children. My eldest daughter is almost 13 years old whom i share responsibility with my ex partner. I have 5 nights per fortnight. Everything was going fine.

    I last saw my daughter on 30th April 2019, its been 7 weeks since I last saw her or spoken to her.
    Her mother sent me a message on the 9th May when i was supposed to have her for my weekend. Her message said my daughter went back to her house with cuts on her wrists from my house and that she will not be allowing her to come to my house from this day forward.

    There was nothing wrong with my daughter - we had her for 10 days during the second week of school holidays. She was happy. There was no signs of depression or cutting at our house.

    Since then, my daughter and her mother have not answered my calls or responded to text messages.
    I had the Police do a welfare check but they were not home, I later found out (via Snapchat location of my daughter) they were in Jervis Bay for the Mothers Day weekend (court orders say if Mothers Day fell on my weekend, mother is to pick up child at 9am Sunday and have child for the night).
    Police couldnt help me.

    My daughter was taken out of school for 3 weeks because of mental stress and feeling unsafe at school.
    I have not been to the school physically, i have been in contact with the Deputy Principal who has not been helpful at all.
    I have asked if I could come to the school to speak to my daughter, not physically take her because i know they are able to call the Police especially if my daughter is saying she is scared of me.

    I am at my wit's end. I just want to talk to my daughter. My two younger children aged 4 and 7 are wondering where their sister is. They keep asking about her.

    The duty solicitor called my ex. She could not provide any photo evidence of the alleged cutting, she couldnt provide any medical certificated.

    The court were unable to help me. They advised me all i can do is lodge an application for contravention of orders which i have and have been given a court date in September!!!

    I have had an AVO on my ex in the past as she threatened to have me, my wife and baby killed.
    I can provide evidence of this.

    Only 2 weeks ago, my ex's boyfriend was charged with murder of a shooting in NSW (bikie/drugs related), would you advise me to bring this up?

    Will the judge compensate my time with my daughter? Will he reverse access to me?

    I have done absolutely nothing wrong.

    Any advice is appreciated.
  2. Hummingbird

    Hummingbird Well-Known Member

    1 August 2018
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    What does your lawyer say? At the very least this is contraventon of orders, you are right, and keep all your evidence of this for court.

    What concerns me is that your daughter is/was with someone charged with murder. Unless that person is behind bars can you not apply for emergency custody based on that?
    Also, pulling your daughter out of school for 3 weeks to me would constitute further action, particularly as the mother has confirmed she has no evidence of self harming or a doctor confirming a medical or psychological issue.
    To me that would mean the mother is acting against the childs interests by not only cutting contact between you and your daughter, but removing her from school, and associating with potential criminals (and whatever drugs or violence associated with that), all sounds like high risk behaviour.
    Considering a previous AVO has been granted against her for threats to kill, if you don't have a lawyer seek legal aid or a consultation with a lawyer and get onto this now.
    I'm not sure of how much and how often you have contact with the mother but if she is not home when a welfare check is performed and does not communicate with you at all, is a recovery order justified to confirm they are not still in Jervis Bay or god knows where with god knows who. This just does not seem safe to me and perhaps a recovery order/ emergency custody with safety concerns and possible mental health concerns from the mother concerns may be an option.
    Alert likes this.
  3. FatherOf3

    FatherOf3 Member

    13 June 2019
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    Unfortunately I do not have a lawyer and will be self representing due to financial difficulties. In the past have spent $30k when we settled in court 8 yrs ago.

    Fortunately the mother's boyfriend is in jail for murder charge. Thats one less headache out of the way.
    We had reported his violent behaviour in the past to FACS because my daughter told me she witnessed him assaulting my ex but FACS advised me they had visited my ex's home and she denied this, therefore they could not do anything as he was not physically harming my daughter. This occurred 4 yrs ago.

    I was told by the Duty Solicitor that a recovery order was not the option for me as the court orders says the child lives with the mother and spends time with me. I've had a look through my court orders and it says the child lives with the mother and the child lives with the father etc.
    They advised me i can apply for it but its not guarantee that a recovery order will be granted. And unfortunately i cannot afford the Filing fee.

    I cannot apply for Legal Aid because i work full time. And i've just been advised 2 weeks ago my ex now has a Legal aid representative.

    I know my daughter is fine as i have been checking the high school online portal everyday and it shows that she is at school and has been since last Tuesday 4th June. I had reported her to FACS again regarding the absence from school. They advised me i was doing the right thing.

    I know my daughter is not "scared" of me. She is scared of getting caught out with her mums lies, scared of confrontation that what her mum is doing is wrong.
  4. Hummingbird

    Hummingbird Well-Known Member

    1 August 2018
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    Sorry mate, this sounds awful. You may not have much option until the September court date but keep documenting everything. Keep doing what you can to try and contact the mother and show you are still trying to maintain the relationship with your child. At the first sign of any danger or risk, like further assaults, missing school etc, I would consider finding the money to file for a recovery order if lack of contact continues. I would also be preparing to file for primary custody or change of orders, whatever you need to do to gain primary parenting time, and consider what kind of visitation in that circumstance you would want the mother to have. Because it sounds like the best thing for the child is to limit her exposure to the harm of her mother, and you seem to have a decent amount of incidents of harm caused by her that you could have a good case. If you look up family law and best interests of the child it lists out what the court must consider when deciding on custody arrangements.

    Primary considerations
    1. The primary considerations are:
      1. the benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both of the child’s parents; and
      2. the need to protect the child from physical or psychological harm from being subjected to, or exposed to, abuse, neglect or family violence.
    Note: Making these considerations the primary ones is consistent with the objects of this Part set out in paragraphs 60B(1)(a) and (b).

    2A. In applying the considerations set out in subsection (2), the court is to give greater weight to the consideration set out in paragraph (2)(b).

    Additional considerations
    1. Additional considerations are:
      1. any views expressed by the child and any factors (such as the child’s maturity or level of understanding) that the court thinks are relevant to the weight it should give to the child’s views;
      2. the nature of the relationship of the child with:
        1. each of the child’s parents; and
        2. other persons (including any grandparent or other relative of the child);
      3. the extent to which each of the child’s parents has taken, or failed to take, the opportunity:
        1. to participate in making decisions about major long-term issues in relation to the child; and
        2. to spend time with the child; and
        3. to communicate with the child;
    ca. the extent to which each of the child’s parents has fulfilled, or failed to fulfil, the parent’s obligations to maintain the child;

    1. the likely effect of any changes in the child’s circumstances, including the likely effect on the child of any separation from:
      1. either of his or her parents; or
      2. any other child, or other person (including any grandparent or other relative of the child), with whom he or she has been living;
    2. the practical difficulty and expense of a child spending time with and communicating with a parent and whether that difficulty or expense will substantially affect the child’s right to maintain personal relations and direct contact with both parents on a regular basis;
    3. the capacity of:
      1. each of the child’s parents; and
      2. any other person (including any grandparent or other relative of the child); to provide for the needs of the child, including emotional and intellectual needs;
    4. the maturity, sex, lifestyle and background (including lifestyle, culture and traditions) of the child and of either of the child’s parents, and any other characteristics of the child that the court thinks are relevant;
    5. if the child is an Aboriginal child or a Torres Strait Islander child:
      1. the child’s right to enjoy his or her Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander culture (including the right to enjoy that culture with other people who share that culture); and
      2. the likely impact any proposed parenting order under this Part will have on that right;
    6. the attitude to the child, and to the responsibilities of parenthood, demonstrated by each of the child’s parents;
    7. any family violence involving the child or a member of the child’s family;
    8. if a family violence order applies, or has applied, to the child or a member of the child’s family—any relevant inferences that can be drawn from the order, taking into account the following:
      1. the nature of the order;
      2. the circumstances in which the order was made;
      3. any evidence admitted in proceedings for the order;
      4. any findings made by the court in, or in proceedings for, the order;
      5. any other relevant matter;
    9. whether it would be preferable to make the order that would be least likely
      to lead to the institution of further proceedings in relation to the child;
    10. any other fact or circumstance that the court thinks is relevant.
    FatherOf3 likes this.
  5. Alert

    Alert Well-Known Member

    7 June 2019
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    Definitely parental alienation.

    Me personally would keep the mother’s partner out of this??

    You have enough reasons why you are going to court without mentioning this.

    You may not know the full history of your x’s relationship. Why bring up something when you have enough without involving this??

    You don’t need to mention anything about the “relationship”.

    You said about having evidence of what your x said to you??
    Let’s say I’m the Judge, I would wonder why you only have bought this to my attention now?? Why are you concerned now??? Are you only using this “evidence” now because your x’s “partner” has been charged??

    Your x would have been using her “partner” to intimidate you, without her partner having any idea of what she said, this is normal unfortunately.

    I’m answering your question because you did ask if you should use this at court, this is my personal opinion.
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    FatherOf3 likes this.

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