NSW Help with Setting Up Parenting Orders?

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my4daughters21

Active Member
18 January 2020
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0
31
I know every family has different circumstances but I'm interested to find out what people have in place for the parenting plan /orders

My situation is with 4-year-old twins. Their dad now lives 2.5 hours away (his choice), not paying child support at the moment and I'm not sure if I'm entitled to anything yet. I need to look into. I am a full-time student and so is he.

He wants half school holidays but I disagree because they go to childcare, not a primary school and I still have to pay for childcare if they do not attend. I am happy for them to do half school holidays when they are attending primary school.

Also, if I'm not entitled to child support, then I would like him to have to come to me to have to pick up the twins and the same when he returning them. He made the decision to leave the area and I just feel it's fair, as I will be taking on more responsibility most of the time, and I want him to have to pick them up as I do not get along with his mother and do not wish to engage with her at all. Apart from those couple of things, everything else I think we will agree on every second weekend every second Christmas/new year, every second birthday.

How do birthdays work once they start primary school or if its a childcare day?

How do you work mum and dad's birthdays or Mother's Day and Fathers Day. I'm guessing it would be written those days. Weekends would be if its mum's birthday that cancels out if it's their weekend and vice versa and same with Mother's and Father's Day?

Also, there is an interim AVO in place for me not the children due to emotional and mental abuse and he broke into my house and stole my laptop, which he later returned. Next court date should finalise if the AVO will stand or not as he is contesting the AVO.

Oh and he refuses to let me have his phone number but if he has the children, then I think I should be able to contact him (this is not something I would do unless absolutely urgent).

Any ideas or suggestions are welcome at this point as I have never had to deal with this. I have older children from a previous relationship and we just agreed on care 99% of the time and never even wrote anything up.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,166
596
2,894
OK, so go make a nice cuppa...

You are being stupid - so is he. This seems like a hell of a lot of tit for tat. BTW - I've been stupid, too. If there is one thing I've learnt from my experience is that relationship breakdown is hurtful. Add kids into the mix and it is just all terrible and as a result, your judgement is clouded.

So let's start with your stupidity.

You're entitled to a family tax benefit and heavily subsidised child care. The kids are 4 - Likely to be starting school in 2021? So they'll be missing what? 5 maybe 6 weeks of childcare so they can spend meaningful time with their dad? They can spend meaningful time with their dad. (Yep wrote it twice - oh what the heck, they can spend meaningful time with their dad...)

Isn't that just as important as childcare? Crazy idea... See if you can't unenroll the kids for a week and re-enroll them? Wow - how easy was that problem to solve?

Same with the travel. I reckon you should offer to do 1 hours worth of travel. It isn't fair. But guess what - nothing is fair. Heck, you've got twins - give him one, you have one. That is fair? Hmm. Nope, it isn't. Family law is about the 'best interests of the kids'... The kids spending time with dad is in their best interests, so be a good parent and do some of the work to make it happen.

He is stupid - he should give you his number... But - he has an AVO pending, right? Which probably has a no-contact order? To be fair, he is likely just being overly precautious about breaching the AVO.

Stuff like kids birthdays, etc? You have to work out a plan that works for you guys. So my kids' birthdays all fall in school holidays. So we've got a schedule that means on alternate years the kids spend time with each parent.

So - I'm thinking you're not liking much of what I've written. Good. You came here looking for advice and that is what you got. Please realise it is well-intentioned and good suggestions - just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it is wrong.

Or fight like hell over every single decision about those kids and watch your blood pressure go up - and your bank balance goes down because you'll be throwing money at solicitors.
 

GlassHalfFull

Well-Known Member
28 August 2018
364
28
654
Sammy, totally agree with you about the value of meaningful time with their dad vs daycare and most of your other points, but from my experience, many daycare centres are solidly booked and unenrolling will push you to the back of the waiting list, most won't let you do that.