NSW Making Amendments to Application for Consent Orders

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Alias_Justine

Member
3 June 2020
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Hi,
Bit of back story:
Was with my ex for 5 years and had a child together in 2017. Having multiple break ups and reconciling, our relationship officially ended in Feb 2020 after he physically assaulted me. This was all caught on voice recording and he was told at the time it was being recorded. I used the voice recording for evidence with the police and he is currently being charged with Domestic Violence. After our break up, my eyes have been opened to the DV that systematically happened during our relationship, noticing now that I was very much in the cycle of abuse.

We had come together and decided on a parenting plan for our daughter and during his first scheduled visit, he went against the agreement that she would go to her daycare to allow me for pick-up. When this was mentioned to him, he threatened to take off with her interstate. This ordeal was enough for me to decide that I need a formalized court order in place and he needs to be held legally accountable if he breaks the orders in future. I approached him to make the parenting plan we had in place into consent orders with the additional clauses that: our daughter may only be taken interstate during scheduled holiday visits, all other times require my permission. And that whomever she is with, that parent must stay under the legal alcohol limit of 0.05 at all times - this was mentioned as previously when she was away with him, she split head open and her grandmother had to bring her to the hospital as her father was over the legal limit and "all his friends had just got there". Her father is 36 years of age. I wouldn't ask him to do something I wasn't prepared to do myself - therefore this applies to both of us.

As you could imagine, getting to sign the documents were a difficult task however thing became more difficult when asked if there was family violence within our situation. I answered yes. He answered yes. The registrar got back to us saying we both needed to complete a notice of risk (etc) and submit an affidavit. I was prepared to do this. He wasn't. I told him if he sincerely believes that he was subjected to family violence, he should submit his affidavit and evidence and I will do that same. He then refused to sign the paperwork etc... Later on, changing his mind and changing his answer indicating he had not been subjected to family violence.

Today, the registrar has reviewed the application and ordered that
1. He needs to complete a notice of risk and an affidavit.
2. We both need to submit an affidavit as to explain how the existing orders reflect the abuse allegations made in my affidavit and how it is in the best interest of the child that these orders are processed, as they believed the existing orders were "deficient" based on the allegations of family violence.
3. Make amendments to the Terms of Settlement pertaining to referencing, wording etc.

After seeing the order, I received a phone call from him saying he wasn't going to sign anything and that he wished I just "stayed quiet" about everything. Again, the call was recorded.

My questions:
1. If he doesn't submit what is requested - will consent orders still go ahead, will the courts make their own decision regarding the orders or will I need to submit an entirely new application for orders?
2. When making amendments to the Terms of Settlement, the court references "the Applicant must file executed amended Terms of Settlement that reflect the notations herein."
What are executed amended Terms of Settlement? Can I simply change the wording and initial to the change and submit? Or does it need to be re-signed by the Respondent?

Obviously my biggest issue is getting him to sign....
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,187
603
2,894
Oh dear. You're not gonna like my advice. But I've spent time writing it so please consider it. You are both being twits.

So let's start with you... You let him have the kid, but he has to drop off at pre-school? So you're telling him that it is more important for the kid to be at pre-school than with dad? Sure I know, you didn't mean it to look that way, it was just easier, it meant you didn't have to see him... I get it. But do you see how it looks?

Next

Some stuff you're asking for is stupid. Let's look at the alcohol one. How do you police it? How do you enforce it? what happens if you or him breach it? The answer to all three questions is zero. Zero enforcement and nothing happens. So it is a fight about nothing. Sure I know, you want him to be sober with the kid. BUT it comes across like you want to dictate the rules and like I've just shown you can't.

Same with the interstate stuff. If he has a week with the kid during the holidays and wants to travel to Queensland, that is his business. Different story if he wanted to leave the country, but even then only if he was a genuine flight risk... I don't think this guy is gonna skip the country.

He has been a twit too. But you knew that, so I'm not gonna waste my time with that... It is you who came here looking for advice.

Stop being a twit. There easy... Now before you get really mad at me... I understand and am very sympathetic to your situation and I do think my advice is good. See I reckon we find ouselves so stressed out and rightly so. And we go into defence mode, ready to fight at any minute. Everything is boiling over... So what is needed? cool down. Stress less. Trust me I know. My beautiful black curly locks went grey and started falling out all within 6 months of my marriage ending. Me and the ex fought over everything. I look back now and I have to acknowledge I was a twit too. But I gave up. I refused to argue.

Let me give you an example. My ex wanted me to weigh the kids nappies and fill in a chart. She had the chart done. It had times that i was to change nappies and boxes for me to tick to explain the contents and I had to weigh the nappy and write the weight on the chart... WTF? She wasn't doing the same, she wasn't telling me the weights of the nappies when she changed them.... Can you see how many arguments I could have here over this insanity. So I go to St Vincent De Paul, buy a set of old cooking scales to show here. I weigh one or two nappies to get a ball park, then I just filled in the charts and handed them back with random estimates... She was happy.

Here is another fun fact or two about my advice. My mental health improved. I made a point of stressing less over the ex and I got on with my life. I became a better parent because I focused on the kids not the ex. The kids appreciated it. This is a big one. They had a better dad because I was no longer a bitter ex. Food for thought.

So big picture solution - give a little. Offer him a bit more time with the kid. Try to foster a good co-parenting arrangement. Maybe even make a strategic apology. Short term pain for long term gain...

Now to your questions.
1. If he doesn't submit what is requested? You've hit a road block. Options? apply for court orders. Offer to write it up for him and let him amend it. Basically do what ever it takes to get the job done... OR walk away. So is there anything in the orders that benefits dad? Increase in time down the track? anything to motivate him to get this sorted? If not then why not offer that. Give him more motivation to get the deal done. WHY?
because the answer to your second question is YES dad will have to sign.

It would appear you want the consent orders and he doesn't so you need to work out how to get him motivated... Because right now he is being a twit. He isn't signing simply because YOU want him to... If there is an agreement about time with the child then he should sign, especially if he is happy with the orders... But because he is being a twit he can't see that... Now I reckon if you give a little, be the first to mend some bridges he just might stop being a twit and you can move on without grey hair.
 
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Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
1,138
187
2,394
he is currently being charged with Domestic Violence
Charged? .... Having a DVO is not a charge .... What is the charge specifically?

Regarding the mandatory notice of risk.... You realise it only pertains to FV involving a child right? .... Only ask because reading your post the only DV I see is that upon you from him.... Unless there was DV involving the child, ie, directly or indirectly as in being exposed to (witnessing) DV, OR there is a REAL risk of DV to the child, then you both should be putting no on your NOR form ?

If the court rejects your consent order application, you will need to file initiating application for orders.... You'll need to attend mandatory pre filing family dispute resolution with an accredited mediator & be issued with a section 60I certificate before you can file ....