QLD Grounds for Changing Family Court Orders?

[Jamstan]

I hope this hasn't been asked before.

My ex-wife has been somewhat flexible with our family court orders (when she wants more money), allowing us to have the kids overnight instead of during the day for example, and also to deviate a little bit at other times and half of school hols. Although the children want to spend even more time with us, the ex firmly states she doesn't want to give up her sole custodial status.

She doesn't say we are bad parents or that the boys don't want to be with us. We assume it's so she can continue to receive full child support as well as punish us (an acrimonious divorce several years ago).

Can we use her deviation from the original orders in our favour when we do mediation or will this work against us? The children are early teens and we have had the orders for about 3 years.

Thanks and good luck to all.

 

[Jamstan]

One more question:

Ideally, we would like to go from 1 mid-week afternoon and 1 day each weekend to 50/50 on family court orders. Less than that would be OK - we have asked for one other afternoon. We don't mind doing this unofficially to avoid her losing her FTB - who cares about the money- and have told her that but she still just says no.

We have been in a registered de facto for about 8 months. I have been back from interstate for 13 months, working part time right now. The question is - should we stop asking for extra time and just go to mediation? Worried about not satisfying the test.

Background: Originally had the AVO like everyone but the children got taken off the AVO immediately by the court psych and I was given the children that day and we have numerous emails and texts from the ex stating that I'm a good dad and she doesn't want to keep me from my children and that she only did that cos the lawyer told her to but she knows it's not true. Yet I only see them 8 hours a week on paper.

Should I just stop asking and wait? Documenting the extra time she gives us now (a short overnight instead of a day or so total 21 hours a week). Or should we just be grateful as she told us to be, and let it go?

Thanks.

 

[AllForHer]

You said you moved back from interstate? What was the distance between households and what's the distance now?

 

[sammy01]

What do the current court orders say? Can you give heaps more details? Age of kids, etc. The fact that you've moved closer to the kids is grounds to seek a new court order (possibly). So you're not gonna get 50/50 by agreement, true?

Look you've given stuff all detail to go on here so it is hard to give any sort of help... But it sounds like you're getting stuff all time with the kids, so if you're not getting the amount of time you'd like - not even close ATM? Then do mediation and threaten court...

Might be time to either see a solicitor or get serious about learning about how to self represent

 

[sammy01]

Grrrr - OK better to just have one thread and post all your stuff there.

OK keep a diary of all the extra visits.

Do mediation - are the kids on board with 50/50? look if they are teens that changes things lots. If the kids are definitely on board, I would go to mediation and tell her that you're implementing 50/50 and if she has a problem with it she can apply to court. If you're not so worried about the money, I would suggest you tell her that you'd like to try it for 3 months and agree that because it is only an interim / provisional / trial OR what ever you wanna call it, that you agree not to call CSA or FTB. In short invite her to work with you to make it happen OR not, but either way it is gonna happen.

My thoughts - unless you wanna self represent letting her have the FTB and paying more child support is probably gonna be cheaper in the long run than paying a solicitor to get it to court. And if this works and you get 50/50 then after say 6-12 months you can contact CSA and tell them of the change....By then you'll have enough evidence of the change that CSA will accept it and if it winds up back in court the magistrate will be satisfied and be more inclined to make orders accordingly.

 

[Jamstan]

Thanks for the responses.

The distance is about 1000 kms. I was seeing them only half school holidays for two years, with sometimes an extra visit in here or there. After she kicked me out then put avo (verbal abuse claims only) then put her legal aid lawyer onto me I was stuffed.

I didn't get my own lawyer, I got snowballed and let it happen and was so depressed I went back to Sydney for work and family. Kids are 10 and 12, they state over and over they want to spend more time with us but they are not allowed to say this at home (they have actually told us that) or she goes off her nut. They just say that's fine to whatever she bullies them into.

The court orders state I speak to them every night (which happens about 30% of time as phone is often switched off), I have them one midweek afternoon for two hours and then 10-4 on sats. School holidays to be negotiated between us.

In actuality, I get 3pm sat to 10am on Sunday so that's better and I'm wondering if it's worth fighting or just be grateful. Also does the fact that she has let us have these overnights work at all in our favour as an indication that I am a good parent?

 

[Jamstan]

Sorry forgot to add the distance now is about 10 mins, same town etc.

 

[Jamstan]

Sorry about the double threads! Yes kids are on board, they have said it before especially the older one, he told us which room was going to be his etc. however he must have said something to his mum and she freaked, because now when it's mentioned they both just say they don't know. Not sure if we can get them to admit it if then she makes their lives miserable.

 

[MartyK]

The court orders state I speak to them every night (which happens about 30% of time as phone is often switched off), I have them one midweek afternoon for two hours and then 10-4 on sats. School holidays to be negotiated between us.

Were these Final Orders by consent or Court determined?

I'm having a bit of difficulty following.

Did distance play a part in the original orders? My understanding from what you have said is that the current orders were made when you still lived in the same town, then you moved?

 

[Jamstan]

Sorry about the confusion. I was living here when I signed the final consent by agreement orders. Then I couldn't find enough work to rent my own place. So I went down to Sydney.

I didn't understand what I was signing. I was so shell shocked by the process and her lawyer continually harassing me outside the court that I stupidly signed the orders. He kept approaching me outside the courtroom and saying things like.. if you sign the house over to your ex you will see the kids tonight.

Eventually he said if you sign this your ex gets legal custody and you can see the children today. I assumed he just meant that she would be caring for them in general, not that I wouldn't ever see them or that I had signed away my rights. I thought yeah ok that's just the current situation. I didn't have my own lawyer so I didn't understand and he didn't explain it to me. Then he cancelled court.